Christian relationship. Different denominations. Healthy relationship?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by nijikon, Apr 6, 2015.

  1. Hello Christian Forum Site,

    For the past year, this forum has been a great source of encouragement and advice. I could use, and will be grateful for, wise feedback on my current situation. I’ll preface this by saying my intent is to not start a debate on which denomination is better. This is somewhat lengthy but I made it concise.

    Briefly on my situation. I’ve been dating this girl for a year now. I’m Anglican and she’s what you can describe as new contemporary gospel. While it first intrigued me, my understanding on such gospels was clearer when I visited her church. I had to especially with my desire to understand the church my partner goes to. Essentially, ten visitations to her church tells me it isn't a prosperity gospel, the emphasis for them is grace and their worship is very lively. At its core, they worship Jesus and their preaching, both from OT and NT, is Biblical sound.

    Things have been going smoothly in our relationship but only recently, our conversations regarding how our church operates have accumulated to this – she questions my true intent for going to my church, in her eyes a more subdued service compared to contemporary ones, when I feel jaded about my service. Also, one can argue I feel more alive in hers. If you think she has an agenda of pulling me to her church, only she knows. For me, it sounds like it.

    I feel that her questioning of my intent of going to my church is unwarranted. And I do not like it. Our conversation then lead to my answer – while I admit I feel jaded in my church, I still go there for BOTH the sentimental reasons, my friends of 14 years are there, and evangelistic reasons, reaching out to the small community around my church. Just say her church is in Manhattan, mine in Long Island.

    Related to this is our respective walk with Jesus. We both acknowledge the importance of Jesus in our lives. Where we differ is how we see growth. Given my last 14 years of listening to sermons and reading bible, I see growth now as evangelizing to anyone including sick patients at a remote hospital or isolated individuals working in an oil rig. She sees growth as going weekly to listen to a lively sermon, which I agree is very Biblical sound, where she gets to worship and listen to God.

    Now, put yourself in her shoes. Her service has 20,000 members. Mine, 200. Her worship consists of 12 musicians with 50 choir team, mine 5 musicians. Bluntly, her church is big and lively. Mine, small, perhaps boring, dry though a communal feel. She doesn't get why I'm not immediately switching to hers and sees my decision not to as disobedience of following men in my church and not following God.

    My main question is this. Is it right for her to probe my intentions of going for my service and invalidate my reasons? She has a counter to both my reasons, namely, church shouldn’t be about sentimental reasons and my blindness for not see the multitude of serving opportunities in her church. Another question would be the sustainability of me going to my church in the morning and then joining hers in the evening accepting the importance of couples going to the same church.

    Sincerely Yours,
  2. #2 calvin, Apr 8, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2015
    G'day Niji,
    Does your friend think that a 'big' church is better than a 'small' Church?
    Are you engaged to this Girl or just going steady?
    Just take things a little slowly if it is not too late.
    Respecting your ask for no debate, I think a smaller Church is able to minister to people on an individual level whereas a larger Church can easily loose that necessary contact with individuals...though that is not always the case.
    Getting to your main question, I'd steer her away from comparing ministry opportunities and seek to steer her towards seeking the Lord's will.
    True Christian ministry is only by appointment (calling) of the Lord.
    You both need to evaluate and pray about your individual attachments. Is the Lord calling you to change to this larger Church?
    Is the lord calling her to migrate to the smaller Church?
    I agree that it is less than ideal for a couple to worship in separate Churches , or for one to go to a morning service in one place and the other to worship at evening in another.
    Another thing to consider, if either one of you were to make that sort of change with a view to eventually marrying but then had an irreconcilable bust up.....that would be awkward for everyone.
    In the end, I believe that a move to another Church is not the same as changing supermarkets. Any move should be after much joint prayer and conviction by the Holy Spirit.
    SparkleEyes and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  3. Trusting in Christ eternally unites us with him and other believers. Our new relationship with Christ gives us his presence and purpose in life.
    hebrew roots bible
  4. The man is the spiritual leader. Not vice versa. No debate.

    I would try look past this for the moment and rather discern her motivation for her Christian affiliation.

    To me, yours is clear. You are visiting hospitals and such. What is she doing? Attending a church is not Christianity. We are known by our works. Is she humble? Does she speak nicely to those who serve her? Does she help out at a homeless shelter / help elderly, widows, orphans? Does she respect her parents?
  5. I believe that a relationship based on truth works best. In that case, I would allow my partner to probe my intentions and express her concerns/beliefs about them. I may feel vulnerable and exposed by it all, but to not let her know my truth is deceptive.
    Relationships are supposed to be about 'relating' to each other, openly, truthfully, supportingly, lovingly,....

    My understanding is that worshiping God is a personal conscious contact with God, regardless if one is alone or in a crowd. So it ought not be an issue where each go to do that. The bigger question is, sharing each others truth and love for God when together.
    The other issues that arise has nothing to do with our connection with God, but how we fear to be judged by others.
    Well, that is how I see it.
    Cturtle likes this.

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