Feeling so lost and confused

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by AndrewB93, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. Hello, my name is Andrew and I'm having a tremendously difficult time figuring out what i should do. This will be a long post just warning you. I know that people from the internet can not give me certain advice but I'm just asking for help and maybe some experience from other people.

    I went to high school with a girl named Jess and we each had crushes on Each other but didn't tell. I eventually moved away and we re connected through Facebook. After talking and calling each other for weeks she came down to visit me and that's when we decided to get in a relationship. She moved down here and has a place of her own.

    We dated for about two years and she was Mormon but after i confessed my concerns about it she decided to leave that church. We are both Christian though i admit we are very weak. Meaning we got very distracted and hardly ever spent any time with God together. Also we made a promise to not have sex (though she is not a virgin, she didn't really become Christian until she was about twenty) we did everything but technically have sex. We become too intimate and i had to tell her that we needed to stop.

    Its complicated to explain but through some events which i am not proud of my parents found out that i had been disrespecting them through texting with my girlfriend. I really was being selfish and didn't fully realize it and i cried to them and asked them to forgive me and that i was sorry.

    They did forgive me but they will not forgive Jess. It's to the point where they hate her and say that they will get a restraining order on her if she keeps coming back. I hate this because we are both guilty of the same bad things said about my parents but i feel like they only forgave me because I'm their son. It makes it more difficult because I'm twenty two and unfortunately still live with them and am working and going to college.

    They had been telling me we were not good for each other and a few months ago we broke up and didn't talk for about a month and a half. I feel so awful like I'm making a mistake that I'm only breaking up with her because of what my parents want.

    They feel like i can find someone better but I've put so much heart into her. As cliche as it seems or sounds we literally have everything in common to the extent that i can't do anything without being reminded of her. She does come from a bad family and has made some wrong choices in life but i look past those mistakes and i feel like my parents can't do that.

    Lust has been my biggest weakness and I've struggled with masturbation for years. We have done sexual things together but not actually had sex but i felt so bad about that and I've asked god to forgive me. I haven't used pornography or masturbated for a few days when before i couldn't make it a day without it. I'm getting back in touch with the Lord because I've been distracted from him.

    I'm afraid to trust in my feelings because i don't know if i truly love her or I'm in an infatuation or that i am afraid of what my family will say. We talked recently and we hung out and i had the best time i was happy and i felt right to be together again just as friends. I still love her and she told me she still loves me. I pray to god for guidance and patience.

    What can i do? I'm afraid to trust my feelings.
  2. Andrew, I don't know how much you know or understand about demonic intrusion?
    If you have been dabbling with sexual sin including pornography uncontrollable sexual feelings and masturbation etc, then there is absolutely no doubt that sexual demons are behind it and have gained entry.
    That is the simple fact of life and it affects millions of people both inside and outside the church. So don't feel bad about it, this is just a wake up call. That is why you are incapable of halting the sexual feelings.
    I speak from experience.

    For every area of sin there are usually demonic powers whispering or intruding into our bodily feelings and basically driving people along that road. You only have to read the bible from Genesis onwards to comprehend that.
    Once you agree to demonic temptation, they get legal right of entry and from that time onwards, they dominate those areas and you end up obedient to every prod and poke from them.

    It is a sad thing that most christians are in complete denial about demonic possession or oppression and invent all sorts of theologies to prove that demons can't affect believers.
    Having cast demons out of hundreds of Christians, I know they are wrong.

    My suggestion is that you seek help from christians who understand these things, and get hold of the various books on the subject of deliverance from demons.
    Alternatively read the scriptures around the subject and then repent of these various sexual sins then start commanding them to leave your body until you experience a release in your spirit.

