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Domestic Battery and Prostitution

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by sweetytweety, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. sweetytweety

    sweetytweety New Member

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    I was engaged to a man for 11 years. During our engagement, there was much abuse and infidelity... he was also arrested last December for domestic battery and his trial is still pending (he beat me with a belt over and over again until I was black and blue all over)... he has no remorse for what he has done to me and received a plea bargain for a lesser charge of disturbing the peace... the court is not even making him attend domestic violence classes... he got away with everything.

    Over the past 11 years, he also has gone to several prostitutes... and two months ago, he went to an Asian massage parlor and paid a prostitute to give him a happy ending. The next day after meeting her, he dumped me and has been verbally abusive toward me. Now, he has fallen in love with this prostitute (who is still prostituting herself) and wants to marry her (after only knowing her for two months)... he is also taking her to California next week to meet his family.

    I am having a hard time dealing with all of this... my self-esteem is very low and I feel so much anger... I am having a hard time forgiving him... why would someone throw away an 11 year engagement for a prostitute he met at a massage parlor and why would someone leave a woman who is attending bible college for a prostitute, and why would someone choose a prostitute over a woman who has loved him for 11 years? He hurt me, he hurt my children, he hurt my family. His family does not care that she is a prostitute... they are totally accepting anything that he does... they think he is a hero.

    What kind of a man goes to prostitutes, dates them, and marries them? And, why is he treating her like a queen when he beat me with belts? Why is a prostitute, who is still sleeping with other men, deserve better treatment from him than I do? What did I do that was so wrong that he beat me, cheated on me, and left me for a hooker?

    He says he does not want God in his life and that he does not want to be married to a person attending bible college. When I told him I loved Jesus, he hit me over my head with a book several times and told me to get out of his apartment. He is Jewish, she is Buddhist, and he said that he does not want to be married to a Christian (even though I have been a Christian the whole time we have been engaged)... he told me two months ago that he had to marry a Jew (but his prostitute girlfriend is not Jewish) and he said that I cheated on him with Jesus and that if I wanted him back, I would have to become Jewish... yet, he asks nothing of his new girlfriend... she can be a Buddhist and have sex with men for money and be a horrible person, but he said I have to be perfect... and, then he dumped me anyway. She has sex with men all day... then goes over to his apartment and has sex with him all night (after only knowing him for two months)... she obviously has no moral backbone. He actually called me a month ago and told me that him and his prostitute girlfriend are very religious and know more about the old testament than I do... so, I told them both to reread the Ten Commandments about not committing adultery. Yeah, they both know so much that they did not even know Adam and Eve had more than two children or who Seth was or how many people boarded Noah's Ark... all they seem to know is how to have sex and turn their backs on God and Jesus and how to abuse Christian women. I told her how he beat me with a belt and got arrested and showed her the pictures of the belt marks all over my body... but, she laughed at me, told me not to contact her again, and had sex with my ex-fiance. She does not even care that the man she is dating beat me!

    Well, I do not know how to deal with this and I do not understand why he did this to me and why a hooker he met two months ago made him leave an 11 year relationship. Now, he is saying thst he never loved me and that he was insane to stay engaged to me for 11 years... he says he must have been out of his head to ever have proposed to mw... I think after 11 years of being engaged to someone and moving them out of state so they can be with you is not a mistake... he knew what he was doing... [​IMG]
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  2. Ginger

    Ginger Inactive

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    OMGosh!!!! I feel for you, I really do, but you should be thanking God that such a foul excuse for a human being dumped you since you are too weak to end it yourself. And I am not saying that as a criticism of you!

    What I will say about you is that your insecurities are NOT reflective of who you really are. Get to a good church and a good counsellor to help you see yourself as God sees you and overcome things that are holding you back and the lies that you believe, because you are far too goos and valuable to fall into this trap again.

    You deserve much better.

    I know it hurts and you are internalizing right now, but he is the one with the big problem, not you.

    Somehow you need to realize this is a blessing and rejoice that you have been set free from this nightmare.

    Start thanking God and ask His guidance for the future!

    Ginger praying for you
    #2
    calvin likes this.
  3. sweetytweety

    sweetytweety New Member

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    Thank you, Ginger, for your blessings, prayers, and encouraging words. I know I am better off without him and I know God will heal my heart... my ex-fiance did all of this just before I was suppose to start bible college... I am really struggling financially now... everything is falling apart. And, yes, he is a foul excuse for a human being... I cannot believe that anyone would treat someone this way... it is like I never knew him.
    #3
  4. Dok

    Dok Active Member

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    I pray that the grief and anger that you confessed in your original post will be replaced by God's outreach to you and your response to Him. I ditto Ginger's post, as well.
    #4
  5. revlynn

    revlynn Moderator Staff Member

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    Honey, you are much, much MUCH better off without this person in your life. I know it hurts when you have invested time and love into the situation, but I believe God has rescued you from what would have been a totally miserable existence.

    Give yourself a little time to grieve, but then take a good look - preferably with the help of an understanding counsellor - at the reasons why you were attracted to this man in the first place, and why you stayed with him for 11 years in spite of the beatings and infidelity. I suspect there may be some deep issues of self-worth (or lack of) that have allowed you to accept this kind of treatment, and if you don't deal with those issues you will be in danger of falling into another similar relationship.

    Always remember this: the value of anything is the price someone is prepared to pay for it. For you, God paid the price of Calvary. You are precious and valuable - far too precious and valuable to allow yourself to be treated in this manner.

