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God Answers - My Testimony

Discussion in 'Answers' started by Unregistered, Nov 29, 2009.

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  1. God Answers - My Testimony


    I. Early Life

    Grew up in non-christian home

    My dad worked away from home, and was gone except for one day a week

    Sometime when I was 3-4 yrs old my dad came to faith in the Lord

    Parents divorced when I was 4-5 yrs old


    Grew up in both Christian and non-christian homes

    Dad made us go to church with him, but my ear was not open

    I was angry at my dad for the divorce, and also wrongfully at God
    I had a very hard heart

    Started smoking when I was 12, dabbling in the occult, drinking and smoking pot in high-school

    Moved out of my dad’s house when I was 16, into my mother’s house

    Met my wife, when I was 16, we started dating at 17, married at 21

    When the Lord found me I was 23, dead in my sins, by this time I had been high almost every day for 2 years straight, heavily involved in the occult, and had just been saved from suicide:

    One night I had finally hit rock bottom. I had slipped into depression before, a lot of times I had suicidal thoughts and didn’t really care if I had lived or died, this time I did, I felt nothing anymore but regret that I had ever lived, and I decidedly wanted to die for real. I realized I had had enough of myself. I had drained life to its last drop, I thought. Later that night I was in my cold van, shivering as the exhaust was pouring in. I rember thinking ‘I should have warmed it up first,’ then I thought ‘it won’t matter soon anyway.’ I was surprised at how fast it was filling with the fumes. After about five minutes or so, I remember thinking ‘God, I don’t know if you’re there or if I‘ll even meet You, but I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made, and for what I’ve said about you.’ After that it was like someone pulled a rip cord within me and and I felt a rush of despair surging out of the numbness. Then a scene flashed in my mind of my wife crying uncontrollably and hysterically, on the front steps after she had come home, only to find her pet rabbit ripped open on the carpet, when a dog we were thinking of adopting had broken into her cage. Then I pondered how my wife would react when she found me in the morning, and I really doubted if she would be able to handle that. Then I further realized what a jerk I was capable of being. I felt worse than when I had gone into the van. I shut off the engine, went back inside, put the hose back on the vacuum, and went to sleep next to my wife at 3:00 am. I knew the Lord had interviened, and saved my life. And so I thought God was good, and so maybe I should try to get to know the God of the universe, and so I went right back to the sin of divination. God had saved me from death a week prior, but unbeknownst to me, I was terribly mistaken about my standing before Him, and was still not right with Him. I had been saved from a pitfall but I was still an enemy of God, alienated from Him, and in His Hands.

    Since then, I had taken on a new, care-free attitude about life. I was no longer worried about consequences. I figured I had almost just killed myself, what could life do to me? I felt a false sense of freedom.

    In the past my wife and I had talked about having children, I always adamantly resisted, insisting ‘not until we were 26,’ or had so much paid off, or such and such in the bank, etc… For the first time I finally really wanted to start a family, and realized and told my wife, ‘You know what, if this whole house burned down, and you and me walked out, we‘d be ok.’ Not that I wanted our house to burn down, I just knew life wasn’t about things that could burn up, or things you could buy, anymore.

    Meanwhile I was still was still provoking God with my life, and what I thought was the good, or the ’light’ side of the occult, but I was still stumbling in the darkness. After some other events I was lead to buy a Bible. I started reading in the book of Revelation. While I was reading, I was convinced the Bible was God’s Word, and knew it was Real, and that I was in terrible trouble. But it was too real for me to try to forget about it and put it away.

    Revelation 20:11-15

    “Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.”

    I read Revelation 21:8

    "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8

    While I read that verse and others I came under great conviction. At once, I was aware in my spirit that I had come before the eyes of Almighty God, that I had been trespassing agaist Him with High Treason, that I was before His Throne, so-to-speak, that He knew all the thoughs I was thinking about Him as I was having them, that I was not right with Him, I had lived my life arrogantly and spitefully against Him, and He knew everything I had ever thought, said, and did, and that Hell was before me, that I was in His Hands, and His decisions were eternal and they were final. I was frozen in cold fear.