    Until you deal with the sexual sin and the demonic intrusion, you will be in no state to comprehend what is actually going on, and in no state to take a proper look at your relationship with this woman.
    BTW I am not passing any judgement on her whatsoever, nor passing any judgement on whether the relationship is right or wrong.
    Klub likes this.
  3. I understand, and this was my biggest obstacle because it made me so alienated from God. But like I've s said i confessed it to the Lord and ask him to help renew my mind and spirit. I've also asked him that he knows the contents of my heart and my desires but i just ask that his will be done over mine and to speak to me in a way that i can understand. I just feel so lost not knowing which emotions might be coming from god or inside me if that makes sense. I've been making changes in my lifestyle and finally feeling like i can pray to god again and not feel the guilt from my lust is helping a lot. I will always have temptation but i am more focused on Christ that i find myself able to push it out of my mind more easily.
  4. #4 Lifeasweknowit, Jul 23, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2015
    You mentioned something that stood out to me. You said your parents would put a restraining order on her. FYI, because you are 22, they cannot put a restraining order on her unless she is a threat to them or you and they have guardianship over you. My husband is a police officer and you can’t just put a restraining order on anyone. Courts will be looking for tangible evidence of threat. Not someone who they believe made their son sin and is contacting their son. Also one can't put a restraining order on someone, for someone else, if that someone else is an adult.

    Your parents are being out of line. Since you are over the age of 18, you are a legal adult and your parents do not have the right to tell you what to do. While you may live under their roof, and you should respect them (which does not mean letting them rule your life) they still cannot tell you what to do. In my opinion, they are being manipulative. They are simply upset with something you have done and are trying to prevent it by threatening to put a restraining order on her…which again, unless she is a threat to them specifically, I highly doubt any court will allow this to go through.

    Look, your sin, is your sin. If you want to stop the temptation and the sin (which you should!!), remember that God always gives you a way out 1 corinthians 10:13. You can stop being with her alone in private. You can cut off the relationship for a short period of time in order to pray and reflect. You can try and find an accountability partner while continuing to date her in public only. Spend lots of time in prayer. Fast. Talk to a pastor at church.

    Pulling away from God and/or not spending as much time with Him, will definitely not help with the temptation of lust. If she is not as close to God as you are, let her know this is vital to you (which it should be if you see a future with her). You should be equally yolked with the person you are dating, otherwise it will cause these types of issues and more. God bless you and I hope everything works out!
    Francis Drake likes this.
  5. It's not whether or not they actually could put a restraining order on her or not it's the fact that they said they would that bothers me. And i know my parents have always wanted what's best for me. They are very strong Christians and i always look to them for support but with this i don't know. I guess it's hard to think for myself because i am still living under their roof which I'm not proud of but i love them so much too. They have given me great advice in life and they have seen her as a distraction because for a while i was not going to school they only saw me hanging out with her. But to be honest they went away for a month on vacation and i had just broken up with jess so i was really alone, whole home tp myself and i was even more distracted with responsibilities! I feel that the big issue is there's a lot in me I'm trying to change, my procrastination and laziness has been prevalent in my life and I'm trying to fix that. I feel like if i can get my life together i could have more confidence in myself but since i have done nothing With my life so far it's hard to argue with nothing to back myself up.

    I know i am nowhere near ready for marriage but i feel my heart longing for her. She's my best friend and i feel i love her but hard. We did break up and we didn't make god a priority in our relationship. I feel like I'm in a valley and she is to my left and my family is the right. Whichever one i try to climb toward the other will be left without me.
  6. #6 Lifeasweknowit, Jul 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2015
    I see where you are coming from. You don’t have a lot going on so it’s hard to speak up without having a job or being in school (I assume both?) so it gives your parents power. At some point, however, your parents need to stop trying to control your every move. I hate to say this, but could it be because of how they are that maybe it’s the reason you are not trying hard enough? I have known of others who get taken care of by their parents who have little motivation. My mother made me start working when I was 16 and insisted that I begin working full time while in college because she was not going to support me. This made me stronger and work harder than a lot of people who I knew were not getting this type of push. Maybe your parents are inadvertently enabling you, without even realizing. I know a lot of people may disagree with me or think I am jumping to conclusions, but I think the picture is very clear here.

    1) You’re not working and I assume not in school, so you feel dependent on your parents. Including letting them dictate who can and cannot be in your life.

    2) They are fully supporting you (I assume) so they also feel they have a little power to control you. Again, this is probably very subconscious in their mind.

