Differing Views On Gender Roles In Marriage

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by FatherOfIsrael, May 29, 2014.

  1. I believe that husbands are protectors and providers and that wives are nurturers and caregivers. I believe that husbands should lead the family and that wives should support their husbands. I want a woman who also believes this.

    My girlfriend's parents divorced when she was barely a teenager, and I suspect this distorted her perception of men and marriage because: her father is rough and opinionated, her brother is disrespectful and inconsiderate, her ex-fiancé was a sexist chauvinist, and the only authority figures she saw growing up were (highly) strong-willed women. These are a few examples of men who have traumatized her and women who have brainwashed her, and I feel that I must walk on eggshells to not be put in this list.

    I recently asked her what she believes about gender roles in marriage. Read carefully: she told me that "husbands should support their wives and lead their daughters," and that "wives need the support of their husbands to change the world." She said that "women do not need men to succeed."

    We are both past our mid-twenties.

    Although she does not oppose it, I have sensed that it is brutally hard for her to acknowledge her submission (and trust) to her future husband; she places lots of reasonable conditions, but thoroughly makes sure that I understand them, time and time again, as if I do not already know. She says things like: "I will submit to you only if you love me like Christ loves the church," "I can only be led by a man who is first led by God," etc.

    I want to marry her because, other than this disagreement, I think our values are a perfect match. Will this be a problem later on? I do not want history repeating itself by us getting divorced.
  2. I don't get it.

    I mean you know those, so why not just reassure her that you will do it?

    I mean submission to another human being who does not abide in the scripture is a pretty scary thing.
  3. All the things she's saying seem perfectly reasonable to me. It sounds like she's self aware, and a good communicator who understands the importance of setting clear boundaries. These are all rare qualities that make a relationship a lot easier.

    When my wife and I were dating, we had certain ideas, and questions, about gender roles and leadership. Virtually none of those ideas are the same now that we've been married for about five years. If you love each other, you figure it out as you go along: you do what you have to do and be what you have to be to make it work.
  4. Based on these 2 separate points, I think you both would be fine.. She seems to have a very correct expectation of a husband.. You both seems to match in all other aspects.. I am sure after marriage she will find no husband can meet the expectations perfectly :) And everything would be fine!! LOL! :)

    On a serious note, I think she has right view on a husband.. Whatever she mentioned is what every husband should strive for.. And the lack of not meeting the standard will be covered by love for each other..
  5. Good experiential advice so far, all I can add is she left out the most important part of Paul's teaching,

    And do not be drunk with wine, in which is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God. Eph 5:18-21

    Being filled with the Spirit will cause each of you to overlook the faults of the other, 1 Cor 13:4-7

    When the other person is disagreeable to you then give thanks to God for them,

    Both husband and wife are to submit to one another in the fear of God, the fear is not to be afraid of , but to be afraid of hurting the other one.

    The other two verses are the spiritual principles to a peaceful, loving successful marriage

    vs 24, wives don't question hubbies authority (Sarah is your role model), if he makes a mistake the Lord will deal with him.

    vs 25, husbands, ya gotta die, die to everything important to you as a bachelor, if you can't then don't get married.

    The posts of Roads and Ravi are excellent examples of how two completely different and opposite people can live together in God's harmony of matrimony.


  6. I like this woman!
  7. Pretty much what Ravindran said. On point as usual.

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