Dusty's Jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dusty, Aug 2, 2007.

  1. Dusty's Jokes

    I just thought that instead of taking a new thread each time that I would post all of mine here.

    Can You Sleep While the Wind Blows?
    [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]
    Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands.
    Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that
    raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.

    As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals.

    Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached
    the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?"
    the farmer asked him.
    [FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]
    "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

    Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help,
    hired him. The little man worked
    well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

    Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.

    Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"
    The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

    Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on
    the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
    To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were
    in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

    Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed
    to also sleep while the wind blew.

    When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear.
    Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?
    The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm.
    We secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God.
    We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

    I hope you enjoy your day and that you sleep well.:):)
  2. Thanks Dusty! :)
  3. Dusty, I love this!
    What a lesson!!! :israel:
  4. This also is not a joke but a message with a meaning and get your tissues.

    I was at the corner grocery store buying some early
    > > > > >>>potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature,
    > > > > >ragged
    > > > > >>>but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green
    > >peas.
    > > > > >>>I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh
    > > > > >green
    > > > > >>>peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
    > > > > Pondering
    > > > > >the
    > > > > >>>peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr.
    > >Miller
    > > > > >>>(the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. 'Hello Barry, how
    > > > > >>>are
    > > > > >you
    > > > > >>>today?' 'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them
    > > > > peas.
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>They sure look good.' 'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
    > > > > 'Fine.
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>Gittin' stronger alla' time.' 'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
    > > > > >'No,
    > > > > >>>Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.' 'Would you like to take some home?'
    > > > > >>>asked Mr. Miller. 'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
    > >'Well,
    > > > > >>>what have you to trade me for some of those peas?' 'All I got's my
    > > > > >prize marble
    > > > > >>>here.' 'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller. 'Here 'tis..
    > > > > >She's
    > > > > >>>a dandy.' 'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue
    > > > > >and I
    > > > > >>>sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the
    > > > > >>>store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost.' 'Tell you what. Take
    > > > > >>>this
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at
    > >that
    > > > > >red marble'
    > > > > >>>. Mr. Miller told the boy. 'Sure will.. Thanks Mr. Miller.' Mrs.
    > > > > >>>Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a
    > > > > >smile
    > > > > >>>she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all
    > > > > >three
    > > > > >>>are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them
    > > > > >for
    > > > > >>>peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their
    > > > > >red
    > > > > >>>marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after
    > >all
    > > > > >>>and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or
    > >an
    > > > > >>>orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.' I left
    > > > > >the store
    > > > > >>>smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I
    > > > > >moved
    > > > > >>>toColorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and
    > > > > >>>their bartering for marbles. Several years went by, each more rapid
    > > > > >>>than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some
    > > > > >>>old
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that
    > > > > Mr.
    > > > > >Miller had
    > > > > >>>died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my
    > > > > >>>friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at
    > > > > >the
    > > > > >>>mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased
    > >and
    > > > > >>>to offer whatever words of comfort we could Ahead of us in line
    > >were
    > > > > >three
    > > > > >>>young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice
    > > > > >>>haircuts, dark suits and white shirts....all very professional
    > > > > >looking.
    > > > > >>>They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her
    > > > > >>>husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on
    > > > > >>>the
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty
    > > > > >>>light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
    > >stopped
    > > > > >>>briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the
    > > > > >>>casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn
    > > > > >came to meet Mrs.
    > > > > >>>Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from
    > > > > >>>those
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's
    > >bartering
    > > > > >>>for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me
    > > > > >>>to
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I
    > >told
    > > > > >>>you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim
    > > > > >'traded'
    > > > > >>>them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color
    > > > > >or
    > > > > >>>size....they came to pay their debt.' 'We've never had a great deal
    > > > > >>>of
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would
    > > > > >>>consider himself the richest man in Idaho .' With loving gentleness
    > > > > >she lifted the
    > > > > >>>lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were
    > > > > >three
    > > > > >>>exquisitely shined red marbles. The Moral : We will not be
    > > > > >remembered by
    > > > > >>>our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the
    > > > > >>>breaths
    > > > > >
    > > > > >>>we take, but by the moments that take our breath.> > >
  5. This one will have you laughing:D:D


    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree
    > >just inside the cemetery fence.
    > >
    > >One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by
    > >the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
    > >
    > >"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
    > >Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
    > >
    > >Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he
    > >passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down
    > >to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One
    > >for you, one for me."
    > >
    > >He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
    > >
    > >Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
    > >
    > >"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!
    > > Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
    > >
    > >The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
    > >When the boy insisted though, the man
    > >hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
    > >
    > >Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for
    > >you, one for me..."
    > >
    > >The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.
    > >Let's see if we can see the Lord."
    > >
    > >Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still
    > >unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron
    > >bars
    > >of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the
    > >Lord.
    > >
    > >At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's
    > >go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
    > >
    > >Rumor has it that the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead
    > >of the kid on the bike.
    > >
    > >Smile, God Loves You!!!
    > >

  6. Red Marbles~I have tears in my eyes!
    Why can't everyone be this kind!
  7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
    "Take only ONE. God is watching."

