Dating advice

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by James Clark, Oct 7, 2016.

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  1. I am lucky to have a great best friend. We have been friends for nearly 8 years now, and we have so many similarities that it's creepy. I've stayed at her house, we have stayed up late watching romantic comedies, and we have cooked together and our parents are great friends along with our sisters. We can talk about anything and everything for hours.

    We've talked about dating before (not each other), and I feel like maybe she has given some hints that she would like to go out in the future. We both love Hallmark movies, and we always make fun of the guy who can't take a hint that the girl likes him! I don't want to be that guy, but I don't want to make things weird either. Neither of us are ready to date now, but I think maybe we should be honest about our feelings for each other (if there are any). I have had a "crush" on her for awhile, but were just friends now and she's someone that I respect and enjoy spending time with. So should I bring up the topic and risk making things weird for a little, or should I just leave it alone and wait until we are ready to date to talk about this? Again, we aren't ready to date, so it would be around a year before anything would really happen.
     
  2. Hi James,
    I think you pretty much answered your own question here by saying that the both of you are not ready to date.

    Now from my own experience I will give you several things to think on.

    That's good thinking you have and I would listen to it. :)

    With that said Sir, I would truly make time to seek God in this and find out His plans and follow them.

    You don't want to miss His best for each other any more then you want to run ahead of Him and mess up Both of your lives.

    I learned this the wrong and hard way So You Don't Have To.
    Blessings
    FCJ
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  3. If you don't mind me asking, did you talk to her or did she start dating someone else?
     
  4. No see I did it the wrong way. I jumped right in those waters without seeking the Father. Got married and was divorced with a screwed up head within 5 years.

    Sir I truly believe if you would simply take the time to seek God in this, He will show you what is best. This includes telling her as well.

    If you feel you just have to say something to her, then just simply tell her that your feelings toward her are getting much stronger and before you say or do anything you are going to soak it in prayer.

    If you still feel that way after seeking God the Father in this then I would suggest the both of you starting things off Together in Prayer.
    Blessings
    FCJ
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  5. As I was praying yesterday, the Lord reminded me of what I used to tell my children when they were younger.....concentrate on learning what it means to be a true friend and developing that friendship, then when your dating or married and you go through some rough times, the fact that your friends will keep you together and your relationship in good terms.

    I know that you have a lot of things going on in your mind and heart...but I agree with fish catcher that praying about it all and seeking God's desire for you in this will help you greatly. For He knows the future an d what will be the best way for you and her, and if you will seek (ask) Him what to do, things will work out better.

    This I can say also from experience, for it is what I didn't do and it caused me a lot of pain later on down the road.

    Blessings!
     
    Fish Catcher Jim likes this.
  6. Sorry to reply so late, but it was a Gilmore Girls kind of night... ;P

    Thanks for all of the suggestions! I suppose we should talk about it. Once, we were talking about dating and she specifically told me to be direct and honest (just with relationships in general). It's just a touchy subject for us as we are both Christians and neither of us have dated or ever even thought of it seriously. Neither of us buy into the "I'm just dating because I want to have fun" mentality, we take it seriously. Any other tips on talking to her about this? We've talked about everything, so I don't think that it will make things awkward, I just don't exactly know how to bring up the subject.
     
  7. You're 15 brother, don't worry about girls for a while. As you said, you're not ready to date, so there is your answer, and I'll take it a step further to say maybe you should take a step back from the Intimate friendship that you have. The late nights, deep conversations and bonds that you build are a very dangerous thing to build up with somebody during a time in your life when you are not ready for marriage. It causes feelings that have no future, potential hurt in the future and opportunities for sexual temptations that no man and woman are immune to. Group settings are fine, but there is no biblical reason to hangout with a girl 1 on 1 ever until you are married. This is playing with fire.

    Here's my advice;
    Spend copious amounts with God in prayer and in His word. Become knowledgeable and disciplined in the christian faith.
    Find a married man, older than you and mature in his faith to disciple you. Meet with him on a regular basis, studying the bible, working, and have him guide you in what it means to be a biblical man and leader of a household
    Get involved in spreading the Gospel, go cross culturally on missions trips.
    Get a job, any type of job
    Finish school


    After this, then you may be ready to start pursuing a girl you are interested in. I only speak from personal experience and shortcomings in my life hoping that you do not fall in the same areas I did.
     
  8. Thanks Klub!

    It really just isn't that way between us, which is why I was afraid to tell her how I feel. I think that I will wait a while since we both have agreed that dating before you can even drive is foolish and that we aren't ready to date at this point in our lives. My cousin actually started dating his now fiancé when he was sixteen (they are waiting until they are out of college to get married though), and they dated for 5 or so years. I know a couple of people who dated all through high school and college, and they are now married. I believe that they were together for 8 years. My uncle and aunt always say that they started dating in 4th grade, but didn't decide to get married until 5th grade ;)! I'm going to keep praying about it and we will see where God leads me!
     
    Truthfrees and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  9. It is wonderful that you have such a close friend that can relate to you. It may likely be a bit early to start worrying about dating. You should just enjoy your time with your friend, focus on school, and then see how things go as you get a bit older. Beware of comparing yourself to others - you stated a few examples of your cousin dating his now fiance when he was 16 and other people who also dated all through high school. They are not you. You must forge your own path, and a lot of this will depend upon where you end up in terms of going to school to learn whatever your future profession will be. I know people who waited until they graduated from medical school before they even thought about marriage. It really depends on the individuals and the situation. Likely the best thing for you is simply to enjoy your friendship, keep yourself open for new friendships, and focus on being the best you that you can be. A world of possibilities is at your feet - try not to limit yourself so soon. Spend time in serious prayer and let the Lord guide you in this and in all things.
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  10. #10 sandpiper, May 28, 2017
    Last edited: May 28, 2017
    Sounds like that over time you and this friend have established a strong bond of friendship. Perhaps as another said here you are spending too much time together and need to spend time apart and with others as well. A sincere friendship won't necessarily end if you branch out and in time can even deepen. But it is way too early to step into something you may not be ready for.

    Yours right now doesn't sound like it is on the verge of dating as such. Like going to movies, out for dinner, etc. but involves more talking and in a very close and trusting way. So, not to cut it off, just change the amount of time and make it to activities where other people are included.

    I had a friend like you in the 7th and 8th grades. We did go out for cokes or to the movies but didn't hang around each other all of the time. In those days there were no cell phones to use for texting so we called each other constantly (probably way too much). I considered him just a good friend and he me although sometimes we kissed (not long) when he walked me home from a movie or something like that. Mainly though we were simply support for one another and good friends. Neither of us ended up getting married to one another and we each dated other people in high school although we remained friends for many years until going our separate ways when going to different colleges.

    You and this friend have many years ahead. The best advice here is from those who made the mistake of jumping into something too soon and finding they weren't quite ready to make that choice. Better to not make that same mistake and wait.

    Above all do pray and become part of a good youth group where you can have someone (like a youth pastor) to talk these things over with.

    And have lots of fun. You have so much ahead...and so much to look forward to. Proceed with prayer and caution. And read and study the scriptures daily. Encourage your friend to also stay in the Word and participate in Christian group activities.

    Blessings,

    sandpiper >o<
     
  11. This thread has been closed for now since the O.P has not been back in about 33 weeks and may be re-opened if the O.P returns and wishes to reply.

    Thank you to every member that has shared wonderful advice and for your prayers.
    God Bless
    FCJ
     
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