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Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Leap of faith, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. Distractions.

    In the Bible I noticed that marriage isn't really something encouraged, rather the single, pure life is. When you are in a relationship it tends to cause a lot of stress and distractions. When you are single, you have more time for God and much less distractions. I am not married, so I am curious to the married Christian's.. are you heavily distracted from God due to a marriage? Do you wish you waited to get married?
  2. I was 39 when I got married. It only lasted a few years, but the main thing I learned is both need to put God first in everything. At times it’s easy to get selfish, and at times it’s easy to focus on the other when you are trying to please them. It’s hard. It’s a lot of work. Just before my ex and I got married, we went up north to visit my Grandfather in the nursing home. One of the first things he said was, “it’s a lot of work”
    He was a very wise man.

    The good part?
    My ex and I are very good friends now. We are both trying hard to put God first in everything.
    When we first met, we weren’t focusing on God. We were focusing on each other way, way too much.
    I think a lot of people get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
    People should get married because “God” wants them to spend the rest of their lives together. They should do it for “Him” and not for each other.
  3. I know I should be saying sorry for your divorce, but honestly you are making the most selfless and wise decision. God Bless you. I also got involved with someone, but at the time I was agnostic. That man helped me find God.. and myself for that matter. Now we both are putting God first and focusing on Him.
  4. I can see how many times being married could add stress and distractions, especially if one person becomes a christan and the other spouse is not.

    I was married when I was 23, I am 26 now and feb. will be 4 years. We have had a lot of bad times, but many happy ones 2. I was saved in december, praise the LORD!. my husband is not in church now, but he is overcoming many things that was causing us to drift apart. But, I give my LORD crdit for this!!! God is amazing, everything in my life has done a 180, and the LORD has given me a great happiness, better life and a better marriage. Praise HIM!

    so yes, it can be a distraction, but the LORD can and will move by faith!I think above all I am most distracted by him not being in church, cause I love him and want him to find the true reason in living!

    Praise you FATHER! Praise you JESUS! All things are possible through YOU!!
  5. Well, actually if you are referring to the comments Paul made, he was actually giving his own opinion. My personal belief is that Paul's make up was quite strong meaning that he had a lot of natural determination and self control. So, when he became saved he grasped very deeply how wonderful and fulfilling a relationship with Jesus can be. So, for his part he recommended that people stay single and devote themselves completely to Jesus.

    However, marriage is something that God thought up in the beginning. He was the One that said it was not good for man to be alone and this was before the fall when life was perfect and there was no sin. So if God Himself declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone even though he was living a perfect life at the time, than marriage must be a good thing.

    There are other scriptures in the Bible that talk about being a good idea to have a spouse. Eccl. 4:9-12 says

    9Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor;
    10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
    11Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone?
    12And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

    This is one of my favorite examples as it has personal meaning for me (I'll PM you if you want to know) but there are others.

    Here's what I think ( and please those of you inclined to do so, keep your stones to yourselves:D): It is the easy way to stay single! Yes you can devote yourself completely to Jesus, however if we are honest there are not a lot of Christians out there like Paul! Many times the decision to stay single for "the sake of Jesus" is actually fear of intimacy! It is very easy and comfortable to do whatever you want with your money, your time to have no one to answer to about anything! Oh, yes, it may get lonely at times but it's just you and God and you can be the master of your own life!

    Not so when you're married! If you're doing it the right way, whether you are a man or a woman, you're no longer the "master" of anything. You have responsibilities and you have to share your life with someone else in a very intimate way (and I'm not just referring to physical intimacy!). All of the sudden you can't just make unilateral decisions any more. And when children come, well it gets even more interesting.

    Actually, when you are married, in my opinion, you have to seek God even more because, in order to be the spouse that He wants you to be, you NEED His help. Staying faithful to the same man or woman for however many years you are married, being loving and kind, making sacrifices for the other person, putting their needs ahead of your own, all of these things are hard to do and they require a close relationship with Jesus! The Proverbs 31 woman, the man that is talked about in Peter and Ephesians, they are ideals and we need Jesus' loving change to become those people!

