Devil's Attacking My Marriage

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by Serve2GRow, Jan 27, 2014.


What would you do

  1. Stay and continue to work it out putting her needs first and trusting God

  2. Move out and allow her proper time to heal and then retry again later

  1. Hi everyone,

    Thanks for reading.

    I'm married to my 7th grade sweetheart and now 15 years later our marriage is on it's last lifeline. I recently was saved and dedicated my life to Christ, but she's still on her journey to get there.

    Here's the problem: About a year ago she told me she's not in love with me anymore. Our intimacy has dropped to 0 with 6-8 months spans between sex. She feels hurt because I cheated on her out of a lack of my own character and integrity. It wasn't sexual, but as she says it, the emotional connection to another woman hurt more. I've done everything I can to make this up to her with no success.
    She is very civil with me and at times you couldn't even tell anything was wrong, but our relationship has been worn down to a mutual living situation or what I call roommates. She's says she's trying to find herself and learn to love herself, but in the meantime, I've gone from a confident, well rounded man to no confidence, self-esteem and an emotional wreck. I feel I deserve it at times and I know every sin has a consequence. But I'm having a hard time allowing myself to crumble and lose my quest for life during her discovery phase or healing phase.

    It's been 3 years since the incident and now I feel like she's stopped trying. I have to beg her for kisses, beg to sleep in our bed (currently on the couch for the last 4 years) and most recently moving her brother into our house against my agreement.

    My question is this: At what point do I just move on? Am I supposed to always put her first even if she's not putting me first? Does God want us to stay in situations that may be hard for the flesh, but needed for the spirit even if it means dying to everything we love?
  2. 'Till death do you part": pretty straight forward Brother.

    If she wants a divorce, let her initiate it and figure out how she is going to pay for it. As for your part in a divorce, make yourself as 'blameless before God' as possible.

    The better way; make her the 'crown' of your life regardless of sex and everything else being withheld; let her sin be upon her own head. Love her, woo her. If she rejects it, it is on her head. praying for you and your family....
    ThomasA and FaithfulMom say Amen and like this.
  3. I agree with Brother_Mike completely..

    I see that you are recently saved.. Spend more time in the Word of God and prayer.. Prayer will certainly change you! I have this verse in my office desk..

    My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me - Galatians 2:28

    Let her see the light within you.. If she still refuses to forgive, then you have done everything from your side and it is on her..
  4. If I was in the situation I would ask the wife to make a choice. I don't have time for anyone to drain anything from me emotionally because I have a plan of God to accomplish and you help or get out of my way. I have to answer to the Lord for myself, not the wife or anyone else.

    Anyone using past hurts as an excuse to behave wrongly needs to get saved. I accept the fact that hidden past hurts secretly effect my choices and ask the Lord to show me so I can discount the feeling and make the right choice.

    I also can't ask the Lord to bless what I did as a person unsaved. If I married out of the will of God then I would hope through prayer my wife would have her eyes opened and see but I could only expect the best knowing that it's Written we don't know if our spouse shall be saved or get in line.

    We don't have control over Human wills and God is not going to put the thumbtacks on her to get her in line. He will show her things and open her eyes. We can keep devils out with our authority so a person can make a clear choice with no confusion or hindrance and often that will allow a person to make a right choice but in the end it's up to them.

    If you believe she is hindering the plan of God in your life, then you need to ask her to make a choice. If your not ready for that then you need to treat her as Gold, don't bring up the past and be a blessing to her as God would have you despite how she acts or speaks.

    Never talk with her of past hurtful things again. Guard your trigger buttons and don't let her or the enemy push them.

  5. Thank you for these words. Divorce isn't an option although I've entertained the thought. But I've always felt as long as I have things to work on I can't leave or I would be giving up.

    I too will place this passage on my desk to remind me that what once was doesn't always have to be and through God I am a changed man.
    God Bless you. I appreciate it.
    ThomasA and Lifeasweknowit say Amen and like this.
  6. Sorry new to this forum. Much praise for the verse.
  7. I agree in some ways. I do feel I have a spiritual calling and I don't feel she's in the way. I feel the opposite. I feel my calling involves her. I always imagined serving and helping others together and even showing young couples how to make it. So in that sense I feel my gift is incomplete without her.

    That's why I struggle so bad.
  8. If that be the case, then you stand in faith for her nothing wavering.

    When my wife went off with another man, it took a year to get over the crying and girly mon stuff and junk. Once God was able to snap me out of it, I took a stand of faith. I never spoke wrongly of her, and if asked how was my marriage I would say God has given me a awesome women of God that serves and obey's him. I called those things that be not as though they are fully convinced of a turn around.

    When we finally got back in touch I said not a thing about the past and I don't bring it up but forgive. If I have what I am asking for then I don't speak against it.

    Marriage Enrichment

    That whole series talks about dealing and trusting God for your spouse when things go bad. If the Lord told you to stand, then it would be good to help you and encourage you.

    It's all free of course and they will send free of charge the actual cd set if you just call and ask, shipping paid.

    Things don't always seem easy, but with God all things are possible and knowing you trusted in the Lord and saw such a great outcome would be testimony to others in the same situation.
  9. I would suggest counseling, but it sounds like that depends on her accepting it. Keep praying and talking with God, and listening to the Holy Spirit. You and your wife are now unequally yoked - always a difficult situation. It sounds like the ball may be in her court, so to speak. In the end, a decision has to be made. You are not now living as husband and wife, and it's doing neither of you any good. If she cannot forgive you and move on, there is no hope for your marriage. Remember to take care of yourself, pray for her also and continue your walk with the Lord. I assume you have repented and asked Gods forgiveness of your sins. Take care - I will say a prayer for you.
  10. Me and my wife are praying for another couple. She knows the woman and the man is the one who needs God. We'll keep you in our prayers as well.
  11. I know this is a month later, but still relevant.

