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From a Christian perspective, What does God say about staying with someone who is addicted to pills

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Sandi Davis Stewart, May 16, 2011.

  1. From a Christian perspective, What does God say about staying with someone(my husband) who is addicted to pills?

    I take care of my grand baby during the day and he never has her by his self. I have recently been letting go and letting God take care of it but inside it is tearing me up. I haven't even let him know that I know which makes me feel that he thinks he is getting away with it. I dealt with this for years and have left him several times. But before he was taking something that made him mean when he came down off of them. Then he started taking something that doesn't make him mean when he comes off of them. The last time I came back home, I had prayed to God and asked him to tell me in his word what to do. I found all kinds of verses telling me I should stay with him and I felt confident God had answered my question. Right after I moved in he got really bad back on the pills and I asked God why would he let things get worse, are you testing me? I love/hate him! He goes through stages where he stays straight for a while. Then he gets back on them. He has been doing it for the last week or so straight. I haven't said a word about knowing. What should I do? From a Biblical perspective. He refuses help and he thinks it is ok. He has many excuses for doing them. He went from hand fulls of xanax and alcohol to a few hydrocodone a day. So he thinks he is doing really well. But he has been at that rate for about 10 years of our 13 year relationship.
  2. I'd like to ask a few questions, if I may. What do these drugs do for him? Does he actually get a high or a buzz from them, and do they impair his functioning when he takes them? Do you feel that you or your grandchild are unsafe when he takes them? Is he still just taking the hydrocodone, or is he back to taking the ones which make him mean when coming off them? How does he get and pay for the pills? Does acquiring them involve illegal activity? Does your presence with him enable his addiction? Does he profess to be a Christian?

    Sorry for so many questions, but I'm trying to get a detailed picture of the dynamics here. The answers to these questions will help me to focus my thoughts. For now, I would say that it would be good for him to know that you are aware of his taking the pills so he knows he's not getting away with anything. If you haven't already done so, it would also be helpful to get the counsel and support of a group like Narcotics Anonymous or other addiction support group, and a pastor or Christian counselor. These people can help you make decisions and give you the support to deal with the situation.
    Sandi Davis Stewart likes this.
  3. He gets high on the pills. He says it makes him want to get up and do something instead of lay around but after taking them he is up for a while and then down for a long time. They make him a totally different person. He is actually nice when he is on them. A teddy bear. Sad to say, much nicer than when straight. But I still want the real person I married. I learned today he is taking different things different days and the last thing he had been taking was Valium which is close to the same as a Xanax which is what he took when he would get mean and mad when he came down from them. I don't feel safe, he has done nothing physical to make me feel that way but it is like flash backs from when he was this bad before. I found out he is getting them from several different people, his mom and his brother give him a couple now and then and then he goes to someone else to get more to get him higher. I confronted him after I wrote the question. The next night and he was worse than the night I wrote the question. I watched him pass out with a ciggerette in his hand and burn himself twice. I did nothing. (mean I know) but I hoped it would make him see what he was doing. I videoed it for him to see...as I was videoing it, he dropped the cig on the blanket which I promptly removed and it woke him up. I told him what had happened and he said no it didn't. He wasn't asleep. I said I have it on video because I knew you would say that. He said "You lie". He wouldn't watch the video. His parents give him hydrocodone because he goes to their house and tells them he is in pain and they feel bad and give them to him. They are older and he takes advantage of them. His brother is also an addict but he SAYS he only gives him a couple of Xanax a month. He knows better than to give him any. Every way he gets the pills is illegal. I don't know where he gets the money or how he pays for them. I know the first names only of some of the people he gets them from. He does claim to be a Christian which doesn't set a good example for his family who do not KNOW the Lord. He does go to church with me and our church is aware of his problem. I was really hoping our pastor would talk to him tonight but he didn't. It is a small church and Allen is so good at telling people what they want to hear. People love him. It is hard for them to believe that he even goes to church under the influence. They hardly know him without pills in his system. Allen does believe in God. I cannot say if he is saved, Allen says he is. I am having high anxiety and it has been hard for me to pray. All I say is please help me please help Allen. Please tell me what to do. I know I should have more faith right now. I know he has sent his comforter for times like this and I am trying to remember that but during tribulation it is harder for me to be strong. Thank you for your prayers and for responding to my question. I really didn't think anyone would. Several have viewed it and no one has responded. You are awesome. I hope to hear more from you.
  4. This is a pretty difficult situation. It would actually be much easier if he were lying in a gutter every day, or burglarizing homes to pay for his habit, or having an affair. These situations would present a somewhat clearer course. Taking video of him was a nice touch, though, as a way of presenting reality to him. As far as staying with him, the question becomes what will be best for the marriage and for him personally. Will separation help to bring him to the point of realizing his need for help? If so, how does one deal with the particular temptations and potential pitfalls of separation? If you stay, how do you keep yourself healthy spiritually and psychologically while engaging in the struggle for his well-being?

