I think over the last few months I'm really noticing how risky and sinful I have been throughout my life. It is bringing lots of sorrow and disappointment in myself. I'm truly coming to grips with the fact that I have such a sinful heart, as the bible describes it as "desperately wicked - who can know it?" During this time, I've not gotten much comfort from anyone, probably because I'm so embarrassed and ashamed to look anyone in the eye to ask for help. I feel very unworthy, because I am unworthy. This is all a good thing, since I've justified my sins up to this point. I felt like I didn't have much of a choice in being that sinful way, and I couldn't help it. "Surely God understands I never meant to sin against Him." Nope. I have to take responsibility for the actions I've committed, and depend on Christ's atonement to cleanse my conscience and clear my guilt. I cry out to God because I'm pretty troubled, hoping I learn to believe in His love for me. I know He is supposed to love me, according to the bible, but to experience that belief is different than knowing it's supposed to be a certain way.