Don't want to be a worse person because of this...

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by IHeartLarrytheCucumber, Jan 23, 2008.

  1. Don't want to be a worse person because of this...

    I go to a weekly Bible study. And I love it. I've gone every week for the past 6 months. It's just a wonderful atmosphere to be in.

    However, recently there's been an addition to this study group, which is good don't get me wrong, but the girl is extremely annoying. I don't even know what to do anymore. She dominates biblical conversations to talk about herself, she dominates regular conversations to talk about herself, she pops into serious one on one conversations, she is just not someone I want to be around. She goes to this study every week. I find myself not even wanting to go to the study anymore because it puts me in a bad mood. She makes me not want to go, and I end up not being as good of a person as I should because of this.

    She's a nice girl, and I don't even think she realizes her annoyingness, but it's not just me, I'm almost positive a lot of other people feel this way, but we do not mention it because it's not the nice thing to do.

    Just don't know what I should do when a place of worship is putting me in a bad mood. I couldn't imagine joining a different group, either.

    Someone help me?? It's really getting int he way of my focus. =[
  2. That sounds alot like a story I read about a man who lived in the days of King Jeroboam II. He was so well known that even Christ spoke of him in Matthew 12 and in Luke 11.

    Anyway, God had a plan for him. (He did not like the idea at all) and in fact it gnawed at his very heart.

    He was called to go to a group of people, and it wouldn't have been so big of a deal, but he just HATED going there.

    (Kind of like me when my wife asks me to go into town to the store.)

    But in the process, God showed him the great value of prayer and of thanksgiving.

    He struggled at first. He struggled a great deal, but after a while, he turned out to be one of the greatest ministers of all time.

    His name was Jonah.

    She sounds like a nice girl to me, who is focused on herself, not on you, or the group, or God, but on herself.

    ............ What are you focused on my friend?

    The Group?

    .......... Yourself?,...... maybe? :eek:

    Maybe, just maybe, God wants you and her both to focus on Him.

    Are you up for the challenge?
  3. A friend of mine used to call that Holy Ghost sand paper and it was sent to wear down our rough edges.
  4. Your friend was right on the mark!

    Don't get me wrong IHeartLarrytheCucumber, It aint easy!

    I get calls all the time to go to the hospital, or something like that, and offer spiritual support to someone in need.

    Sometimes to go and visit people who want nothing at all to do with God, or especially a preacher.

    Believe you me, It's so very hard not to come up with a good reason not to. (I have some great reasons if anyone hasn't thought of them yet.)...

    I have a Sermon to finish.
    I have kids so I can't take a chance on catching something.
    My truck's been acting up.
    I don't feel well.
    I don't want to.

    It's hard. And nobody likes to. But this is how God works through us.

    He could do it all on His own Larry, He could do it all without you.

    But isn't it a glorious honor, that He would like YOU! to be a part of His plan!

    Edited to Add: Take a look at the signature quote you have placed below your posts!
    God is speaking to you brother!
  5. I understand how you feel too, but the guys are right, God is allowing this woman to be in the group to reveal and deal with some heart attitudes that wouldnt be revealed if things stay the way they are.
    Smile and think wow, God loves me enough to deal with issues in my life, even when I'm at my bible study!
  6. Thank you guys=] I'll try to pray through it.

    CSchultz-thank you sincerely for all your insight-it really helped! However, I'm a girl. lol. my name may be misleading. Larry the Cucumber is a funny character in a biblical series called VeggieTales.
  7. A girl huh? In that case, How you doing? ;) </"Joey" impersonation>

    Anyway, the way I look at it, the problem is really the same either way. Something is in place that is preventing your from growing spiritually. Usually, I have found that when we are about to really MOVE spiritually closer to God, that is when Satan will try his absolute hardest to distract you from your mission. Think about how easy it is to not go to church because you are just too tired for unknown reasons. Why can I easily sleep in until noon on Sunday, but I wake up at 6am on Saturday and during vacation?

    Now, here is where it gets more interesting. Why is she being allowed to dominate the Bible study like this? Are you the only one concerned, or are others having the same issue with her, but are being too "polite" to say anything. Because, yes, polite attitudes have their place, but if she is distracting everyone from their focus and their growing, then she is being extremely rude and irresponsible. And the group needs to either stand up and stop it, or accept that they are no longer going to be an effective group if they allow it. Otherwise, if you are the only one bothered, it could be either something in yourself that you need to examine, or time for you to find another group.
  8. "Ooh,Ooh,Ooh!",(Arnold Horshack, whenever he raises his hand)