    So, first I would suggest you do what is necessary to fortify yourself for the struggle. Take time out each day for your own spiritual and mental well-being. Gather strength through quiet time, Bible study, and prayer. This is a time in which you can take your concerns to God, but where you disengage from the battle. It's a little like when doing chemotherapy over a long period of time. The chemo is halted for a period of time so the body can recover and gather strength for the next round. Gather support for yourself by gathering others around you to give you emotional support, prayer, and encouragement.

    Secondly, I would suggest professional support. Talk to his doctor, talk to a chemical dependence professional, and find a local chemical dependency support group. These people have insight gained from years of experience with these situations. They are quite familiar with the standard denials, excuses, rationalizations, and dynamics of these situations. They will take you seriously and will help you navigate these waters. Their support will give you hope and strength in your resolve.

    I will pray for you and your husband as well. Rest assured that not only does God know about your situation, He knows how best to reach your husband. Often we can only see a few steps ahead, but God is able to see far beyond the horizon.
    Sandi Davis Stewart likes this.
  5. Gosh...The Lord has truly given you the gift of wisdom. Everything you said is totally different but much more helpful than anyone has ever said to me before. God Bless you my friend. I love this quote, "Often we can only see a few steps ahead, but God is able to see far beyond the horizon." I know this sounds silly but I need prayer for my prayer time. When it comes to this it is like I stutter to God. I do better when I write my prayers in a journal. I don't know why. Do you think that he thinks it is ok for me to write my prayers down? They are just for me and him to see. It is kind of like my diary but I am talking to the Lord. You are an amazing person. I thank God for you! You were the only one to respond when I absolutely felt like I had no one. I know I have the Lord but you know what I mean.
  6. First of all God bless you. many would not stay in this type of relationship. I like how you said let go and let God. I often find that that us quite difficult. My only son is in a similar situation, he adopted and his birth mother too heroin during this her only pregnancy, she overdosed when he was about 6 months old. His birth father is still fighting the opium addiction. Can I suggest Pray, talk conversate. Walk alongside not in front or behind. and remember, is there anything tooo hard for God? God bless you. Keep on keeping on. Do not abandoned and surely goodness and greatness will follow u all of your days. remember too you are not alone. Faith hope love the greatest. That's right LOVE
  7. Your courage to ask a difficult question like this is admirable.

    Stay strong, my friend. So long as the problem at hand is not taking you down the wrong path, then God expects you to be obedient and to serve both Him and your husband. If however this addiction is beginning to damage your personal relationship with Jesus, then it is time to move on. Handling a problem like this isn't for the weak of faith, that's for sure.

    Relationships are always to fall in this order:

    #1 God
    #2 Family
    #3 Friends

    What would Jesus do? Jesus would give of himself to save others. You can be the brilliant light of God that your husband needs. Pray. Ask others to pray. I will pray for you. And remember that you are not alone and Jesus loves you both.

    All the best,
  8. Here are some things that came to my mind:

    Addictions are not one of the valid ways to divorce someone. It is only fornication. So divorce is not an option. However, that doesn't mean you need to just "go along with it." If your husband was abusive, the correct thing to do would not be divorce, but to go to the authority structure that God has established for this situation (police). It would not be wrong for you to seek help for your husband. In the ideal situation, the Church is supposed to be the primary involvement in healing. Since your church sounds like a big seeker-sensitive fail, you should try finding a different one so you can have a healthy fellowship with people who care more about you than money and filled seats. A temporary separation is very risky, as it does not work with all types of people. Some people would wake up, and others will grow worse with discouragement, so pray about that one.
  9. Scripture says stuff about those that deal in pharmaceuticals. Pharmacopia
    Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.
    Greek word for Sorcery Pharmakeia
    1) the use or the administering of drugs
    2) poisoning
    3) sorcery, magical arts, often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it
    4) metaph. the deceptions and seductions of idolatry

    This is the excuse that people use to divorce on those grounds.

    If you accepted a biblical commitment to your husband, you are there to serve him, even when he fails to serve you as HIS committment was. That's what that word "Love" means.

    Anyone using the above verse to divorce, is really seeking justification, not the right thing.
  10. I missed this post, hopefully you are subscribed to this thread. Anyway, I remember a time when I though that a prayer wouldn't "work" or was invalid if I didn't end it with "...in Jesus' name, amen." Kinda like if you mailed a letter and forgot to put the stamp on. It is perfectly fine to write your prayers out, if that helps you to articulate them better. Words on paper and words from the tongue originate from the same source. The words themselves are really for you anyway, to express yourself to God, since God already knows your heart. Even your stuttered prayers are perfectly clear to God.
  11. You can leave if you do not feel safe or you are in danger. But you cant remarry unless he or she commits adultery or dies. You are otherwise stuck with them. I think you should leave and stay single then go back to your husband after you are sure he is fully commited to our lord.
  12. I think that this is something you need to pray about, and if you are in danger go ahead and leave.

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