Does Anyone Know How I Can Not Let This Bother Me?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by God is Love, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. I live with my mom and younger brother and my younger brother is a huge jerk who only cares about himself and says nasty insults to me all the time and is annoying and bullies my mom and is just a horrid person to live with, but unfortunately I don't know any way to keep my cool while i'm around him anymore and at times hate him. I don't want to hate him but I don't know how to think in order to not let him bother me. I have told him multiple times how he comes off to me but he just insults me then, saying things like "you deserve it" or "you will never have friends if you can't take a joke" (his "jokes" are insults btw, like when he walks into my room when me and my mom are talking and interrupts our conversation and then calls us losers). He has no respect for me or my mom and if I could move out I would. I have never been bitter towards him or tried to hurt him, but in the moment when he makes me snap I do hate him and have to leave or risk hurting him. Please help, I can't be alone in having to deal with someone like this. And what's worse is I have to live with him, and he brings over friends who are just as bad as him and I seriously can't take this bs anymore.
  2. The bible says cast all your anxiety on God because He cares for you. Just ask God to take it from you. Your stress and anger. You may have to pray this every five minutes.
    When people try to get under yourskin they think its funny and they enjoy aggrevating you. The bible says if you give your enemy food or drink its like pouring hot coals on top of thier head. In other words, kill them with kindness. also its probably just a phase which should pass in a few years. Its just immaturity showing.
  3. Well, I actually do pray very often about this type of thing. You are right he is very immature but I see something a lot more sinister than immaturity at play, and not to mention he is 18 so it's not like he is a little kid anymore.
  4. To me 18 is a little kid, but I understand what you mean, he is old enough to know better. Perhaps its a spiritual battle. Is your bro. Saved? If thats a dumb question oh well, my point is pray for Him. For God to move in his life.
    LysanderShapiro likes this.
  5. I have spread the Gospel to him but he is not saved. He wants to use God for his benefits and is a really hard person to talk to because he only cares about worldly things. Honestly I don't think me being a witness to him is helping him, he needs to be near outside Christians. I brought him last week to a Christian college group I have been going to for the past month and a half, hopefully he continues to go. I might be going overseas to be a missionary soon, honestly I think I will be witnessing to him better by being gone. He doesn't understand why I don't pursue worldly things like money and security, but so far that has all been talk, now I have to act.
  6. Some plant seeds, others water, but the word never returns void. It will accomplish what it was sent out to do. Continue praying for him.
    DavidG and God is Love say Amen and like this.
  7. "Some plant seeds, others water, but the word never returns void. It will accomplish what it was sent out to do" this hit home for me.
    DavidG likes this.
  8. Amen. God is good. Faithful And True.
    God is Love and DavidG say Amen and like this.
  9. If he wouldn't quit bothering me I'd pray about. If that didn't work I'd get Old Testament on him.
  10. That's great to know but I believe in loving others even through adversity.
  11. When you say he bullies your mom, does he physically hurt her too?

    If he's 18 he's old enough to move out. If his friends are as bad as he is and he brings them home, he's basically letting you and your mom know you're outnumbered by bullies during those times.
    I wouldn't move out if I were you. That would leave your mom alone with him. And his friends.

    I've found that people who take pleasure in insulting others are buoyed by the hurt or angry responses they receive in return. If their target lets them know they're hurt, that shows the bully where the weak spots are. They'll go for those to elicit the same response. If their target lets them know they're mad, that inspires the bully to act on pushing those buttons in the hopes of derailing the peace of mind of their target.

    Bullies are essentially cowards. They feed off hurting others because they're not capable of living at peace with themselves first. That he's this way with his family can be something beyond your ability to fix it.

    I'd pray for him. And when he baited me in future I'd smile brilliantly and say nothing while looking him in the eyes. Maybe I'd say, God bless you, now and then. But that's how I'd handle it. Meanwhile if I needed to go off verbally on him, I'd say all that silently to myself while smiling brilliantly at him.

    And if it necessitated saying something while he rages on, I'd speak very softly so he'd have to pipe down to hear me.

    Don't feed his need to feel a reason to rage.

    I think you'll be amazed at how well that works. :)

    Then again, I've met bullies who act out because they're begging someone to beat the snot out of them. After that happens, they calm right down.

    But if he's getting physically abusive with you or your mom, call the police and press charges. Sometimes, people don't realize they have an issue until someone from the outside of the equation brings it to their attention.

