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Desperate for some help!! Heartbroken and confused...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by loveandhope, Feb 12, 2016.

  1. Hello everyone!
    My ex boyfriend and I were together for 5 years, we've been through a lot together. We got together pretty young, and we were still very immature. But we love each other, there's no doubt in that. It was a tough relationship though, my boyfriend was constantly talking to other girls and he's cheated on me. I forgave him every time and chose to love him and be faithful to him. Recently though, around the last year we were together he began to act more like my father than my boyfriend, I spoke to him about this because it was making me not want to be around him. Every time I tried to talk to him about something he'd get really defensive about it and wouldn't really hear me out. The longer that went on the more closed off I became with him. Then my grandma passed away from cancer, that was very hard on me. Slowly I was turning into a different person, and it was as though I began to rebel against my boyfriend, who at the time felt more like my dad. I began to drink more and refused to listen when my boyfriend wouldn't want me to. I also began to look for the attention in other men. It was horrible of me to do those things, I know that now, and I've given account of my mistakes to God. I felt like I didn't get the love and attention I wanted from my boyfriend because he was looking for other girls or acting like my father. I made a horrible mistake and I cheated on my boyfriend. Something I would've never imagined myself doing. He found out and was of course angry and hurt.. It broke both of our hearts. It hurt me to know I hurt him :( .. He wanted nothing to do with me at first, he went back to clubbing and drinking, but after a little while he wanted to try to work things out with me. For about 3 months we tried, and we were getting better. Of course it was a roller coaster of emotions, but we were really getting better. He told me that he loves me and had high hopes for us making it through this until he randomly couldn't do it anymore. I was truly remorseful for what I had done and asked for his forgiveness hundreds of times.. Its been two weeks since we've officially ended things. He started contacting me again a couple of days ago though.. I want to be with him so badly, I love him, and I want us to use this time to work on ourselves and get closer to God.. But I'm afraid I've lost him.. :( He told me today and two days ago that time is our hope and that he's scared that we'll never be together again.. I'm just so confused about how he's really feeling... I also think he's talking to someone else already.. :'( I heard he was getting a girl something for valentines day, I asked him about it without giving it away that I already knew and he said there was no one.. I know he loves me and wants to be with me and is only using that girl as a way to ease his pain.. But can him and I ever work? We want to be together, he just doesn't know if he can ever get passed what I did enough to really be with me. I've always chosen to see the best in him and despite what he's done to me I've loved him and been by his side. I wish he could do the same :( I don't know what happened to me that I allowed myself to be deceived by the enemy into doing what I did.. Is there any moving forward from this? Lately he's been the one to contact me, I haven't contacted him because I am trying to respect him and not force him into anything. I am sorry this is so long.. Its been so hard after we've broken up. :'( My heart aches. I am trying to trust in God. It's just so hard... Is there anyone that has gone through something similar that can help me? I am so sad and confused, I don't want to get my hopes up and then be crushed again if he says he can't do it again.. :( God bless and thank you in advance!!

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