    It is written, ‘It is a terrifying thing to fall into the Hands of the Living God.’ Hebrews 10:31

    I was in fear and trembling. Then by God’s Great Grace I was shown Christ in my heart and lead to Him, all the gospel seeds I had heard when I was a kid, about Christ’s death on the cross, it all started coming to me and making sense, and God showed me there was no coming to an Infinitely Holy, Holy, Holy God, until you first come to His Son who pardons, cleanses, and redeems, and that He took the punishment I deserved for my sins. That He bore them for me, suffered and died for me, took the wrath of God for me, that He was crushed instead of me, for my sins. That my sins drove the nails into His hands and shoved a spear in His side, and it was me that all my life spat in His face, and He said ‘Father, forgive them.’ and gave up His life. I came to Him as a guilty, filthy beggar, and begged for His mercy and forgiveness. And my heart was broken, and I knew I had been forgiven by God, and I felt cleansed by God. I was free from what I never thought I was enslaved to. And for the first time I felt the love of God pour over me. And I know God raised Jesus from the dead and gave me life, and He made me a son.

    I felt I had narrowly escaped an eternity in hell, where the devil was leading me to, drooling over me as he was dragging me on by the cords of my sin, but God being rich in mercy, broke my chains and set me free.

    I know the enemy is pure evil, and if wasn’t for God and His restraining Grace, the enemy would tear my soul to shreds before my heart could beat again.

    “We know that the person who has been born from God does not go on sinning. Rather, the Son of God protects them, and the evil one cannot harm them.” I Jn 5:18

    Over this period of time I began to read my Bible and pray. And God showed me more of His love.

    I set out to gather up all of my books and notebooks of things I had written, to destroy them. When I was gathering up the notebooks, I paused for a second and flipped one open. On that page I had written years ago the words, “some things are better off not rembered, some things are better having never been known.” I thought maybe those words were written just for that. I closed it and set my mind to forget what was there and burn everything immediately. I started filling up garbage cans of DVDs, Movies, and cleared most of my cd collection, about 200+ cds, which were mostly satanic metal bands, or else satan’s lies dressed up as something else, with the same lies and utterances of rebellion that exalted themselves against the knowledge of God. I knew what master I had just been set free from. I didn’t want to leave any future doors open for the him to work his way back into my life. I was a brand snatched from the fire. The spiritual war is serious enough without inviting the devil in through entertainment. I also threw out what remained of my drugs and contraban. The next day I looked through the kitchen trash can that held what remained of the cds I was tossing, and I started looking through them, thinking to myself, ‘this one’s not so bad, and what about this one?’ Then I felt like God spoke to me in His Word, ‘God especially delights in things devoted to destruction; they shall not be redeemed.’ I put them back into the trash and took it outside to the cans. Garbage Day came and went, and I felt a relief, every dark thing from the past, I thought, was out of my house. Down the road I found some more stuff and I got rid of it, I knew it was a test. Since then, God has been training me through lessons and tests and spiritual battles. I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith, take up my cross daily, and follow Him. He is all that really matters, and we are only worth to God what we are because of His Prescious Blood that bought us, we are not our own. I need to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

    ‘The life I live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me;’ that is Jesus Christ my Lord and my God, God in the Flesh, fully God and Fully Man, the Word of God, the Holy One of God Who Is God. Who died and arose and is alive forevermore.

    I know God wants us to let go of whatever our hearts and souls clench onto with tight fists, and give them over to God, that is is either ‘our rights,’ or HIS WILL. And we’re better off submitting to His Will. God wants us to submit to Him as Lord and hang on tightly to Him as Savior. He wants everything, our hearts, our minds, our souls, our troubles, our worries. Closed fists don’t get filled. We need to surrender ourselves on His Altar as Living Sacrifices, waiting upon Him to be used in any way He chooses/ Has chosen. We need to be determined to live for Him and not ourselves, that what matters in this life is Jesus Christ, serving Him and following Him, only what Christ has done for us, and does through us will last, we can do nothing apart from Him, and when we have done all, we are unprofitable servants. What is done while abiding in Christ will last.

    We’ve been attending this church for 2 ½ years now, I was saved sometime in Feb/March 2007, Melissa and I were baptized September 2007. On March 5th 2008 Lily was born and given to us. A year later after much conviction and God’s Grace, I quit smoking. The Lord literaly took it from me after I left it in His Hands. I think God was also answering the prayers of others. All glory to God. Since then, the Lord has been leading me on. I know it was Him who slid the lid off of my coffin and said “Arise, shine! Thy light has come!….See My hands and My side…Thy faith has made thee whole, …by My Wounds you are healed. My Son, your sins are forgiven.”

    For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. Romans 5:7-9

    Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. I John 3:1

    …And Jesus said ‘Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you.’ Mark 5:19

    “Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14

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