    Ok, I have a different perspective on this. I have a best friend now for 19 years who fits this discription to a tee. All ya'll answers are great and I have tried to apply/see this about her. The ones that comes close may be the "sandpaper theory" and the "it's all about me theory".
    God has a funny sense of humor. :D He has always put "dominant" women in my life.:rolleyes: I'm the opposite. When we met, we were joined at the hip. I always agreed with her, looked up to her. She is smart, witty, can talk your ear off! Very emotional and very opinionated, even to the point of being narrow minded. All that said, it took all these years for me to overcome my fear of being rejected by her if I voiced my opinion differently from her. Even her sisters are domineiring. They are like, so right, no matter what!:p
    At first my friend did not realise she was like this. It had to be pointed out. Also, a very big factor in ALL OF THIS is the fact that her, now over, 22 year year marriage to a mentally and physically abusive husband, had alot to do with it.
    Women or girls that are constantly belittled or abused all their lives will at some time in there life need to express their anger or unhappiness.
    Now, I don't know anything about this gal you refer to, but every female with a dominate personality, that I've met, has revealed to me their life growing up. They have a father who was too stricked. They were raped. They had no father figure in their life. Their moms had many boyfriends, etc...
    All in all, it's not your imagination. There is a broader picture here. She has alot to say and wants or needs to be in control because everything else is out of control in her life. Find the love that God has begun in you and appy it to her, but you also do not have to become a doormat around her either. Most of the attitude is just a front to cover other issues anyway.
    Hope that helps.:groupray:
  9. If we wish to be like Jesus we must love the unlovely. I agree that she should not be allowed to dominate the whole study, this is the job of the leader to control. She is obviously a person with great need and much pain in her life so love her in Jesus Name.
  10. Good thing too, other wise, I wouldn't stand a chance!:p
  11. Thanks guys. If there was anyway to confront her in a Godly way, what should I do? Or maybe I should confront the pastor?

    I do try my hardest not to say something to her that I don't want to say, and so far I've succeeded. But that's part of the reason I made this thread. I don't want that to happen.
  12. PS Banarenth I love Friends and Joey is my favorite. And Ross. And Chandler. Actually I'm pretty sure I just love the guys on that show haha.
  13. In an ideal group setting, there is a really good facilitator who is able to bring the conversations back to the topic at hand. It sounds as though your group doesn't have a good facilitator, and this girl is being allowed to manipulate all the conversations. I am guessing that no one there knows how to steer things back to the topic and others may also be afraid of hurting the girl by saying anything. Maybe you could use this as a learning tool on how to be more assertive and a good facilitator. Even though you are not the facilitator, you could learn to look for ways to bring the conversation back to the topic when the girl starts into talking about herself. After she says something, you might be like, "That is a really good point, I can see where it applies to what we are studying in this way........." and then talk about what is being studied at the Bible study. I can promise you that doing this will not be easy. It takes a lot of practice to learn how to do it. Also, half of what she says may just be a goat path and may not have anything whatsoever to do with the topic of study. That is where you have to get creative, or maybe ask her a question about it that would draw it back to the topic. I wish you all the best in this situation.
  14. Disruptive people are used by the enemy

    I agree with Bookworm... We have a male in our group, that detours the 2 hour teaching all the time... with me me me topics...most have nothing to do with the teaching... I will have to speak to my Pastor... who is a mushy love bear type...

    I don't agree with sand paper theory, though I still love you Larry:D

    I once taught a Bible study and every week it seemed we had a new person that did nothing more than try to spent the entire hour on herself, nothing relating to the study... I suggest that after the 1 hour study we'd socialize, but that never worked, they were deaf...

    If it wasn't that it was someones dis-proval of the Bible version someone was reading.:(

    IT WAS ALWAYS SOMEONE NEW WITH SOMETHING NEW TO DIS-RUPT THE STUDY... Finally everyone decided to drive into town and spent the day gambling, like every other day...:eek:
  15. While I seem to be stuck on the reruns, I was never much into the show before, just couldn't resist the "There's a GIRL on the Interwebs" syndrome. n_n I'd say that either I'm too old for you or you're too young for me, but then I realize if I actually start dating girls at my own maturity level, the men in blue will eventually put me in a very sad place. XD
  16. Perhaps you haven't been sanded yet!!!LOL!
    Either way I love you too!
  17. It can be easy for us to base how we relate to people based on how they make us feel. I think the best thing we can do for anyone is to relate to them by how they feel about themselves. It seems this girl is screaming out as loud as she can for help without even knowing it. I used to be annoyed with these types of people as well. You just have to realize that people act like this for a reason. What's going on in this girl's life? She probably puts the attention on herself all the time because she actually needs attention. Alot of times good friends who are willing to just listen is just what someone needs to deal with life, and maybe be a bit less.... troublesome.

    Once you understand someone, it becomes much harder to be annoyed with them.
  18. That's funny! :D

    I guess the "Larry" threw me. I'm a big veggie tales fan too.

    You know, one thing I love about forums, gender, race, nationality, they all take a back seat.

    The way things ought to be.

  19. Couldnt agree more! *Overly Emotional* Its So BEAUTIFUL!. *Gives everyone a big hug* :p

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