Difficult Questions - Requesting Inputs Please

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by godsdeborah, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. Difficult Questions - Requesting Inputs Please

    Greetings All

    I have what I am going to present here as a hypothetical situation, that I really however wish to obtain some inputs and insights into from folks here.

    Generally, I think it is an excepted fact in the world that it is fully expected that there is more weight upon Christians to conduct themselves with honor and integrity.

    But I am curious... when in a situation of "dating" or "starting a relationship", do you actually anticipate and expect "integrity", "honesty" and "sincerity" to be exhibited?

    If so is it in any way more important for a MAN to demonstrate these standards? Or no?

    And most importantly, what can you suggest for the situation where the woman has encountered a man who does NOT exhibit any of these, but instead he has been discovered to have lied, and been insincere, and even callous and hurtful to her?

    And finally, in a case where you are a participant in an attempted dating relationship that does not work out, would the best approach to letting the other indivdual know you do not reciprocate feeling be: just to ignore them, avoid them, refuse to answer their calls or emails anymore, or to try to at least verbally explain the situation as it really is for you? i.e. you are not attracted to the person, or what ever case may be?

    I thank you in advance for your feedback on this topic. God bless all your relationships!
  2. Hmm the beginning says greetings "all" but the question seems more geared toward the ladies . so i'll ask my female personality what she thinks ;) j/k

    I think "integrity", "honesty" and "sincerity" if it is to exist at all .. begins when two people first meet . as soon as one form of dishonesty is exhibited . then the games begin .

    I think all game playing gets summed up in this passage .. though it comes off a bit strong for the topic at hand .

    Isaiah 33:1
    Woe to you, O destroyer, you who have not been destroyed! Woe to you, O traitor, you who have not been betrayed! When you stop destroying, you will be destroyed; when you stop betraying, you will be betrayed.

    You can be honest .. but if you were a game player before .. it might take a while before your new habits begin to illicit new company of the same . where it seems a worthwhile exercise to you personally .

    but if it's over . just say so . if you ignore them it just leaves the emotions all scattered and confused as to what's going on . kinda like when people say "if you don't know then i'm not telling you" .. then a similar adage applies the sentiment "if you're not telling me i won't pretend to know" . because nothing is certain .. why assume?

    I guess, if the person doesn't listen when you tell them point blank .. then the covert forms of communication may be what is necessary .

    Taking it from my relationship with God . if something's really wrong .. He tells me .. and if it doesn't make sense .. he finds a way to make sure i get the message . clear communication is important . even if it seems messy at point blank . it's far better in distance .
  3. Im gonna treat this as unisex and say.
    If the person I was dating was found to be a liar, insincere and hurtful.
    I would throw them away without the blink of an eye (And have in the past), because thats everything you should avoid...
  4. I agree. And we should conduct ourselves as such

    Yes. But in every dating relationship, there is a certain amount of "posturing" or "gamesmanship". Each person is attempting to present themselves in the best manner, and to make the best impressions. So a certain amount of embellishment takes place.

    MORE important? How about "equally" important.

    The it is obvious that this is not the right person for you. If you really feel this is the case, it's time to move on.

    I agree with Michael. There is no point in continuing the relationship. Tell him up front and be done with it. It doesn't have to be hurtful, and it doesn't even have to go into the "whys". But tell him so that he knows. Otherwise, he may be clueless - as most men are :) But also, be careful. Make certain he's not the "possessive" type that can become ugly.

    And I'll add this - personal integrity is critically important. It is one of the few things in life to which a person has full and total control.

    As we go through life, others will dictate when we will be somewhere, what we will do, how we will do it, what we say, etc, etc, etc. But personal intergrity is something that no one else can control. Others may attack someones integrity, but they cannot add to it nor take it away. Only how a person conducts himself determines a persons personal integrity

  5. Interesting questions for sure .

    Matthew 6:33
    But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
  6. My sentiments exactly ... I would not waste my time ... Goodbye ... good ridance .... He he ... I have gotten tough over the years ... But there is my soft side as well .