    It doesn’t mean that your parents don’t love you. I am certain they do, but at this point I think the relationship between you and your parents is unhealthy. They need to start letting you make your own decisions. This doesn’t mean they stop giving you advice. It means they give you, loving, Godly advice, without demanding or threatening you to do things their way. It means they start respecting that you are an adult. It means they start allowing you to make your own decisions, even if it’s not what they would want.

    I think you have hit all the right points in that you feel you don’t have much of a voice because of what they have given you. You also feel they are so wonderful because of what they have given you. Right now, however, you need to start doing things on your own. Making your own decisions. Getting out there and trying to find a job or enrolling full time in school. Trust me, it is not healthy to continue having a relationship like this with your parents. In the future your parents might not like even the woman you want to marry. Maybe the woman is Christian and perfect and they still don’t like her (Trust me, this can happen) then what? Are you still going to take what they say and run with it? Please, do yourself a favor and begin putting boundaries on the relationship between you and your parents.

    I highly suggest you enter a strong mens ministry, where you can have strong Christian accountability partners. People who will pray for you and study the bible with you. Depending on your parents is not a place you want to keep yourself in for the rest of your life. Start taking control of your life today. I pray that God help you with slothfulness, as I have dealt with this myself.
    Francis Drake likes this.
  7. One more thing.

    Your parents will never be able to control your sin. Regardless of how much they try to remove this woman from your life, there will still be temptations that occur throughout your life. That is why I am saying that they are trying to control you. They need to let you make your own mistakes. They can and should speak to you in an adult manner and explain to you the repercussions of sin, but not try to control the sin from occurring. That's impossible. Only the Holy Spirit can convict you of sin and only God can deliver you from temptation.
    Francis Drake likes this.
  8. Thank you for your helpful reply. I do have a job and work almost full time, hours got cut. I took two courses in college but after that i just let two semesters skip by without getting back in. With anything wrong that I do in life i understand that i am responsible for it. I can't afford to live on my own or own a car though i am saving and my grandmother set aside some money so hopefully i can get one soon so in many ways i am still dependant on them and yet at the same time want to go out and live my own life. It is not fun being an adult and still feeling like I'm a teenager living with their parents. It's embarrassing.

    It's also hard because my parents have done a lot for me and given me advice in many areas in life and they have been right about everything. But this i feel like i shouldn't just give in to what they want but at the same time all the advice they have given me in life has always helped me and i don't want to just ignore them i try to see from their perspective.

    Yes the things said against them were wrong i said them being very ungrateful and selfishly and by my complaining to my girlfriend she ended up siding with me because that's all she ever heard. So i feel guilty because we both said the same things but i am forgiven and she is not. She had apologized to me and she wants to apologize to them but my parents told me They don't want to hear it. It's awful because i feel like they won't forgive her for something i caused.

    I am supposed to see her tomorrow because even though we are technically broken up still she is on my phone plan (reduced bill cost) si we are going to get something to eat and she can pay me. I honestly feel like I'm afraid to mention I'm hanging out with her because i don't want my parents to flip out, which is the best choice of words i can think of. Which is sad because i am over eighteen but am still dependant on them.

    If anyone has any good verses on patience and trusting god i could really use them and study them.
  9. Confessing all to the Lord is not the same as deliverance from demonic influence.
    It is the responsibility of the believer to get the demons cast out, either by commanding them to go, or getting help from others to do that.
    Casting demons out is a ministry given to the church, just like possessing the land.
    No amount of prayer would move Israel into the promised land. They had to be prepared to walk the distance and deal with the inhabitants of the land.
    If you don't deal with the demonic side of this issue, you will always be struggling to stay on the straight and narrow, it will never leave you, and even if you can grit your teeth and control it for now, it will bear bad fruit sooner or later in life.
    If you don't believe this, please tell me what has happened to all the demonic stuff that Jesus and the disciples did in the gospels. It hasn't just disappeared.

