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Dating non-christians

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by matuisgman, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. Dating non-christians

    Sorry if this is simulair to post "unequally yoked", but I think it is a little diffrent. Also I emaild this to my pastor answers and thought I would ask you too.

    Hi Pastor

    I figured this would be quicker and easier, maybe.

    I got a question for you, its about dating a non-christian. I am reading stuff, but when it comes to christians, dating and marriage seem to immediatlly go hand in hand, why?
    So most of that says you shouldn't go out with known christians, quoting uneaqualy yoked andunion with an unbeliver is a unholy union between God and the devil. However arn't those what realted to marraige?

    My question then is, whay if I set down rules for going our with her, and she knows tem and agrees. Mainly going to church, maybe reading a bible. I would most likly pray on my on for her.
    However I am apprehence about that only because, it feels like I am only getting them saved to marry them. So what gives. People say of wait on God, but that feel like the whole prince charming, there is only one out there for me.

    Which I have read about that, got an article on the myth of romantic love. Which waiting for the one seems like that. I would think one can move foward with caution and prudence, asking God for guidence for that. Because a relationship is built, and to get started you need to take a chance. All that would need to be done it give a limit if it where for the non-chistian to see the light if it where.

    Thanks , I am also going to post on the forum
  2. The better question would be "why not"??? or "What other reason would one have for dating"????
    The "yoking", as it is called, begins long before marriage. It begins when the couple become attracted to each other and start making plans and taking action toward exclusivity.( becomes a couple). and often ends in intimacy either in or out of marriage. Intimacy outside of marriage is (for lack of a better word), Sin.
    Non Christians, have a differant set of values concerning many things, most importantly intimacy and marriage. Therefore ones chances of a successful marriage are greater as a Christian with another Christian.

    The problem with this is that you and possibly her are trying to change her to fit your requirements. No matter how sincere she may be there is always a good chance that she may not be able to live with your standards over the long term.
    Your just simply better off with one who wants to do those things.
    The dating is to find out about each other and determine if you are naturaly compatable, not make it work. And again in that your better off dating someone who already goes to church.( a Christian)

    First, going to church isn't "being saved" Second, You don't get anyone other than yourself saved.
    But what your talking about is trying to change her, or to get her to change, and you should be very apprehinsive about that.

    But certianly there is nothing wrong with, praying for herand asking her to go to church with you to find out if she is comfortable with that part of your life.

    Who knows what is hidden in the heart of another unless we ask?
    Ask questions, ask about what she believes, what she likes and don't like.

    I've said these things before and I say it to you again.
    Marriage between Christians doesn't always ansure a successful marriage and marriage to a non Christian doesn't assure a marriage failure.
    There is risk involved in every relationship/marriage The prudent action is to minimise that risk as much as possible. And the best way to do that is to take time. Take time to get to know each other. Take time to discern if you are naturaly compatable. Be yourselfs . Both of you should be doing things that the other does to see if you are comfortable with what you know about each other. Take the time and your hearts will let you know. The relationship will either die or grow naturaly.
  3. out of curiosity, what do you know about her...her beliefs, etc. or are you talking about a hypothetical situation. if she isn't opposed to your faith, i think that your first concern should be explain your beliefs to her and reach out to her. don't worry about dating her. don't even let that be a part of the conversation. i think that it is best to only date other christians, but if you meet somebody you like that is a non-christian, instead of flirting with her and trying to date her, you should reach out to her. don't let other things get mixed up with this. whether you end up dating her or not, if you succeed, you have won someone to the lord which is just as admirable. focus yourself on God and he will provide a women for you to marry eventually. until then, just prepare your heart and your mind to lead her.
  4. I believe one of the major reasons why the bible says we shouldn't be unequally yoked is because of the major differences that exist between believers and unbelievers. Marriage is wonderful, God ordained and right however it is not easy. Bringing more difficulty into it by marrying an unbeliever just means even more work and sometimes, a union like that can end in failure.

    However, having said all of that I want to mention that I am a great believer in allowing God to do what He will do! There are no rules for good relationships. It's funny how most people say that in order to have a good marriage you have to"take your time to get to know each other" before you marry! Well, that may be in some cases but it is not the rule! Nor is it that we could NEVER marry a non-believer! Many times God uses the marriage to bring the unsaved spouse into the Kingdom!

    God is not about rules, He is all about the heart! He has a plan for every individual and, if we yield to His plan we increase our chance of success! Success is not however, guaranteed because God can and will show us what to do and lead us to do it but we are the ones that in the end must do what He tells us to do!

    My husband and I married within 7 weeks of meeting each other! I have friends who took 1 to 2 years to marry after meeting. There are people who married the day they me, etc. Each individual and couple is different and there is a specific plan for all of us. Obviously we must use wisdom and we must make sure that we pray and give God time to answer as well as do whatever He says even if we don't like His answer!

    But, there is not just one way to something and, even though there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors, we have to remember that many times we are all guilty of thinking that whatever worked for us must be "the" way and, unfortunately many Christians try to push "their" way on every one!

    The answer for you matuisgman is follow God's plan for YOU! Pray and ask God to show you what to do about this woman and about marriage in general. Be prepared to receive and accept God's answer no matter what that may be! Also, it is good to ask the advice of your Pastor, family, etc. but in the end you must do what God tells YOU to do! I will say this though: There are certain behaviors laid out in the Word that all of us MUST obey as Christians so make sure you do that! For an example, Christians should not give into physical intimacy before they get married!

    I pray that the Lord will lead and guide you towards the right decision!

  5. Thanks, my Pastor said a lot of what Theophilus said, or very close. Though thanks all, I was just wondering. Everyone else feel free to discuse if you would like.

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