Dusty's Jokes

Tricky Students

[FONT=Verdana,]Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each
boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was"...
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:dance::dance::dance: Ha ,Ha Brother Ban . I got it . You do hve to read it a few times and then the light bulb comes on.:cool::cool::cool:
 
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[FONT=arial,helvetica] The Army of the Lord [/FONT]
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friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
 
[SIZE=+1]Good grammar" [/SIZE]

Teacher: Billy, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Billy: I is ...
Teacher: No, Billy. Always say, "I am."
Billy: All right ... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
 
[SIZE=+1]"Which airline?" [/SIZE]

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Atlanta noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him.He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Nope, not Delta."
He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the United slogan, "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?" This time the woman savagely turned on him, "What do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair,and said.... "Ahhh, Air Canada.!"
 
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[FONT=arial,helvetica] Dust to Dust [/FONT]
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little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"

"That's right son, why?"

"Well that's just what they said at church today."

"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."

About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son.

The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!
 
[SIZE=+1]Good grammar" [/SIZE]

Teacher: Billy, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Billy: I is ...
Teacher: No, Billy. Always say, "I am."
Billy: All right ... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet


I love this!
 
[SIZE=+1]"Hamster care" [/SIZE]

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"
 
Being Polish

Everyone is in a hurry to scream "racism" these days!

A man asks a clerk in a store.

"In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?

"Would you? Would you?"

The clerk says, "Well, no!"

"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
 
[SIZE=+1]"Generation gap" [/SIZE]

My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
 
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[FONT=arial,helvetica] In All Things Give Thanks [/FONT]
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4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
 
Sending The Bill
[FONT=Verdana,]A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
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[SIZE=+1]"Hearing aid" [/SIZE]

My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbour, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.
Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"
 
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