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

    A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
    > A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
    > confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
    > "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
    > of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
    > vacuum cleaners." "Go away," said the old lady. "I haven't got any
    > money, I'm broke!" As she proceeded to close the door, the young man
    > wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too
    > he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And
    > that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
    > "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
    > from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. The
    > lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good
    > appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
    > What part of broke do you not understand?


    We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
    was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good"
    my wife said, "But I don't want the eggs".

    "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
    because you're ordering a la carte", the waitress warned her.

    "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked

    "YES!!" stated the waitress.

    "I'll take the special".

    "How do you want your eggs?"

    "Raw and in the shell", my wife replied.

    She took the two eggs home.

    We've been around the block more than once.


  10. Say a little prayer"

    Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

    "Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

    "I don't have to," the little boy replied.

    "Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

    "That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

  11. Original" Signs...quite creative!!

    Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

    "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


    In a Podiatrist's office:

    "Time wounds all heels."


    On a Septic Tank Truck :

    Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


    At a Proctologist's door:

    "To expedite your visit please back in."


    On a Plumber's truck:

    "We repair what your husband fixed."


    On another Plumber's truck:

    "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..!!"


    On a Church's Billboard:

    "7 days without God makes one weak."


    At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

    "Invite us to your next blowout."


    At a Towing company:

    "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."


    On an Electrician's truck:

    "Let us remove your shorts!!"


    In a Nonsmoking Area:

    "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


    On a Maternity Room door:

    "Push. Push. Push."


    At an Optometrist's Office:

    "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


    On a Taxidermist's window:

    "We really know our stuff."


    On a Fence:

    "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


    At a Car Dealership:

    "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


    Outside a Muffler Shop:

    "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


    In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

    "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


    At the Electric Company:

    "We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

    However, if you don't, you will be."


    In a Restaurant window:

    "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."


    In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

    "Drive carefully. We'll wait."


    At a Propane Filling Station ,

    "Thank heaven for little grills."


    And don't forget the sign at a

    Chicago Radiator Shop:

    "Best place in town to take a leak."


    See, what did I tell you....creative..huh?...



  12. CUTE!!!
  13. At the Electric Company:

    "We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

    However, if you don't, you will be."

  14. An itinerant evangelist was preaching at a little church. He rambled on and on, a lot longer than the host pastor ever spoke. And every time someone said, "Amen" or "That's right" he would just get fired up for another ten minutes or so.

    Eventually, the host pastor began to shout "Amen, Pharoah!' every few sentences. Finally the lengthy sermon wound down to a conclusion.

    After the people left the church, the evangelist asked the host pastor what he had meant by shouting, "Amen, Pharoah!"

    The host pastor replied, "Let my people go!"
  15. 2 little kids

    Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

    The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
    The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
    The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
    They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
    The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
    The first kid says, "A circumcision."
    "Whoa!" the second kid replies, "Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
  16. I'm Broke~

    I KNEW what was coming!! :D
  17. :DThose are realy cute Dusty, and FUNNY! I'd like to borrow a few if you don't mind?

  18. Hey Sheba.... Of course you can. You don't have to ask. I collect them from when people send them to my email.:dance::dance::dance::dance:

    Wen do you leave for Bible School ?
  19. This not a joke but will post it here for all to read.

    The 7-Ups of Life
    >1. Wake Up !!
    >Decide to have a good day.
    >"Today is the day the Lord hath made;
    >Let us rejoice and be glad in it."
    >Psalms 118:24
    >2. Dress Up !!
    >The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.
    >A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
    >"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.
    >Man looks at outward appearance;
    >But the Lord looks at the heart."
    >I Samuel 16:7
    >3. Shut Up!!
    >Say nice things and learn to listen.
    >Listen to advice and accept instruction,
    >And in the end you will be wise." (Proverbs 19:20)
    >4. Stand Up !!
    >For what you believe in.
    >Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
    >"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,
    >We will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
    >Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
    >Galatians 6:9-10
    > 5. Look Up !!
    >To the Lord.
    >"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me".
    >Philippians 4:13
    >6. Reach Up !!
    >For something higher.
    >...keep seeking the things above, where Christ is,
    >Seated at the right hand of God."
    >Colossians 3:1
    >7. Lift Up !!
    >Your Prayers.
    >"Do not worry about anything;
    >Philippians 4:6 i love this one
    >Remember the 7-ups of life and may
    >Love is my food. Truth is my oxygen. >


  20. I was at that service, Dusty!!! HaHa! :D

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