    I pray that God will heal your hurts and show you how valuable you are to Him.

    blessings,

    Lynn
    #5
  6. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    You are much better without this man, even though it may seem a little hard to hear that right now, but know that soon, you are going to have to fogive this man...no matter what he did.
    #6
  7. John Christensen

    John Christensen New Member

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    As everyone has said above, this really is a blessing in disguise. You have been living your life the right way and God blessed you for it by removing such a problematic person from your life. I pray that you will soon be able to embrace and enjoy this blessing.
    #7
  8. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    I was sexually abused by a youth pastor for 3 years, starting at the age of 13. First of all, this was not right. I think we can all agree, but if I was mad and angry all my life towards him and put forth all the hatred, it wouldn't hurt him, it would hurt me. I am now 19 years old and the court case is just now over with. It actually ended last week. This man looked like a saint on the outside, but when I came forward, people noticed the signs. After the long court process, which was very hard on me emotionally, he got 15 years probation. The judge told the court that he had enough information to arrest him for 40 years, but he ended up plea bargaining and only got 15 years probation and had to register as a sex offender. I prayed for him and his family through all of this because even though what he did wrong, God is the final judge and I pray that he doescome back to Christ. I have no doubt that his knowledge of Christ was large. His teachings were amazing. It took me awhile to forgive this man and I had to even pray to God to help me to forgive this man. It was hard and you can't forgive someone like this on your own. God has to be in the middle of it. I have come out of this situation stronger. Living in a VERY small community with 1 stop sign and no red light and one stop sign, everybody knows everybody. When the news came out, everyone told me how awful it was and how sorry they were that it happened, but as a Christian, I was able to spout back to them Romans 5:1-5. That was my key verse and I was so excited when God revealed it to me. God has sent many people my way to alloww me to minister to them and share my story. I pray that you will not let this test be a failure but a testimony. Remember Isaiah 40:31. You are an eagle, not a chicken :) Please feel free to message me if you want to talk. Have a blessed day in Christ!
    #8
  9. revlynn

    revlynn Moderator Staff Member

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    Thank you for sharing your testimony. Praise God that He has brought you through this in victory. I'm sure that He will use your experience as you minister to others. Unfortunately, the person who started this thread has not been around since August, so I don't know whether she will get your message (though it may be that she looks at the site without logging in.) In any case, I am sure it will be a blessing and inspiration to others here.

    blessings,

    Lynn
    #9
  10. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    Yes, I wish I had found this sooner, but I didn't. I am not to the point where I am excited that it happened, but I am to the point where I can praise God that He is using this for the greater good.
    #10
  11. master of desguise

    master of desguise Member

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    That's very encouraging! My sister is sort of going through the same situation. She was sexually abused by a man in the community, and as well as in your situation, we live in a very small town (actually its not even considered a hamlet anymore), where there is also 1 stop sign and no red lights. This happened about a year and a half ago, and has been very hard on everyone in my family, as most people in town think that we are lying about what really happened, and that the offender has no fault at all. There has been one hearing, but we are still waiting for the next one. It's just so hard to go on with life, when a person has to try to remember the details for testifyign in court. Especially for my sister. And my dad is a pastor, so its sort of even harder, becuase its like "life in the fishbowl" so to speak. Its been hard for me too, because I work with some people related to the offender, and now they won't even talk to me anymore (or anyone in our family) because of this whole situation.
    #11
  12. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    I am praying for your sister! I know it is hard. I know it is tough, especially in a small community. There are awkward moments around many people. You get judged, you get talked about, and you are the talk of the town. There are days, you just want to run to your room and cry, but I can promise that it will get better. I wrote all the details down in a journal. Testifying in court is awful, but there are many ways you can get around it. Hopefully the offender will testify. Would your sister be willing to talk to me?
    #12
  13. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    I meant " hopefully the offender will plea bargain"
    #13
  14. master of desguise

    master of desguise Member

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    Thanks! She might be willing to. If you want to give me your email, I'll pass it on to her and then you can go from there. You are so encouraging! I just wish that this whole thing would be over and done with! It feels like its taking FOREVER to get to the bottom of this!
    #14
  15. Alisha Barber

    Alisha Barber New Member

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    I promise it will get better. There are so many things that everyone involved can learn from this. You, your sister, your parents, the offender, his family.....you all can learn from this. The biggest thing I learned was the gift of forgiveness. You learn the love of God in a lot deeper way and you also learn patience. There is so much stress between hearings and trials. The family gets tense, and sometimes as the victim, you feel like everything is all your fault, just because it is a very stressful situation. I am praying for you all. Stay patient, and remember Isaiah 40:31 and remember that you are an eagle, not a chicken. I will message you my address. If you have any questions or want to talk, I am open to talk about anything that I know or has happened to me. Keep your head up. Your family will come out victorious, because whether judgement is served on the offender of not, God is the ultimate judge!
    #15
  16. adamgilchrist2012

    adamgilchrist2012 Member

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    Yes. I wish of God. God not wrong with you as well as prostitute.
    #16
  17. Andres1986

    Andres1986 Member

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    You have some major healing to do. one of the things you need to work on is yourself, in that you would stay so long in an environment like that. That said, if that is what you will take I think when you do find someone that is worth having in your life you be one great catch. And please do all involved a favor, stay away from this boy. If he only did half of what you stated he has a long way to go to be a man. I say stay away based on history. I come from an abused back ground, and as a kid I had no choice but to deal with it. you owe it to yourself, and if you need strength the Bible great, however you really should not need to look further then your kids. To this day I still fight with demons based on what I went though. God bless. heal yourself and find a good man- not perfect, just good.
    #17

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