Friends have pulled away from me after being married. Needing advice...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lifeasweknowit, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. I am trying to understand what God is trying to tell me thorough what has happened the past year.
    I have literally lost nearly all of my friends. I no longer speak to anyone and rarely hear from people. If I reach out, I am either ignored or given a very lackluster response.

    This has gotten so bad that I have asked God to just take me to heaven because the pain is too much to bear. I also am unable to find a job and cannot understand that as well. I’m wondering if anyone can shed some light as to what may be going on. I have asked God if there is any sin I need to confess and I feel I can’t really think of anything big that I’ve done to anyone. I’ve stilled asked God to forgive me if there is anything I’ve done and can’t think of.

    The first year of getting married, I wasn’t entirely available (because of graveyard schedules that my husband and I were on a week after getting married-which has since changed), but I did make sure to keep in communication with others. Surely, just because I was not able to meet up within the first few months of marriage, that wouldn’t make several people stop talking to you. Within a few months after marriage, I noticed people start pulling away and even when I have asked if anything was done or said by me that upset them, I have been told nothing and then I never hear from them again.

    Please shed some light for me on this issues. I am especially hurt because a strong Christian that I met in a ministry last year never talked to me again after the last time we hung out as well. I am a good woman, with good Christian values and am not understanding what is going on.
  2. First question: Are you both Christians walking on the same path towards God in your belief system?

    Second question: Did both sets of parents approve of the wedding?

    Third question: Are these 'friends' of the same faith as you and your husband?
  3. Hope is Alive! :) you DO have friends. You have Jesus and your husband. And if these people left you, then there not worth YOUR friendship :) Pray to God and He'll give you the desires of your heart. Your cup will overflow with Joy, for His Love Never gives up, and never runs out on you. His Love for YOU is Eternal :) Believe it.
    Mercedes Benz E Class and Lifeasweknowit say Amen and like this.
  4. Things change when you get married... Things MUST change when you get married... This is necessary...

    For example - your single friends... You aren't single anymore... You can't do "Single people" stuff... You don't talk about single people stuff... As a result - you don't really "Identify" with your single friends like you did when you were single....

    Life is different now - and you need to accept this. Your challenge now is to "Cleave" to your husband primarily. Then - establish friendships with other married couples....

    You will find a similar change comes when the babies come.... Life changes BIG TIME - and it's just not the same for your friends who have no kids... They just won't identify with you anymore...

    It's not personal - your life is now completely different. That's just how life works.

    autumn oddity and Lifeasweknowit say Amen and like this.
  5. #5 Lifeasweknowit, Jul 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2015
    Hi BM, sorry for just getting back to you :oops:

    1) Yes, we are both Christians. He was a non practicing Catholic and turned non denom when we began dating. He went through a 6 months men's one on one discipleship program and his entire view of Catholicism changed as well as his relationship with Jesus rekindled. We have the same values and see things the same way when it comes to the Word.

    2) His father loves me and is very kind to me. One of his sisters is wonderful towards me, and the other is kind of hot and cold, but she has a ton of personal issues going on right now. His entire family, especially his mother, wanted a Catholic wedding (which we did not do, we got married in our Calvary Chapel instead). His mother privately told him that "she failed her son" because he is no longer Catholic. Even though he told her that his relationship with God is significantly more close than it ever has been. I have encouraged him to speak with her about this in more detail, but he feels her opinion about the different denominations will not change. His mother has always been nice, but since day one I have felt that she has not truly accepted me into the family. I was told by her husband (my FIL) that she has a difficult time letting others into the family (whatever that means). My mother, brother, and sister in law all love him and say he is the best man I've ever been with.

    3) Most of them are not Christians or are, but live their lives in non christian ways. Some are Christians (these are the ones that hurt the most).
    autumn oddity likes this.
  6. I think you answered your own question...

    Maybe seeing you taking steps of obedience in Christ is causing Holy Spirit conviction in your believer friends and driving away your unbeliever friends who want to live in sin...

    Find some new established married Christian friends (10+ years married) and glean wisdom from their experiences.
  7. BTW as a disclosure I have nothing against Catholics at all. It's a personal preference to not partake in Catholicism and my husband knew that when we met.
  8. Thank you BM, I was wondering the same thing...getting out there and finding new friends. While I'm afraid of rejection or this type of situation happening again, I will do what I can. It's a process, but perhaps this is the road God is paving for me.
  9. I sincerely appreciate this so much. I had missed coming on happy to see more positively on here than I had before. I need to focus on what I do have and not what I don't. It was just an initial shock, but God is good and honestly the only thing I should be focusing on is Him during this process.
  10. Friendships, like life are bound to change and keep revolving.

    I always say that: True friends are those who stay the same throughout the changes of life.
    Whether you get married, divorced, lose your house, weaken in your faith, strengthen in your faith, become successful beyond anyone's wildest dreams
    -They stay the same

    I also live by this: That those who God truly meant for me, cannot leave me. If they did they were not for me.

    *************1 John 2:19
    *************They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they
    *************would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be
    *************made manifest that they were not all of us.

    (I like to finish the end of that verse with "they were not of us")

    Also I have dumped friends just because I felt their walk with God was too shady for my liking.
    By the same token I have also been dumped when I wasn't performing in God.

    Hard feelings? No, its life. And you have to learn how to roll with the punches. Don't take things

    Besides, some relationships are seasonal and some permanent. You need to know the difference
    and be grateful for what people brought when they are a part of you. Do not hold on to people.

    Lastly, - for me. In a rather inadequate way of stating it but I believe in the "principle of space"
    -When a place or position is filled, it prevents God putting something into your hands.
    And sometimes in miraculous and weird ways people have to leave your life. Either their job
    is done or they are bad for you.

    Most beautiful thing is when you get the Gift of Good Byes (and it is a gift) - then new things
    come to you.

    I can unequivocally state that if ever through a period of my life I lost friends, in just a matter
    of time new people who needed me and that I needed in a way I never knew surfaced.

    So its an exciting season for you, and what God is about to do.

    Let Him surprise you
    autumn oddity and Lifeasweknowit say Amen and like this.
  11. Ultimately,

    Its about trusting that God is big enough to provide you with the best of friends
    you need - in the right time.

    I know you can trust Him cause I did and He NEVER let me down :)

    Give it a shot, put it in His hands - you will see :) :)
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  12. Thank you everyone so much for your uplifting words. I truly needed that :love:
    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  13. Its a pleasure life :)
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.

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