I met him after I dropped out of a university after a semester. I was an Atheist, he was a Christian re-finding his faith... Through hallucinogens. I started doing drugs with him and we started dating. Eventually he shared the gospel with me and after a lot of challenges with my heart I was saved. (The first Bible verse we ever read together was about marriage!) We broke up soon after but he continued to lead me on. He loved God, but was mixed up because of all the drugs and existential ideas. He went away on a missions trip and decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend when he returned. During this time I was away at Bible Camp and then I came home to see them back together... I was completely destroyed. But I really spent that time getting closer to God and building my relationship strong with Jesus. Both him and I stopped drinking, smoking, and really dedicated our lives to Christ. He invited me to visit his Baptist Bible College while he was still dating his girlfriend, with her permission. And a few days before we met for the visit, they broke up. We rehashed everything we had learned about God together, and it was awesome for two people to come together who were SO on fire for God. During the next month or two we didn't talk much. The two times we did hang out though, I had plans with another guy to go on a date, who cancelled last minute, and then he would call an hour later and ask to hang out. It felt like God was saying, don't go on a date with him! This is the guy for you. He apologized a million times really sincerely for breaking up with me and hurting me. He wasn't in the right place... He and his ex-girlfriend had a 4 year relationship he couldn't let go without seeing if it could work. He has emotional issues that he's never been able to confront due to his dad's death and other terrible circumstances in his life, and he was finally able to open up to God and I about them. Our emotional bond is incredibly strong. And I fully forgive and trust him. We had some issues, like our theological ideologies being so different, he being a Baptist and I being Charismatic. We prayed about these things, that our paths would align, and God has been beginning to show him that Contemporary Christian Music is acceptable and now he is very open to different denominations. We are now on the same path. He is a preacher - an AMAZING one. And I'd love to be a preacher's wife. He is attractive, loving, caring, and amazing. We both want to be evangelists. And as soon as our relationship couldn't get any more perfect and amazing... COMPLETE happiness. Everything I could ever want in a man... I began to feel convicted. Guilty. We're taking a week away from each other right now to fast and pray. I continue to feel convicted, feel like this isn't God's will for my life, feeling terrible. Feeling like God's making me give up the most perfect man in the world for me. And we would have the most amazing testimony together. What makes it worse, is that he has no convictions and he feels like it IS God's will for his life to be with me. So I wonder, is God testing me? Is this really not God's will for my life? Is He making me put my Issac on the altar? I don't understand why I feel this way. But I want to do God's will. It's SO HARD though. We would serve God so well together... Already have when we've witnessed and helped people. I just don't understand.