Does God Separate The Equally Yoked ? Need Advice/opinions !!!!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lillysanders, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. Me and my bf have been together for 9 months, we were both saved 3 weeks ago. I am now 5 months pregnant and he has told me that God doesn't want him to be with me. Although he wants to be there for the child, he says he has no choice in being with me. If we both love each other, we're happy and were BOTH saved why would god want to separate a family??? Not meaning to question god but just really need advice.

    Also I think it is wrong for the child to have to go back and forth for weekly visitation . I want a stable mother & father household for my child

    He says that god has laid this on his heart and that he will obey his word. I have tried to explain that a family doesn't have to be a married couple. It is our child, a mother and a father. He says that it doesn't matter bc god only dislikes divorce and that we are not married therefore he isn't counted against for it, also saying that when the baby was conceived that we were living in sin and that god had no plan and no hand in the making of my child..... I'm interpreting as he is saying our child is a mistake? All babies are a blessing from god.

    I would love advice and opinions from anybody !
  2. I am not going to be polite: my apologies up front.

    He needs to "MAN UP" and take the responsibility as a Father and Husband AND Spiritual Leader of the household AND #1-if he is saved he better start reading the Bible about what it says about children, marriage and LOVE!

    He is WRONG....
    KingJ and Lillysanders say Amen and like this.
  3. Thank you. It is pretty hammered in his head that this is the right thing for him to do ( god telling him to leave) . He said he read it in his devotional and that god keeps reassuring him.
  4. My advice:

    Seek a Bible believing Church, you would think in SC that wouldn't be hard...anyway I digress.

    Get connected with a Women's group that has a small group Bible study-preferably in same said church and start fellowship with Bible believing ladies.

    Let your BOY know-whether or not you're married-HE will be held accountable for his child's spiritual development before God-it is his blood too....

    You need some good love fellowship with LADIES...For the third time-Women folk...

    I am not going to berate you about out of wedlock blah blah blah...if you get a lot of that then you may need seek a loving fellowship elsewhere. I am sure you feel bad enough as it is. And it is not your fault completely -I did a lot of dumb things as a teenager-OH YEAH and still do...

    Start living right today and work on your relationship with Christ, pray for your husband...whoever that may be a good godly man.

    This is a situation close to my own heart so I am somewhat passionate about it.
  5. I politely disagree Dirty. I know I may get a lot of "hate" responses for what I'm about to say, but I have to share my opinion because of a personal experience.

    I have a best friend who is a male. He has wanted to be with me since day one and fell in love with me. Because I would not give myself to him, mainly because he was not Christian at the time, he continued to date a woman that he was not 100% about. To him, he described her in so many words as good enough. She's nice, pretty, educated, etc., but there was nothing about her that truly challenged him. Throughout their relationship he has continued in communication with me and even told me he was in love with me. He found out she was pregnant and after much pressure and internal debate, he said he was going to do the "right thing" and ask her to marry him. Now he is saying that he has over a year to decide if he really wants to move forward with her. Essentially, he is not engaged to her for the right reasons. Only because she's pregnant and everyone told him he should.

    So now he wants to see me everyday (still) talks about our connection and how much he loves and cares about me (still). I have politely declined numerous invites and calls out of respect for his fiance. This has been incredibly difficult for me because I am torn having a best friend but also being a woman. I told him to slow down when he was mentioning getting engaged, but he didn't. Now he is still unsure. Today, I told him he made his bed and needs to lay in it.

    I advised him that he should really pray about this and then he asked me what I think God would say. I told him that GOD SEES THE HEART. Not what "the right thing to do" is. Therefore, if my friend is lusting after other women (myself including because he has told me) and his heart is truly not with his fiance, do I think that will suddenly change once he is married and has a child? NO. Do I think God see this in his heart? Yes. God says that even if a man so far as lustfully looks at another woman, he is committing adultery. I do not think that in this instance, God would push for my friend to get married if he knows deep in his heart that my friend will continue to commit mental adultery throughout his relationship.

    Moreover, I see nothing in the bible that specifically states you must marry someone you impregnate. If there are these scriptures, Dirty, please provide them to me. I see everything in the bible that points to God seeing whats in your heart. Living for HIM and not for other people. To me that is most important.

    Onto your situation, Lilly. I think your boyfriend is just freaking out. If you and him had a great relationship prior to all of this, then most likely he is just a young man scared. I doubt that he does not love you. However, I do think it is wise to sit down and have a very candid discussion with him on why God is supposedly telling him not to move forward in a relationship with you. It will be his reason and His reason that will be very telling and which should help you decide also what you want to do. Just remember, that you are beautiful and deserve a man that truly wants and adores you. If he is not that man, I know God has someone better in store for you.