    I was a dooormat for far too long . Don't want to do that ... Been there done that.

    Praise God He is my source.

  7. Clarifying here ... this situation is one where the circumstance just occured to the woman, done by the Christian man.... and yes the woman is definetly MOVED ON but never the less forgives this horrible treatment she received! Thank you, for your insightful replies. I look forward to more opinons on this topic. God bless all.
  8. Good job my dear . God Bless.
  9. Peace in HE who is ours! Actually, I very much would like to hear the prespectives of any men who would care to share their own take on these queries I posed. Perhaps I would like to hear from them even more somewhat... because basically I think I and most women who profess Christ will have the same take on the issues, as we have seen within the posts given thus far... but that's just it, maybe men think differently somehow, that is what I am wondering? Perhaps that is how it can happen that a man who is a disciple of the same Lord and master who lives within the women by His very Spirit, could in any way purposefully then choose to hurt, or disrespect, or dishonor her and her spirit. Now please too, before anyone brings up the continually glaring FACT that we are all keenly aware of, (the elephant in the room so to speak) that we are ALL FALLEN SINNERS to spite the fact that we now have by Grace obtained the indwelling of the Holy Spirit as His gift of sealing us and equipping us for His purposes. BUT even if we know that we are sinners, certainly, the way I read the scriptures, we are called to constantly move towards holiness and repent and turn back from sin, so this is why I'd still like to try to understand how such obviously contrary and contradictory situations can and sadly do occur for Christians who try to "date eachother" in this fallen world? :smiley170:
  10. I heard of a book "i kissed dating goodbye" in university . a lot of Christian girls liked it .
  11. I guess you could call it "tough love" because its the ONLY way a person like that can learn...
    If you support them by staying with them its pretty much giving them the green light to keep going...
    Unhealthy not only for you but for them.
    I was once a person like this, but learned from the first failed relationship, then I guess you could call it "karma" coz I got my own back in another relationship later on, where I met a female version of who I used to be...
    Thats why I treated it as unisex, because I was like that and the only way I learned was by being thrown away and Praise God she did.
    But Iv also been a "victim" to it, recently lol.
    Now I am just happy to be single, one day maybe.... I will try again...
  12. I am appalled at the lack of integrity I find in professed Christians. My last relationship began with a mutual understanding that we would be sexually abstinent while dating. I thought this was THE ONE! She seemed to embrace the same desire to please God that I do, she had her own Gospel Singing ministry, we both loved playing music. I was so excited. She agreed with me that God was blessing our commitment to abstinence and it was so nice that there was no sexual pressure between us. I loved it! Then one day out of nowhere she came into the room topless! I'm like, WUT????? So, that was week 3 and I ended it right there. I don't get people. I recently met an "ordained minister" who confided in me and wanted me to pray for him as he was being considered for a pastor at a church. He also told me he was into pornography unbeknownst to his wife and he was disappointed that he had no sexual feelings for his wife. WELL DUH! I'm just shocked at the lack of integrity in our Christian community and our church leaders. And they walk around wondering why God doesn't answer their prayers! Walking in integrity is a lonely road. I know this wasn't particularly helpful. But, hopefully it will give you some comfort to know that others long for the same integrity in others that you do and find it sadly lacking.
  13. I think that we as Christians have the responsibility to hold ourselves to the highest standards of integrity, honesty, and sincerity, no matter whether we are male or female. I do not necessarily think the man should be held to a higher stand ard than the woman is. If a woman has encountered a man who does not live up to the standards Christ expects from us ( knowing we are human and fallible, but striving to be like Him) then it is better to tell that man directly that she is no longer interested in a relationship with him, and tell him why. It is always better to be honest, especially if she is expecting honesty from him. She doesn't have to be confrontational or hurtful, just open and honest about her expectations. This will also help him to see what he has done that caused a rift in their relationship, and may plant a seed in him that Christ is someone special and worth knowing more about.

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