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"English" Signs from Around the World

Discussion in 'Humor' started by jeremiah7, Mar 28, 2011.

  1. On a French passenger jet:
    Live West Under Your Seat.

    In a Tokyo hotel:
    Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

    In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
    The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

    In a Leipzig elevator:
    Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

    In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
    Please leave your values at the front desk.

    In a hotel in Athens:
    Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

    In a Yugoslav hotel:
    The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

    In a Japanese hotel:
    You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Monastery:
    You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
    Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

    In a Swiss mountain inn:
    Special today: no ice cream.

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
    Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

    On the menu of a Polish hotel:
    Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

    Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
    Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

    Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    English well talking. Here speeching American.

    At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
    Drop your trousers here for best results.

    Outside a Paris dress shop:
    Dresses for street walking.

    At a Rhodes tailor shop:
    Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

    Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
    There will be a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
    It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

    In a Zurich hotel:
    Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

    In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
    Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

    In a Rome laundry:
    Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
    Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

    At a Budapest zoo:
    Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

    At the office of a Rome doctor:
    Specialist in women and other diseases.

    At an Acapulco hotel:
    The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

    At a Tokyo shop:
    Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

    A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
    Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
    When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

    In a Tokyo bar:
    Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
    We take your bags and send them in all directions.

    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
    If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
    Rumely and nikljones say Amen and like this.
  2. Laughed till I cried. Hilarious.
  3. Thanks. God Bless.
  4. LOL but we English speakers are just as bad or maybe worse. BBC seems to be down at the moment so I can't post the links to the articles but bilingual signs are used in Wales.

    There is one sign where the English says "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only". What appeared at the bottom of it wasn't even a translation. In Welsh it gives an automated email reply (from the Welsh speaking translator) saying that he is not in the office at the moment!

    Then there was one where the English was telling cyclists to dismount. I gather the Welsh was something about cystitis.

    Oh and sticking with cyclists, apparently there was another where in English they were warned to look left but in Welsh to look right.
  5. Too funny. I loved it!!!
  6. Blame it all on those blokes at Babel! Lotsa fun!


  7. I've seen a few funny ones myself on products I've bought, not quite like these but I enjoyed them.

    Awhile back I bought a curling iron that specified "Not to use while sleeping." Well, gosh, when else would I have time to style my hair? My days are busy you know...

    I also once bought a pack of crayons and when I opened the flap it said underneath it "Do not open this flap, open from here --->"... but you really couldn't see that unless you'd opened the flap.

    And then the last two were on products in the store that I used to work at. I didn't actually buy these products, but noticed the labels while stocking shelves.

    Our Christmas lights said they were for "Indoor or Outdoor use Only"
    (I'm told that's a common one on Christmas lights, but it still makes me laugh)

    And on a bag of ice melt it said in big red writing across the front "Will Not Harm Vegetation if Applied As Directed"
    One day, out of curiousity, I turned it around and red the directions.... "#1 Do not apply near vegetation."
  8. 3 months after starting this thread, I still had a good laugh when I read it today after Cehsja replied to the post.
  9. Once while driving to work in my hometown in Kerala, I saw a sign outside a new barber shop. It said "Her Dressing". The guy must have intended "Hair Dressing" of course but this was what he finally put up. That was funny and I had a laugh. But what I saw a couple of days later was even funnier. Obviously someone must have tipped the barber regarding the wrong word. He must have thought about it or perhaps there was a discussion with the one who tried to point it out to him, but he finally changed the sign to "Hare Dressing.":)
    Rumely likes this.
  10. One of the best ones I have encountered was a packet of peanuts bearing the warning "May contain traces of nuts." Truly? What a surprise!


  11. In fairness I guess some things have to be their either by law or to avoid potential lawsuits...

    I've got micrometer on my desk at the moment. Its instruction leaflet includes:

    Maintain correct balance and footing, ensure the floor is not slippery and wear non slip shoes.​
    Remove ill fitting clothing. Remove ties, watches, rings and other loose jewellery. Contain or tie back long hair.​

    (not needed to use the instrument but standard workshop health and safety type stuff).
  12. Lol! Yes actually I had a similar one too that I forgot about.

    I had bought some lobster salad that warned "May contain crustaceans"
    Well, I'd HOPE so!
  13. Somehow "crustaceans" doesn't sound as appetizing as "lobster."
  14. So true!

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