    Good luck and God bless.
    Lillysanders likes this.
  6. re-post deleted
  7. I really want to help you; but you need to understand a few things as far as making life decisions as a Christian. God has a plan, when you go against that plan-then God steps out of the picture. If you want God back in the picture, you HAVE TO confess, repent, pray, and God will forgive. But God is not one to just wave a magic wand and fix your problems. He will let you suffer the consequences of your sin action.

    It would be so much easier if we follow God's plan from the beginning rather than going "oops" God can you help me now?

    @lifeasweknowit: You have to step away from the rule of emotions-God does not operate by rule of emotions. Do not so use the term love loosely with God. My advice to you is to not talk to any males unless they are going to court you and put a ring on your finger and you only see each other at CHURCH or with parents around. Don't care how old you are...

    You either obey God-or you don't-no grey area.

    Young people (like myself as a young person) get love, emotions and sex all bound up together somehow and it becomes a train wreck. No offense Lilly

    You have to make a decision-as an adult NOW-do you want to follow God's way or not? And then you need to commit-FOREVER.

    God's love through Christ will bring you through this, but it is up to you to form that relationship with Christ.
  8. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to "do what's right." I would love to see this devotional that tells a man to walk away from a situation he had a hand in creating because of some perceived technicalities. The "right" thing to do, IMHO, would be for your boyfriend to marry you - you both now being Christians - and learn to be a Godly husband to you, with whom he has already had relations far beyond casual dating or even courting, and be a Godly father to his son. It is a monumentally difficult task to be a father to a child without being a husband to the mother of the child. Of course, guessing that you and he are about the same age, in this culture it is a monumentally difficult task for someone his age to be a father, period.

    But, this is where the Church should be stepping in, encouraging people to do the right thing and giving them support and guidance in their endeavours. Mature, Godly men should be surrounding your boyfriend and helping him to be a Godly man and father. Likewise, Godly women should be surrounding you and helping you to be a Godly woman and mother. If a church has no method by which it brings its young people into adulthood and maturity, it is failing in one of its most important duties. You didn't give much detail in how you or your boyfriend got saved, so I don't know to what degree, if any, you are connected to a church. It is important to have the fellowship and support of other believers.

    Two thoughts, before I forget them: challenges and adversity are what make us grow and learn, temper us, and prove our character. Who knows what blessings we deprive ourselves (and others) of because we find excuses to avoid those challenges?

    Of course, if God is in fact telling your boyfriend to leave, I would never advise anyone to disobey God. If only I were confident that it was God speaking to him, and not his own fears.
    KingJ and Lillysanders say Amen and like this.
  9. I want to address briefly your situation, Lifeasweknowit. Your best friend is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. It is good that you have not entered into a romantic relationship with him. Seems to me his primary concern is for himself, and I doubt that that dynamic would change if he were with you instead of having a relationship with this other woman.

    You didn't say if the woman he impregnated was a Christian - and maybe it doesn't even matter - but especially if she is, I would advise him to stop being double-minded, make a commitment, marry this girl and focus all of his energy and attention on being a Godly husband to her and a Godly father to their child. So he's not 100% about her - that's on him, not her. I'm pretty sure he would find her plenty challenging, if he would stop being distracted and pay attention. Relationships - good ones, lasting ones, aren't all fairy dust and rainbows (not being sarcastic, or trying to be snarky here). Much of what they are is the result of focus and investment.
  10. @Rumely. Good points. She was Christian growing up, but not practicing now. I get the impression, from what my friend has told me, that she didn't come from a church every Sunday type of family. Moving forward, my friend and I have never had a relationship with the opposite sex the way we have with each other. I know that God put him in my life to bring him closer to Him, and to show me what true love is. Our connection, understanding, admiration and love for each other is unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

    This is why him and I are so incredibly torn. We were friends before her. He and I both lost our jobs at the same time (Mine because I quite, his because he was a contractor and got laid off). During this time, him and I bonded even more and I even thought I feel in love with him. He eventually proposed the idea once again, that him and I try and date. I told him that I would go on one date with him, but that I would not promise a relationship and that he would have to tell his girlfriend. Long story short, we both decided to take a break in our friendship so that he could decide what he was going to do with his girl (This was back in September). He ended up picking her because he was unsure of my feelings for him and if I would be with him in the long run. He was right. I probably would not have stayed with him...I knew too much about him and at that time had no attraction towards him.

    Fast forward to my birthday in November. Him and I finally made out for the first time after a long night of drinking with friends (This was before I began truly taking my faith seriously). I am completely at fault for having been physical with him when he had a girlfriend. I reprimanded myself after that night and told him that he needed to tell her If he had any plans of continuing a relationship.