    You ARE a new man, 2 Cor 5:17-21. Look also at Galatians 2 through 4. As the others said, for you, the Believer, the man of God now, there is no option for divorce. If she wanted to leave, she would have to do that. But I wouldn't even consider that.
    Jesus is greater than any sin you have ever committed, and greater than any hurt you have inflicted. What He has done on the cross is more than enough to pay for all, and the healing and restoration of your marriage is included.

    #1, tell the Devil to take his hand OFF your marriage right now. Turn and confront him, otherwise, he's just doing what he's been doing. Then say (because you have what you say, Proverbs 18:20-21, Mark 11:22-23) that all his works in your marriage are unmade and your marriage, by the power of the name of Jesus Christ, is restored.
    Claim your wife for the Kingdom of God (not in front of her, unless the Lord said so of course), and call her radically saved, serving the Lord and loving Him with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. Declare that in the name of Jesus your marriage is Christ's and that it shall glorify Him, then by faith, give it to Him and cast the care of her getting saved and your marriage being made better than ever on Him, and say by faith to Him that He receives it and He is working on it now. Then praise Him and thank Him DAILY for these wonderful results. Magnify every little thing, for in the praising of the small, greater shall come, and declare that God favors you and that He has wonderful plans for your marriage.
    Thank the Father every day that He has given you a wife who is in love with Him and in love with you and who is one with Him and one with you and how your marriage is going to be a testimony for Him. Glory to God!
    Put it into practice now, and anything else you want, see Mark 11:24.
    You may wish also to read a good book, titled, "The Prayer of Petition" by Jerry Savelle, and put together a Scriptural petition, for as Jesus said, in that day, you shall pass your petitions over My signature. That means something.
    Love you brother, I pray for your success! Glory to God!
    Hallelujah! You will be victorious! Walk forth in supreme confidence - HE IS ON THE JOB! YOU CANNOT LOSE!

    PS - Never go by feelings either, go by what the Truth of the written Word of God says. Psalm 89:34 - He is faithful to perform His Word. AND NEVER UNDO YOUR PRAYERS/WORDS BY SPEAKING WORDS CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU'VE PRAYED/SAID IN FAITH - that's the same as a farmer who sows seed in his field and the next week starts digging them up because he doesn't see corn growing yet! That would be crazy in the natural and it's crazy in the spiritual - stay on your confession.
  12. I like your signature - Charles Capps is GOOD. Kenneth Hagin, EW Kenyon, Smith Wigglesworth...Kenneth Copeland, Keith Moore, Jerry Savelle, Jesse Duplantis, Creflo Dollar, Bill Winston....
  13. Has there been any type of forgiveness on her end? Her civility (as you mentioned) sounds like emotions pent up over a long period of time. I say that because your relationship has been deteriorating instead of taking a dip and then improving, which is usually the case with any type of indiscretion. It sounds like she has not truly forgiven you yet.
  14. And also Joseph Prince.
  15. A marriage from God's perspective is based on what can I give, rather that what do I get. As you grow in God and begin to allow God's love to work through you, she may see a difference (you as a new creation) and be able to forgive you. Consistently, ask God what to do and listen to his voice. He may tell you to do things that you never even thought of. Instead of trying to get your wife to change and love you, submit to God so you will be changed. He can give you a supernatural love that causes you not to be concerned about your own needs, but hers and that causes you to really understand her. He can grant you a supernatural peace. You first need to get your own heart right. If you are considering leaving then you are not filled with a Godly love for her, but a personal love of self (which isn't really loving yourself, because true love of self is submitting to God and walking in his Spirit). Although you committed the sin Jesus suffered to pay for what you did (suffering a lot more for it, then you would by staying with her). He loved you enough to pay the eternal consequences of your sin. Shouldn't you be willing to try to make up for the temporal consequences? By placing your wife first, God will give you a new perspective about her and allow you to have a love for her that surpasses understanding.
    SergioL likes this.
  16. I pick stay and continue to work it out putting her needs first and trusting God
  17. Are you kidding me? Since when the wife that GOD gave you should "get out of your way?" Oh, you're on a mission, mr. Christian. Excuse me. This is not Biblical advice. If you read the Bible right, it does say that the man is responsible for the wife and you DO answer to Him for her, your children and household. The covenant you make is until DEATH do us part, not until inconvenience, the lack of sex, the discouragement and so on. Everything you say is contrary to the Bible.

    Please, Serve2Grow, stick to your covenant. Stay with your wife. Discuss with her, pray for her and with her if you can. Never, ever, EVER give up on your marriage. After salvation, that's your most precious thing right now. Whatever calling you might have, whatever God calls you to do.... if you're married, that comes first. Please read Titus 1:5-9 and 1 Timothy 3:4-5.

    All the best and let us know how things are.
  18. I agree that you have to keep loving her with all you have. I can't guarantee she will return it (though I pray she does), but I can guarantee it will please your Father and be a witness for your wife.
  19. @MichaelH, would you mind sharing Scripture that supports this?
  20. I already have in another post, and more than one scripture. However, if you read again what you quoted me on, what do you believe I am saying here?

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