    Mark16v17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;
  10. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs3:5-6)
    Hi Andrew :) I myself was heavily into pornography for most of my life. I was obsessed over a girl, and when a girl left my life it was devastating to me. We spent every day together for years. It hurt so bad because I made her my comfort, my help, my life, and my God. You see, that was the problem and why it hurt so much. I put so much emphasis on her, and little to nothing on God, that she became an idol to me. And having an idol never ends well. So when she left, it was like a piece of me died. I felt so alone. But all these things your feeling are only Temporary as time does heal many things, such as this :) I know from experience from what I told you :)
    "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." (John 14:1)
    Give your life to Jesus Christ in a renewed spirit of thanksgiving and trust. Thanking Him for everything He's given you.
    There are so many who are bound to a wheelchair, yet I presume you can walk. Heck, you can run and jump up and down the street if you'd like :) There are many who cannot see, and yet you can witness the glory and majesty of Gods world. There are those who cannot hear and yet you can hear the most beautiful music and sounds :) and as a Christian, you have a place in heaven that God has made specifically for you as He Loves you. You are NEVER alone :) and don't loss heart my dear friend as you WILL overcome this for you have Jesus who IS Truth who said this to you:
    "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
    Focus on God and He will give you the desires of your heart :) but you have to put Him first. I know it's hard to. It's hard for everyone. But the benefits my dear friend are far more valuable then anything you can imagine. Yes, even that. If your heart desires a women. He knows you in and out better then you know yourself. And He Loves you more then any woman can. So trust in Him. Remember, by putting Him first, you then will get the desires of your heart. It may be this woman or another woman that's betters for you.
    I thought there was no one better then the woman I obsessed over for so many years, but I was sooo wrong :) I thought the other woman I spent every day with was the only woman who could comfort me and have so much in common with, but I was sooo wrong again! :) so Either way, you will have God and He will fulfill His promise to you for your heart :) So Take Heart! For your life has only begin! :) A Glorious Future Awaits You my Dear Friend. Believe it!
    You may find these books useful in your Amazing Journey :)
    "Victory Over the Darkness" and "The Bondage Breaker" both by Neil T. Anderson :)
    These Youtube videos of Uplifting Truth :)

    And as well :) watch some Charles Stanley sermons on youtube. They really helped me in the storms of life and you can find sermons talking about your problems and feelings. Also David Middleton has many sermons on subjects to look into like Conquering and Delivering from bad emotions and thoughts :)
    And Always Remember Andrew, you are Never alone :) for God is with you Always and the gears of Heaven Never stop turning for your Good. So get out there and know God and His Love:
    "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
    All of Heaven is Cheering you on Andrew :)
    Mykuhl likes this.
  11. Thank you, i really mean it. I am trying my best to be humble when i pray and asking for God to guide me the way he wants rather than the way i do. But at the same time i feel like i am at a cross road and i can't just stay idle forever yet i know i need some patience to guide me. If you wouldn't mind, could you please pray for me. Pray that God could help guide me, Pray that what he wants me to do is what i hear from him and not me listening to myself. Thank you so much
    JFish123 likes this.
  12. I've prayed for you Andrew :) I truly believe finding accountability partners in the church or online is the way to go. Also, settingcaptivesfree has a wonderful workshop on lust.
  13. From your posts andrew, it sounds like you're making steps in the right direction :)

    Stay focused on the Lord, and do not worry about this girl. From your past, and your current wrestling with sin, the best thing you can do is not be in a relationship. One of the hardest relationships to have is one where both people deal with sexual sin. Through God, you can overcome these sexual temptations! I speak from experience, My ex and I both dealt with sexual sins. We started off slow, I took 3 months of dating to even kiss her. After we got closer and closer, our guards went down, and step by step, slowly but surely, we dropped all guards.

    My advice to everybody, is only focus on God, focus on battling your demons, and the Lord will bring somebody into your life.
    Francis Drake likes this.
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  15. 1. With school crushes it is hardest. On the one hand you are too young for marriage and on the other you are so close.

    2. We must trust and take our parents advice. They have no selfish incentive and are purely concerned for you. But I am confused as to why you say communication with her is disrespecting them to such a degree that you need to apologize. It sounds like you are Muslim and she is Christian.

    3. Yes lol. Our feelings get in the way of using our brains.

    4. What we all need to do and do do on a daily basis. Judge ourselves in fear and trembling before God and pray for His will to be done.

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