    May God be with you all. You're in my prayers.
  12. He's emotionally and verbally abusive, but not physically abusive, and I think that's because he knows he wouldn't get away with it. It's not like he's dumb, he doesn't want to go to jail or get beat up. He's only a jerk when he's in a mood, but that is a lot. I get the brunt of the insults from him because I call him out on what he says. I think my mom is to scared to help me or call him out because she just lets him get away with his behavior. It has made me have a little bit of contempt towards her tbh, because it reminds me of when I was getting abused by my dad and she did nothing, and I feel like she isn't doing her job as a parent and the way he is could have been prevented. I know I need to leave because it is a terrible environment for me and he has no respect for me so why stay.
  13. Do you think, because you say he only acts like this when he's in a mood, that he could be under the influence of something? Drugs, alcohol?

    Maybe this current abuse that you and your mom are suffering together now is a means to an opportunity. Maybe now that you mother sees how your brother is acting, and in the same way as did your father, you could have a heart to heart with her in private. Tell her how you felt back then when your dad was causing you to suffer the abuse your mom is now only partially enduring due to your brother.
  14. Have you ever asked yourself WHY he does this?

    Do you have an answer to that question?
  15. #15 LysanderShapiro, Jul 16, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2014
    I'm reminded of two quotes. One from Christ and one from St. Francis of Assisi;

    "Love your enemies: do good to them that hate you: and pray for them that persecute and calumniate you..." -Jesus of Nazareth

    "Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary." -St. Francis of Assisi

    You may or may not know exactly what is torturing your brother, but something is bugging him to put it mildly. Even if he claims he does it just for shock value, there could be an insecurity that is just consuming him. You may be in a position where you don't care so much if he insults you, but insulting your mother is crossing the line. Understandable. But the toughest part is forgiving him, loving him unconditionally, and most important of all, actually putting it into action.

    When the "jokes" happen, try one of two things; share an actual joke (something you know you both will find funny), or no jokes at all and just talk to him the way you would with anyone.

    Bro: "Hey loser, you're taking up too much space."
    You: "Ha, well maybe I can squeeze you in."
    Bro: "Why don't you just leave?"
    You: "...How's everything going with you these days? How's school/work/etc.?"
    Bro: "...I said just leave." OR "...Who cares." OR "Shut up." etc. etc.
    You: "Just asking. Anyway, I'll see you later, buddy." OR "Just asking. Anyway, I'm going to grab something from 7-11 in a bit. You're welcome to join me." Etc. etc.

    I think the point is subtly. Don't be overbearing, but just show him that what he says to you and your mom really isn't that big of a deal. Shrug it off as best you can and just talk to him like he's your brother, because that's exactly what he is. You don't need to hug him at every moment, but be a friend, no matter how reluctant he may be.

    The more we think about it and do it, the easier it can get...and in fact, it's gratifying knowing that you're doing exactly what Christ wants in the midst of a scenario where most people wouldn't.

    I remember in middle school this guy I've known for years named Josh. He was bigger than most kids his age and used to be something of a bully and pick many of us. One year, he just changed. The funny thing about him is his demeanor stayed the same -- spoke aggressively, almost threatening, but his words and actions were totally different. What was once "Hey kid, no wonder you're eating alone!" Became, "Hey kid, why are you eating alone!? You're eating with me today!"

    Josh became part of our group of friends in high school -- we used to laugh about how he was and joke with him, and he was a good sport and laughed about it too. But I remember him saying how his change was mostly because a few of us (not me) just niced him too much. He admired them so much for it that he wanted to be exactly like that. It was really incredible because I'm still in touch with him and he is now a sort of gentle giant devoted to God.

    I don't know what life decision your brother will make, but incredible things can happen through God, and we're always an instrument when showing His love to others.
  16. #16 God is Love, Jul 16, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2014
    Yes I do know why, because it is a coping mechanism of his that he learned from being around my dad. Are you trying to accuse me of something?
  17. Already did that, she just gets defensive. I just need to move out.
  18. I appreciate all the responses, but everything someone has mentioned on this thread has been done already. I know it might be hard to understand, but sometimes I don't think their is ever a right way with some people, that is what i've learned. I see why I am getting these type of answers, so i'll re-phrase my question. How do you love your enemies? What I mean by this is what goes through your head that actually calms you down when you are frustrated/angry with someone.
  19. And then you leave her there to deal with your brother and his friends when they come over. Then it is three or more against one.
    Or just one on one when it is your mom and your angry offensive brother.

    Why not have him move out? She can certainly evict him is she wishes it.Maybe that's what he needs in order to grow up.
  20. Been there had that conversation. Thank you for replying but I don't even want to talk about him anymore. I feel like this whole thread would just turn into me trying to explain my situation and would be 10 pages long before we could address the problem, which is simply, 'how do you love your enemies'? More specifically, what goes on in your head that calms you down when you are angry/frustrated at a person.

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