    So, I actually believe it is better for your walk with God to be married.


    P.S. Wow, this was long... Sorry:)
  6. New2Christ - I am so happy to hear things are good for you! :) And thank you for the reply.

    Adoptivemommy - Oh, I see where you are coming from with it being what Paul said rather then the Lord. Sorry for the mix up, but Paul did bring up a good point. I am also only 18 (with my birthday just around the corner) and being single sounds like a good plan for three reasons, I am still very young. Two, I have much more to focus on then another person right now. And three, I was just recently born again, and need to grow in Christ before I wonder off into a serious relationship with a person.

    But I hear what you are saying completely and agree to a point. I also think there is a right time for everything. I do pray that one day I will get married, but I know as of now, a relationship isn't a good idea for this woman :)

    Marriage used to be number one on my list, and I so wanted to have a family of my own. Lately, I've felt a stop on my want of a husband for a while.
  7. I was talking about marriage in general as a lot of people take what Paul said about marriage to mean that you have to stay single in order to serve the Lord properly. You are right that there is a time for everything and no one should enter into a marriage relationship without first making sure that God wants them to do so.

  8. Leap of Faith....
    Thank you for your question. I wish more young people would seek wise counsel before doing things they are unsure of.
    I too am born again.. 2 1/2 years. My husband and I were not christians when we were married. In fact we made it a point to not have God involved in our wedding at all... but... We now know that God is a part of ALL things! My husband and I got married when we were 21.. we are now 25.
    Have you ever heard this... (sorry if you have). Two men were sitting around a camp fire. One man told another.. I dont need to go to church, I believe in my own way, what do I need to go for? The other man relpied with an action... He took a single coal out of the fire and placed it on the edge... the single coal slowly burned out and had no flame left.. but the camp fire continued to blaze. When we are alone is when we tend to lose our way... (bare with me here...)
    I believe this with marriage. Where two are gathered He is there. I find that since becoming Christians... I am totally thankful to God for pairing me up with my husband. He is strong where I am weak (Spiritually, physically, emotionally....etc) and vise versa. Living the christian life is so much sweeter when you have a husband who believes as you do. He challenges me where I need it and loves me when I need it.
    God has given me a love for my husband that I could never have given him on my own. Being married is great.. Im not saying I have the perfect marriage by any means BUT... I wouldnt trade it for the world.

    Paul was right... if you have the opportunity to focus mainly on Christ by being single DO IT... (if you are single to begin with dont leave your spouse just to because you think you can follow Christ better by being single). This doesnt mean that a christian couple cant focus on Christ any less.... I think it is more rewarding ..
    It also doesnt mean that either one is any less distracted than the other... the devil has his ways.. EVERY person has weak points and he uses them to his advantage. Always guard your heart.

    I know I babbled on there for a while... sorry about that! What I am saying is that I wouldnt change my married christian life .. and some would want to have that single christian life.. both are good .. as long as we always put GOD first in ALL things.

    I appreciate that you are wanting to hold off ... Be wise.. and do this... Only start to date when you feel it is time to find your ONE. I regret this part of my life before marriage.. I gave a lot of myself to a couple different guys when I should have saved all of myself for my husband. ..... LIve and Learn....

    God bless you!
    Wendy :)
  9. we as Christians by nature wish to please God. As spouses we wish to please our spouse. Conflict of interest?
    I believe that there is truly a way to do both. I just havent figured it out yet.
    Not to steriotype at all but my wife is very needy and takes alot of my time. I dont mind this because I love her dearly. However I can see often where i neglect things that I should not due to being married and having 3 children.
  10. Thank you Wendy and Daniel.


    Lovely message thank you for taking the time and heart that you put into it. I am really trying to make the best choice, for my relationship with God and myself. I don't want to get into pointless relationships with men and put my time into them when I could be more focused on the Lord.

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