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Experiences Of Dealing With Petty Vindictive People?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by 福井舞, Jul 2, 2014.

  1. the type that will not forgive or forget, and literally bend on doing everything to make your life hell simply because you had "one" altercation?

    and no amount of being nice to them could appease them?

    what do you do, beside praying that is?
  2. Some people can be won over with respect. Some need fear and respect. I frequently inspire fear and respect in people around me. My coworkers all love me, but I remind them frequently that I get psychotic if pushed too far. This seems to keep everyone in line, and I get the best of both worlds. I am very well liked by almost everyone I know, but there's an underlying fear that makes people think twice before they screw with me.

    It's debatable whether my strategy is a viable option for a Christian, but it is effective.
  3. Confront them on their immaturity and ask them genuinely why they can't drop it. If they still want to act like a child and hold a grudge then avoid them.
    Kinley likes this.
  4. I don't believe that fear is the right way to get respect. I highly doubt the respect you are getting is real. Would you respect someone if they were holding a gun to your head and saying "if you don't do what I want i'll blown your brains out"? I'm pretty sure your coworkers are faking whatever good feelings you're getting from them. Real respect isn't gained by being threatening.
    Euphemia likes this.
  5. good idea.

    though I think most people who are like this generally are the back stabbing type.
  6. #6 God is Love, Jul 3, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2014
    I don't see what they can do to back-stab you if you are respectful when confronting them.
  7. well, that is the thing , some people respond well to respectful confrontation, others simply don't like people confront them in any form or shape.
  8. It's worth a shot though if it has the possibility of resolving discord, that's why I said if they respond immaturely that you should then avoid them :)
    福井舞 likes this.
  9. Luke 23:34a (KJV)
    Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
    Euphemia likes this.
  10. Is the person another believer? May be Jesus gave a good advice

    Mathew 18
    15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
    福井舞 likes this.
  11. This is indeed a good advice

    the only problem is that Church is made up of people

    the only way this particular scripture could hold is if majority of church members agree with it.

    but in my experience, there are always other factors at play

    for examples

    friendships and loyalties.

    self interest including self preservation for example, pastors who may not want to confront a member of the church because of that person 's power or vindictiveness or both, in order to make his own life easier.
  12. Tell them that you can't enter Heaven with hate in your heart.
  13. Unfortunately, YOU cannot fix someone else....
    Your only option is to accept the person 100% as they are...
    Make no excuses for their behavior....
    Don't take the blame for the bad behavior upon yourself.....
    Their behavior is their choice....

    Now... Is the person a significant other or family member?

    Ask their forgiveness for your previous behavior that may have offended them.
    If they offer to forgive you - great.

    If not - there is probably nothing else you can do.
    At that point - cut off fellowship.

    If it's the person you married.. Well... The only thing you can do is to humble yourself and love them as they are.
  14. You forgot:

    Luke 6:28-30 (KJV)
    Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the [one] cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not [to take thy] coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask [them] not again.

  15. This is a great thread. Some great replies.

    I'm curious how personal experience has played this scenario out for you all. In moments in your life when you personally have suffered from being petty and vindictive (or even plain old unforgiving), what was most instrumental in your restoration? Was there an attempt at restoration that was more hurtful than helpful?
  16. I agree, we can never fix anyone else.

    and I think cut off fellowship when the relationship turn really toxic is a good way to go.

    after all, every relationships has two person in it, even if you behaved in a right manner, doesn't guarantee the other person will do it ( in fact, given we all have sinful nature, being fair to others doesn't come naturally)
  17. good question, I have definitely been in places where I was petty and vindictive, or just plain unforgiving.

    restoration, I guess that could only come from God, but if the person is not repentant, and keep refuse to cut it out, then it is indeed difficult.

    also I personally detest people who are gutless and sneaky, instead of coming out and man up and say what they want to say, they basically put on this false pretence of being friendly, as a strategy of bring you down, even Christians are not immune to shameless tactics such as those, but than again, if a person is shameless enough to do it, then they clearly wont care about being shameless in the first place.

    But one of the things I learnt is God sees, and that is all it matters.

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