Concerns About A Girl I'm Talking To

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Phillip27, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. Hi everyone,

    There’s a girl I’m looking to get in a relationship with, and while we were talking the other day, she mentioned she had an IUD put in about a year ago. I didn’t know what this was, didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I looked it up and it’s used to prevent pregnancies. I am very concerned about this. I don’t want to be judgmental, but does this mean she’s been sexually active? And plans to be in the future? She said she was a Christian, I’ll take her word for it, but I’m having serious reservations now about proceeding in this relationship. What should I do? She’s 24 years old by the way.
  2. Just talk to her about it and tell her your expectations in a dating relationship. If she's Christian she should understand and hopefully she will have the same expectations for abstinence as you. Sometimes women use birth control to regulate their hormones or if they have endomitriosis.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  3. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Many Christians are sexually active outside of marriage. It may not be right, but it's an easy sin to commit. It doesn't mean that they are a bad Christian though. If you can, get into the relationship with her, talk to her about your feelings about sex, have an STD test done if she'll consent, and everything will work out one way or another.

    What worries you the most about it?
  4. I know I'm new here, but this has got to be the worst advice for a Christian to give another Christian. "Many Christians are sexually active outside of marriage," so does that make it okay? Our standards should be compared to scripture, not to other worldly people. The bible says to flee from sexual immorality. So if you know she is sexually active, and you are tempted by her, if you continue to engage, then you are setting yourself up for disaster.
    Tressa likes this.
  5. I'm not intending to say that it's okay. I don't believe that it's morally acceptable. I agree that sexual immorality should be fled from. I apologize if I gave the wrong impression. What I mean to say is that just because someone has been sexually active, it doesn't mean that you should write them off instantly as relationship potential.

    I've met so many believers who talk about non-virgin suitors like they're garbage or "damaged goods", and I think that it's a very destructive mindset. Fornication may be wrong, but I believe that the Christian community has demonized it to an extreme level beyond what it needs to be; indeed some Christian communities seem to place it on the same severity scale as murder. I just want people to see that, and to realize that someone with a checkered sexual history shouldn't necessarily be ostracized or made into a pariah (I'm not implying anything about anyone here, just making a widely general observation).

    I apologize to any brethren that I might offend with this. It's not my intention to rile anyone up.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  6. Hi brother, no need to apologize to me. I appreciate your response, and you have not offended me. I was just partaking in the conversation, and think it's healthy as christians to discuss, for iron sharpens iron.

    You're right there are a lot of christians that treat non-virgin suitors like garbage. In the Romanian culture I've seen the children of divorced parents treated as garbage because of the sins of their parents. I think when we do this, we are breaking the second most important commandment, which is to love our neighbor as ourselves. And if it is considered the second most important commandment, if we break it, then are we committing the second most major sin?

    I'm not saying we should accept sin by any means. I'm saying that the way it is handled should be in a loving way, that is encouraging the person to repent, not just pointing the finger. A good example is when they were going to kill Mary Magdalene, but Jesus said let the one without sin chuck a rock at her head. It's interesting that he never said the same sin, but someone without any sin.

    Even the smallest sin still demands the same penalty. So Christians that treat other Christians as garbage are being foolish, because we are all damaged goods. All of our righteous acts are like filthy rags in the eyes of God. Only by the sacrifice of Christ are we saved, not by our own deeds. This is why though we will fall short, we should make every attempt to be Christ like and follow His commandments.

    This kind of reminds me of that verse in Luke 7, when that lady came in crying at Jesus's feet. I got the impression that the pharisees were disgusted by this lady, and then Christ checked them. "Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
  7. I agree......
  8. It is ZERO OK. Should not even be a question of it being OK or not.

    Many got to say I receive forgiveness of sins and get Baptized but Jesus is not Lord to them.

    Also just because someone says Lord, Lord, does not really Mean Jesus is their Lord.
    I question why she would even mention this personal fact to you.

    I don't even hang out with believers that are full of doubt and unbelief, I don't need their fear and doubt rubbing off on me. My standard is high if you even want in my circle and very few are.

    You already answered your own question though, better follow it. Though we may not understand lots of things in scripture, we do have something called a Conscience. The scripture talks a lot about our conscience. NEVER VIOLATE IT. You will cut off your ability to hear God.

    Faith never doubts, knows in it's heart it right, never thinks of a plan B.

    Rom 14:23 And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

    Just obeying this one scripture, you can stop with all the questions if something is right or not. It will even save your life. Anything you can't do with full confidence in the Lord is Sin.

    Satan says............... But we need more information, we need to check things out, we need to weigh things here.

    NO, trust the Lord to put the right thing in you the first time, walk away, or walk toward.

    I never reason things out, I get that stop sign in my heart, my spirit. It may even look great, and a good deal but I go with what I know inside of me, always.

    Be encouraged, be strong.
  9. I wouldn't trust the conscience, or the heart. Some people actually don't have a conscience/heart. Look at people in prisons who show no remorse. Look at the LGBT community, I think they sincerely believe they are good people. But what does scripture say? The bible says the heart is deceitful. So we should not trust in our hearts, or our conscience, but only the word of God. :)
  10. The bible mentions conscience far to many times to just ignore it's impact though. Things are often placed in our heart as being right before we even have knowledge about it in the Word.

    People feel sorry for themselves for getting caught (Worldly Sorrow), but even the unsaved have a conscience. The bible talks about searing it, to the point nothing stays on it. I know your right about that.

  11. Yes, I agree with you. The bible does mention the conscience a lot, and it also mentions some having weak consciences. Since there is levels in regards to the conscience, then we should not prioritize the conscience over scripture.
  12. I guess that is one way to look at it, but I don't violate my conscience, and a weak conscience would not do many more things I would like eat food sacrificed to idols.

    The conscience though is something that bugs you for doing, it's when it no longer bugs you about anything, that is when I think we should be concerned.
  13. Yes, this is what I am trying to say. Not everyone thinks about not violating their conscience. For the person that does not have a clear conscience, how do they clear it? By the word, prayer, meditating, and fasting.
  14. I think the conscience about having something on it that would bother you. Like watching a Horror movie, it just would not seem right or good.

    So having a clear conscience would be a good thing.

    could be used for tattoo's i suppose.
    1Co 10:29 Conscience, I say, not thine own, but of the other: for why is my liberty judged of another man's conscience?

    Hoping he conscience is working properly:
    2Co 5:11 Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.

    Keeping that conscience clean of stuff. Pure just mean clear, clean, pure.
    2Ti 1:3 I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day;

    Now, if you seer your conscience then not much would bother you.

    If your conscience bothers you, then time for prayer, fasting and hail Mary's....... (I mean football will take you mind off stuff. Go Bears!!!)

  15. haha yes indeed, a little football will definitely take someone's mind of stuff.
    MichaelH likes this.

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