Fake It 'Til You Got It?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Unconventional, Aug 11, 2007.

  1. Fake It 'Til You Got It?

    My roommate gave me the title's advice when I asked him about confidence. He said I had to fake confidence until I had it, in regards to relationships, because women are attracted to confidence.

    I honestly don't have a great deal of confidence, and find faking it to be, well, fake. I don't like presenting someone I'm not. I am a lonely individual, but not a desperate one. I've resigned myself to the fact that I may very well be single for the rest of my life, and that bothers me only a little anymore.

    What's ya'll's take on confidence? Should I fake it, or just wait for a woman to come around that can accept me for the somewhat unstable, slightly introverted eccentric that I am?
  2. "Faking it" may have been the wrong words he used in reference to what he really meant? I say that because I believe when we lack self confidence that we need to practice behavior that attributes to confidence. Is that really faking it? Maybe, at first~
    A person may slouch, talk quietly, avoid people, etc....If you are aware of these traits you can change them though you still may lack the confidence. A person can stand tall, smile more, talk a little louder, and make himself go in public more~
    Practiced behavior then becomes habit and these specific habits can lead to a true confidence~

    You should never change your personality; it is who you are, but ENHANCE it! :)
  3. just be yourself.if they dont like yourself then there is no future.:)
  4. You have a very good point Smellycat, but sometimes there is room for improvement within ourselves~ :)
  5. that will come naturally .:)
  6. To some of us, shyness and low self esteem come naturally~
  7. Violet has given some excellent advice.

    I know the scene, hehe, I was a shy introverted girl growing up, very insecure and afraid to really say "BOO" ....

    The thing that really changed me was when I decide to challenge myself. I was so tired of being this way.... So, I decided to join the music team at church, then I started to worship lead..... scary at first.... but over a period of time I was so used to being up front before people that my confidence grew.

    Another really good confidence builder is to read the scriptures . Read about who you are in Christ!!!! Go to your concordance and find all the scriptures that tell you the good things!!! like you are an overcomer, you are raised up with Christ! You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you!!!!

    Gradually day by day , see yourself as the man you want to be in God, confident and sure in HIM...

    I know as a female I would be so much more attracted to a guy who pursues holiness . Confidence is good but if it is a self confidence that has no room for God then it is a real turn off...
    Confidence in God!!! now thats a turn on, lol...:D
  8. i agree seranade.:)
  9. Confidence is elusive, and almost seems at odds with a Christian mindset, but it is not.

    [SIZE=-1]I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13[/SIZE]

    So the foundation of your confidence is in place. You have the most important ally in your corner.

    In terms of behavioral approaches, these things take time. Perchance most of the women you are approaching are assuming that you are looking for some sort of quick gradification?

    From what I have read, you seem to be displaying your heart up front, with all the emotions that entales. Your dates are as nervous or even more nervous as you.

    Some worldly advice would suggest that you consider what you are good at, be it working, a hobby, or some special talent that you have, and accentuate on that. From there, you will build your confidence.

    Lastly, the fact that you are reaching out is proof that you, my friend, are nowhere as lonely as other may lead you to think.
  10. Amen to that Arcal!:D
  11. You can't fake confidence, not for long at least. It's important that you like yourself before you can expect anyone else to like you. You have to see the good in yourself before anyone else will see it. Sometimes having someone in your life seems like it will fix all of your problems and heartaches, but it's at those times, that having someone would be worse for you. Focus on what's important, and let God bring someone to you instead of going out searching.
  12. There are so many Christian women that most likely feel exactly the way you do. So "both of you" end up waiting for someone to "make a move".

    As a result you both sit at home lonely !

    THE LORD GOD has somebody for you that is compatible, the problem is HOW DOES HE BRING YOU BOTH TOGETHER ?

    I say pray and fast that HE will reveal her to you. If there is sin in both of your lives ( and who does not sin ? ) then this may be blocking the good that GOD wants to do for you. Only you know what that may be. We all struggle with temptation and sin on a continuous basis. No one is immune. We all fail.

    In my own case, single, NBM, and 54 years olde, I know exactly how you feel. I know that I must be able to present myself to a potential Single Christian Lady, as being set free by the grace of GOD, washed and clean. If I do not make the effort to be presentable by letting go of olde habits and continuous sinful attitudes and habits, why would GOD present to me a Christian Lady to be potentially mistreated by my worldly actions ?

    I pray to THE LORD GOD, for the both of us, to find a mate , and to finally BE MARRIED !

