Confused Of Me Being Asexual

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by nijikon, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. Hello Christian Forum Site,

    I am seeking opinions on my situation. Whether it is from someone who is going through the same thing or someone who has valuable comments, feel free to chime in. I would classify myself as a simple but rare case.

    The context is that I'm 28 years old, still a virgin, not much regrets being such. I come from an above average Christian background where I believe that the Bible and it's lessons, particularly one on sexual immorality, are to help and not to harm. That said, my friends would place me as an attractive guy, more so in personality than in looks, who is in the eligible bachelor category - stable job in finance, stylish gentleman, top notch education. All right, my situation.

    Recently, I have been thinking I that I could be asexual. Not in the extreme sense but kindda experiencing hints of it. I'm trying to consolidate these three observations:

    1. When I see a sexy girl on the street, I do think what it is like getting into a room alone with her.
    2. I like clubbing and when go, I'm highly reluctant to get into a relationship with a girl in a club. This is heighten by the fact that I've passed up three potential relationships this year where girl was showing me very strong signs that she wanted me to be her boyfriend.
    3. I quite sure that there's a 90% chance I will go to my grave without having a one night stand. (This has been historically proven once)

    I'm trying to analyze whether I'm asexual or not from TWO VERY KEY facts. (This thread is not to argue my stance on the following. Please accept them as true).

    Fact 1: I will not marry a non-virgin.
    Fact 2: I've accepted that at my age, the pool of good girls situable for me is smaller than the pool of good guys suitable for them. Therefore, it is very unlikely that there's a girl who is single waiting for me.

    I go to clubbing because it is fun. However, I have this sense that me possibly being asexual is coming NOT from a biological cause but from accepting the reality of not getting married and acting accordingly based on my Christian morals, i.e., no sex before marriage, not girl to marry, therefore, no sex.

  2. you mean as in what mentioned in Matthew 5:28 ?
  3. Yes, but that's not answering the main question.
  4. #5 God_be_with_you, Nov 25, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2013
    If you have a low sex drive and you don't feel lonely, I think that you are very lucky. I firmly believe that needs equal weaknesses, and the less needs that you have, the stronger you are. Perhaps the Biblical process of acquiring a mate is the best way to live (and I stand behind obeying God's word), but I think that maybe it's not worth the trouble to bother with the extensive requirements of a relationship at all. Being single is more simple.

    Paul seems to describe himself as being asexual (at least it appears that way to me), and describes it as a strength in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9:
    8But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;9but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

    If you have little to no sexual desire, than you could be considered asexual. If you simply do not believe that you can acquire the caliber of woman that you desire, I would say that you are not asexual by definition.

    If you are asexual, I believe that you have a wonderful gift. You are not burdened by another chain of need that the rest of us are shackled by. When I was a teenager, I lived in great hope of one day losing my virginity. It's ironic that 10 years later, I find that sexual intimacy is the hardest part of my marriage (and one of the hardest issues in my life), and I find that I hate the need for sex to have a healthy marriage, and hate it with a fiery passion. I'm 25 years old by the way.

    I hope that my post has helped =)
    KingJ likes this.
  5. Nijikon, what are you doing to find a girl?
  6. I think your in a very good position here. I would not try to analyze it and allow the enemy to confuse or rush something God put in you. My son is also the same way at 21 years old. He has no interest in girls at all. None meet his (Geek) high standards and he certainly does not seemed to be concerned about it.

    As for the lack of Girls.......................... cough.... cough... There are Gazillions of girls. Use this lack of distraction to get stronger in the Lord and just thank God for bringing the right one in your path.
  7. Nijkon, you are not asexual. I believe you just want more of God and because you were raised in a Christian home and take the Bible at its "word", you do have higher standards. When you are meant to be married, God will bring to your attention the girl you are meant to marry and you'll know it. Men are to be the pursuers and not the girls, so if girls are the one's being "forward", those are the one's you should leery of. You should trying being 48 and a virgin and will NOT have sex before marriage.
  8. I myself have gone long periods being single. One of the main reasons I wanted to remain single was I didn't want to complicate my life. I was wanting to stay focused on God, and studying the Word.

    Then there came a time I felt I was ready to date women. I dated a few women, but quickly broke it off with them because it just wasn't working well. I then stayed single for a short while, but longed to meet a great Christian lady. I prayed asking God to help me meet a good, bible believing Christian lady.

    The next woman I dated we quickly became good friends and we are seeing each other regularly. If things keep going the way they have been with her, we will probably get married.

    As far as your wanting a virgin. You could biblically take a woman that has been married before, and has been divorced because her husband has been unfaithful. Have you considered this?

    Or perhaps it is your lot in life to remain single. It makes me think about how after we are resurrected that no one will be married.
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  9. nijikon,

    I doubt that you are asexual because you do have sexual thoughts about others. Asexual is a kind of "anti-sex drive" and not "doesn't have sex". If you find yourself against the idea of sex outside of marriage (one night stands, sexual pre-marriage relationships, ect) then it's probably exactly what it sounds like: you're simply against the idea. That's fine and there is nothing wrong with you. Now, if you're concerned that you sometimes have attraction or sexual impulses and sometimes do not, you might have a hormone imbalance. You could talk to your doctor about that. Depression also influences sexual arousal.

    Bottom line, though: You sound like you're doing alright. 28 is still young, I'm 27 myself. I have an older brother that's still in the dating scene and he's nearing his 40s. You have time, don't feel pressured.

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