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Feeling really out of place in church

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by 1smle2dmpls, Jun 6, 2008.

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  1. Feeling really out of place in church

    I'm pretty much not a good wife in my husband's eyes because I don't "submit myself to him, and I don't trust his decisions. I hate the place we live! I wanted to move to another city but he says he's not going anywhere wether I like it or not. I've been living in a city I can't stand. I cry so much and feel depress because I'm lonely. It's very lonely and I don't have any family around or any friends. He on the other hand has his family there. His family never miss a service at church, but his attitude turned into "macho man" than a godly man. I don't like the church because everybody knows everybody and everyone puts a fake smile. No one wants to watch t.v. in that church so if there's a fellowship the women end up talking about the same things. Their personal life, when they gave birth, and things they have done in the past with people I don't even know. I definatley feel so out of place. I can't relate to anyone. My husband blames me for not having friends but I've met many women and I just dont click with anyone. I dont know what to do.:(
  2. ask God for help in prayer.he will help.:)
  3. I totally sympathise with you, but my sympathy wont help you.
    What is important, is that, you build your relationship with Jesus, because out of that, all other relationships flow.
    Do you work?
    If not maybe that will give you a little escape from everyday life, we all need something to brighten our day.
    Do you have a vision?
    Something that God has spoken to you, about your call personally.
    Spend time each day just immersing yourself in His presence, you dont have to pray, just ask Him to come and minister to you .
    As for submission to your husband, what do you understand that to be?
    I understand it to be, that two married people choose to prefer each other and put each others desires and needs above their own, it isnt the wife being the doormat and letting her husband demand from her.
    Submission can only ever be given, not requested, because it comes from the heart not someone else enforcing it.
    It sounds to me that you feel a bit overwhelmed wi9th everything at the moment, and Jesus totally understands, just ask Him for help, ask Him for strategies to deal with the situations you face, and remember He isnt condemning you, He loves you and desires intimacy with you.
    God bless.
  4. The best way to fit in comfortably is to attend some home studies or group activities where you can get to know some of these folks. I am sure there are some nice people there you just haven't interacted with yet
    As far as the rest seek God and He will make His will plain and clear to you. You won't find contentment any where but in the center of that will.
  5. :pray: nothing is impossible with God :pray:
  6. Hey Jax! Thanks for your advice it was great! I'm currently in college right now I have 2 more years until I start working as a police officer. So its just me and my husband. I'm living in another state than my husband because I got overwhelmed! I'm enjoying it, sadly to say. I love my husband and dont want a divorce. I needed an escape big time!!! I was always home and studying everyday. I tried to do all the activities the woman do at the church but since 95% of them have kids I couldn't relate to anything, and what they enjoyed I didn't. Is that bad of me?
    I was the opposite of them. None of them have a career, they stay home and watch their kids. Not that that is bad I would too if I had kids. People only talk about the past activities and it gets really old for me. Ill just see what God does to help me out. Even though I've been asking for a long time now.
  7. Thanks Boanerges! I appreciate your advice. I had a question though..
    What do you mean by " you wont find contentment any where but in the center of that will?" I felt like my will was to have a family but my husband doesn't and it doesn't get out of my mind or dreams may that be a sign?

  8. What does it mean when you ask God to come minister to me?
    Thank You!
  9. [​IMG][​IMG]Not too long ago, I was having similar problems with my husband and family. I prayed for God's guidance and help and over time, He showed me what to do. The attitudes that needed changing in me. The steps I needed to take to be where I needed to be. Because we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves and how we react to what is going on around us.
    I highly reccommend you read "Love and Respect" (oh, goodness! I still cant remember who wrote it! I'll look it up when I get home and let you know). Also the "5 Love Languages". That one is at the local major department store, so it should be easy to find. These are excellent books that teach about relationships and how God intended for it to be.
    Jax and Boanerges gave some excellent advice. I'm sure there are people there at your church that you have not had a chance to interact with. Look for the ones that are on the sidelines, looking in. There is great treasure to be found in the overlooked. [​IMG]
  10. Thank you Fluffy!! I will look for those books! How do you know if it is what God wants? If it is his will? I heard that if everything falls into place than that was God's will, but if it doesn't than that wasn't the right time. But I look at when Moses went to Pharoh so many times to free Gods people. It wasn't easy but it was God's will.
  11. One good way: is there peace? Do you have peace in your heart? Does it line up with God's Word? If you are uneasy, and it doesnt line up, it very likely isnt His will!
    Like for instance: God's Word says for us to be honest. When you have an opportunity to make a choice between lying or telling the truth, and you think about lying, an uneasiness should be coming on you. But then when you think about being honest, you feel better on the inside. Probably nervous, wondering what will happen, but there is still a peace there.
    That is just a small example of what its like.
    Its not always about circumstances lining up. But more what does God's Word say about it?
  12. some people who are at church actually can be worked aggainst you.take no notice of man and listen to Jesus.
  13. Letting God minister to you is really just focusing on Him, on His Word, praising Him and lifting Him up and resting in that presence, as you do He will come and minister peace and acceptance and give you revelation of all He has for you.
  14. Thank you all for your time and great advice!
  15. Alot of times, it has nothing to do with your situation, but where your focus is. It was said, to emerse yourself in spending more time with God. Exactly. One major problem alot of people have, is letting too much focus go over on to things that irritate or bug them. Having more focus on negative things than good things, turn our attitudes from positive to negative. Before long, we end up concentrating more on the negative aspects, blocking out positive ones.

    When this happens, we tend to start putting blame over unto the other spouce. But God shows us, the best way to draw lost souls to Christ is thru them witnessing Christ thru us. As such, how better to change a spouce's influence and attitude, than by being the witness for Christ to them, God would have them demonstrate towards us?

    As a Councilor of couples for many years, I've heard it over and over, my spouce does this, does that, acts like this, thinks like that. I very seldom ever hear what they themselves are doing thats wrong. There is never any division between a couple being the fault of only the one spouce. Both always play a part in it.

    Thats why I always worked with each one seperately, then brought them together later as a couple to work together.

    There are specific Scriptures God has given us for both husbands and wives, to be the Godly Children He expects them to be. Any time either spouce goes against such Scriptures guiding them, problems can slowly grow and get worse. One main Scripture for both, is always to keep God the main focus above all things for each of them.

    Another is to always be more concerned about others than ourselves. Marriage is the same in that respect. A couple speaks vows to devote themselves to the other. That does not mean 50% of each makes 100%, but 100% from both.

    When there is division strong enough to cause true problems, a spouce needs to be in fervent prayer to God and reading his Word for the Holy Spirit to show them how to be the witness God can use to help correct themselves as well as thier spouce, back inline with God.

    Remember, our battle is not of the flesh, but of the spirit. Its not your spouce trying to divide you, but Satan trying to. He needs to be driven out and God's influence brought back in.

    God Bless!!
  16. Someone needs to start a network for Christian Cop Chicks.:D
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