    JESUS bless you,

  13. What if you fake it but never get it?????

    Do you realy want or need someone that was attracted to something other than what you realy are as a person.?????

    It is better to be alone in truth than accompanied in a lie.

    "Unconventional "is it???

    By your screen name and some of your other postings it appears that being "unconventional " may be more of an issue for you than lack of confidence.
    Acting in or displaying counterdictory or unusual life styles causes people to be causous around you. Being shuned and avoided is not a confidence builder.
    You might want to try being more "conventional" and see if that doesn't do something for your confidence and loneliness.

    Sincerely His
  14. You just told me that it's better to be alone in truth than accompanied in a lie. I agree.

    Then you turn around and tell me to be conventional and live a lie so that I might be accompanied.

  15. unconventional,

    I didn't word that correctly. I by no means meant for you to "imitate" a more conventional life style, but rather for you to change your life style to something more conventional.

    The differance is that changing ones lifestyle comes from the heart and is reflected in ones actions.
    Where as faking it is mearly pretence of a changed heart and a deception, acting like one has changed.
    A fine line to be sure but a most important one when it comes to fellowshiping and having relationships with followers of Christ Jesus.

  16. One of the most oft repeated phrases in the bible is, "Be strong and courageous". I would read that over and over, paint it on the walls, post it on the fridge, repeat it over and over, till you are living those words.
  17. Cliff,

    Thank you for your clarification, but it still presents the same problem: I am who I am for a reason. I chose the screen name "Unconventional" from the idea that I am different from most fundamentalist Christians.

    Yes, I am a fundamentalist in terms of doctrine. I was raised to believe in Southern Baptist theology, but it never made sense to me that rock music, playing cards, dancing, or any of that was unholy, because I never read any of that in Scripture. The verses that they used to try to convince me of that were twisted out of context and frankly didn't hold any water. I'm a fundamentalist who listens to rock music, and on the little things (i.e., methods of baptism), I'd rather focus on more important issues (like winning souls to Christ and changing their behavior as Christ leads them).

    That is why I call myself Unconventional. I was never closer to God than when I left denominations behind and asked the Lord to crush the foundations I had been raised on. I did that so that He might rebuild them as He wished, instead of allowing a man or an organization to shape and build an unnecessary foundation.

    In terms of confidence, I've been asking the Lord to make me more like Joshua: strong and courageous. I've asked Him to take away those things that make me feel insecure, and to heal the scars I've avoided healing until now. I have also been taking a more aggressive approach to dealing with people. If I believe that I'm right, I used to nod my head in agreement with someone I disagreed with, just to avoid an argument. Now I am more open to disagreeing with someone, and dealing with their aggravation and shock when they realize that someone isn't going to bend over backwards to make them comfortable.

    I've also stood up to my father more. I was a very submissive child, because I was afraid of my father. As a child, if I said something he didn't want to hear, he'd tell me to be quiet. I would do so, whether I thought I was right or not. Now, if I believe that I'm right and he tells me to be quiet, I respectfully but firmly tell him that I am no longer in his house, and though I respect him as a person, I have a right to be heard.

    Thirdly, I've taken it upon myself to change some of the music I listen to. I used to listen to a lot of "emo" music that complains about how life is completely horrible. I cleaned all that junk out of my music files, and have started listening to songs about asserting oneself in the world more forcefully. It feels good when I can hold my head up high and actually quietly disagree with someone, and even when I can (as my roommate puts it), "pull the BS flag" on someone when they try to lie to me. Before, I was simply accepting of that.

    I've also noticed that others have started to take notice of my sudden surge of confidence, and they asked me where I got it. I told them it was because God gave me a new perspective on life, and being a throw rug isn't written into Scripture. Granted, there's validity to picking your battles, but when it's time to fight, I don't just bring a shield to the battle.
  18. As I said, "Faking it" is a bad choice of words, but they are the words we are using here.
    I still stand by what I said because you can't truly fake a confidence that isn't already hidden within you somewhere!
    You are practicing to bring out the best from within you with practiced behavior~

  19. Unconventional, I lack confidence alot, very shy, self consious and all the rest lol.
    You have to "Step out the boat".
    Do things you have never done before.
    It will make you feel uncomfortable, but if you do that and do it again, you will get used to it and it will become part of you.
    So then you move up a level.
    Then you just keep "Stepping out of the boat".

    Sure it makes you feel uncomfortable, may even embarass you, but its the only way to build your charactor.
  20. B2LY, exactly!!!


Share This Page