    Two days after my birthday/physical intimate incident, he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. He is flabbergasted and completely disheveled. One week after my birthday we go out and he tells me he is completely in love with me. At this point he has still not told her about what him and I did. He said "horrible timing" and I understood, but it's never the "right" time to tell anyone something like that.

    Initially, I thought he should leave her and be with me (this was only about a week-two that I thought this, looking back I was caught up in emotions). I told him that he was an idiot for continuing things with her since he clearly wasn't in love the way a man should. Low and behold I get a call from him a week before Christmas and he tells me they are engaged. He tells me how everyone is "so proud" of him and how it "is the right thing to do." He never once tells me how excited he is, even when I ask, or how in love with her he is. Almost immediately I give up the notion of ever being with him and almost find him disgusting.

    Since then he has wanted to take me to dinner (as we would in the past) talk to me everyday as well as see me. I have denied him over, and over, and over, with occasionally getting together with him to talk about work and/or the Lord. I have become incredibly angry to the point of screaming at him when he has tried to rationalize us hanging out more, knowing he would have to lie to her in order to do so. I told him"I am your friend, but I am a woman first and foremost. I would hate more than anything for my man to be having any sort of close relationship with another woman outside of ours. I feel terribly sorry for B****." He goes on to tell me how hard this is for him, etc. and I simply say, "You made your bed, now lie in it." Recently, I told him he needs to take this to the Lord. I even told him that he may need to pray, "Lord, please take my desire away from [me]."

    OK, now that I have summed it up, someway. My question for you is, how do you know that the Lord wants them to be together, or anyone for that matter who has been in a similar situation? Especially if He knows what is in his heart is lusting after another woman?
  11. [quote="Lifeasweknowit, post: 273065, member: 1117]

    OK, now that I have summed it up, someway. My question for you is, how do you know that the Lord wants them to be together, or anyone for that matter who has been in a similar situation? Especially if He knows what is in his heart is lusting after another woman?[/quote]

    The key to this is that he stop being double-minded and make a commitment and focus on doing right and building a relationship with this woman. If he is going to continue to be foolish, undisciplined, and selfish (and I'm not trying to be insulting - I have been all of those things at times), then he shouldn't marry anybody. In fact, he shouldn't date at all, because he isn't ready for that kind of relationship and will do little more than leave chaos and pain in his wake. IMHO, if he gets serious about "doing right" and invests in being a good/Godly husband to this woman - cherishing her in a Biblical manner - and a good/Godly father to their child, I believe that much blessing will come of that. The same principle applies (again, IMHO) to Lillysanders' situation.
  12. Thanks Rumely. I told him he takes two paths; devoting himself to her entirely, or moving on. I just hope if he moves forward with her and decides to make that commitment that his heart truly changes.
  13. Sorry to hear! The devil is speaking to your bf not God. Your bf is NOT seeing God's reasoning behind marriage. Christians have a better covenant with God. We have moved on to being able to know the heart of God behind the law. Challenge your bf to think of God's reasoning behind marriage. God does not want a woman and baby to be left alone without the support of the father...DUH....hence marriage....It is hard to believe he is a Christian when Christianity is flying over his head.

    God hates it when a family union is broken up!!!!!!!!!!!! Wether you are married or not, he is the father and you the mother.

    WWJD? Certainly not run!!!!

    Go to any respected church and the elder will smack him straight.

    Even if he was saved and you were not, God would expect him to try and get you saved first before moving on!
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.

  14. AMEN!!! hahaha!!!

    OK, so the more I think about it, I probably shouldn't have thrown my "stuff" in the mix. My situation is very different than yours. Anyhow, this fear that your boyfriend is having is what he is hearing and most likely coming from Satan himself. I too cannot see a reason why God would be telling him he's not right for you or vice versa. Unless God sees him to a be a future abuser/unfaithful husband. Again, we don't know and can only speculate, but it seems contradictory of the Word and what God would want from what we know of Him.

    Oh, and what's the update? Did your boyfriend tell you exactly what he was hearing and did you pray to God about all of this or seek spiritual counseling? If so, what came about it?
  15. Sometimes when people come to God, they can be a little over Zealous.
    Sometimes people over spiritualize things when they are confused.
    I think your friend is confused. Unconsciously, he is reading into things too much to provide him comfort.
    When God speaks something. YOU BOTH will feel peace about the decision.
    My advice? Take this time to grow closer to God. Give your friend space.
    This may hurt, but God wants to be the one to take care of your heart for once.

    I pray that your confidence would not be rooted in the reactions of man. Thank you Jesus, that you will realize that your amazing despite the confusion of one man.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.

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