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"For theirs is the kingdom of Heaven..."

Discussion in 'Humor' started by cly, Feb 22, 2006.

  1. "For theirs is the kingdom of Heaven..."

    I got this in an e-mail and thought I'd share. It's adorable!

    **************


    GOD'S WATCHING --- BUT IS HE IN CONTROL OF THE KIDS?

    I was telling my seven year old Sunday School class of the Good Samaritan;
    beaten, robbed, left for dead --- in vivid detail so they would catch the
    drama.

    "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what
    would you do?" A wide-eyed little girl broke the silence, "'Probably cry
    a
    lot and then maybe dial 911 then throw up."



    STORY OF ELIJAH

    My Sunday School teacher's brother was carefully explaining the story of
    Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal; how Elijah built the
    altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the
    altar
    then commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it
    over the altar. He had them do this four times.

    "Now," said my brother, "tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water
    over the steer on the altar?" Nobody moved until little girl waved her
    hand
    and said with considerable confidence, "To make the gravy?"


    LOT'S WIFE

    My wife, a Pastor, was describing to a gathering of children how Lot's
    wife
    looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. "That happens a lot --- my
    Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," 8 year old Melissa
    announced
    triumphantly, "and she turned into a parked car and a fire hydrant!"


    DID NOAH FISH?

    Learning about how long the ark floated, a member of my Catechism Class
    asked, "Do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

    "No!" replied an exasperated little girl, before I could reply. "How
    could
    he, Silly, with just two worms . and they were, like, real important!"


    HIGHER POWER

    I said to my gathered church children, "We have been learning how powerful
    kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can
    anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces! And if
    they're
    'wild,' Deuces too."


    SUNDAY SCHOOL

    Our nine year old Joey was asked at the dinner table what he had learned
    in
    Sunday school. "Well, Mom, 'how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a
    rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the
    Red
    Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked
    across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for
    reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
    Israelites were saved."

    "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother
    asked.
    "Well, no, Mom. But, (leaning forward, looking around, and then
    whispering)
    if I told it the way Sister Laura did --- Wow! --- you'd never believe
    it!"


    THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

    My young son's church class was memorizing the most quoted passage in the
    Bible; Psalm 23 --- a month was given to learn the verse. Little Toby,
    then
    age seven, was excited but just couldn't remember it; he could barely get
    past the first line.

    On the day scheduled to recite their Psalm in front of the congregation
    Toby
    was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and
    said proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd --- and (sticking out his chin)
    that's all I need to know."


    JESUS IS EVERYWHERE

    Our little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to
    go
    out to the back porch and bring her the broom. "Mama, I don't want to.
    It's dark." My wife smiled reassuringly. "You don't have to be afraid of
    the dark. Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

    The five year old thought for a minute and then went to the back door and
    cracked it open a little. Squinting into the darkness, he carefully held
    his upturned palm near the small opening and loudly whispered, "Jesus,
    would you please hand me the broom?"
     

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