Funny/the retired husband

Discussion in 'Humor' started by krossquad, Sep 10, 2011.

  1. Greetings:


    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
    to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
    to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
    women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

    Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion
    in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
    to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
    husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our
    video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
    the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
    her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
    on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
    and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    EMTs were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
    as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11.. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.' One of the clerks passed out.


    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    TeaRose likes this.
  2. Whether you are there allready or soon will be or even not looking forward to having your husband around all the time this is
  3. Naughty Krossquad! Go sit in the corner! :D:D:D



    PS - May I have permission to copy this to another forum?
    I like it hehehehe

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