Sometimes it feels like my stomach is in my toes, my heart is breaking into tiny pieces and I'm only being held together with my children's silly putty and string. They (my children) are the only reason I'm not in bed 24/7 crying my eyes out and absolutely hopeless. I can't give up because then I'd be giving up for them too. My husband and I have been in Christian marriage counseling for three months. Areas we're working on: his pornography addiction, his disrespectful view of women and their "rolls", our inability to communicate without throwing hurtful and disrespectful judgments and words at one another, and his (yet to own up to it) selfish and self-seeking behaviors/thoughts/attitudes. The counselor tries so very hard to get through to my husband, but he walls up, shuts down and doesn't want to hear it. It hurts. I see no improvement outside of things that are easy to do, such as more housework help and helping with the kids more. Maybe he'll even take charge of paying one bill, or sending an email to our tax agent. Today is proving especially rough on me because last night at bible study the pastor said we should seek God like a marriage counselor tells us to seek our spouse. To be selfless and other-seeking instead of self-seeking. So today my husband "reminds" me that he needs more sexual fulfillment and that I am supposed to be seeking him. I'm so tired. I'm so frustrated and exhausted. I don't get five minutes to myself ever. If I "take" time for myself, like he tells the counselor he does, then I'm "taking" it from my children, from the dishes, from dinner, from laundry, from helping our oldest prepare for his play, or correcting his homework. Other's suffer. So I don't "take" time. I can't believe that upon hearing "seek your spouse", his go-to was to remind me to seek him, not to try and actively seek me. I'm so heartbroken. I don't even know what to do....I can't seem to find even a spark of hope.