Christian "enough"

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lifeasweknowit, Oct 13, 2013.

  1. Hi Everyone,

    I hope all is well. It has been a while since I've posted, but this was the first place I thought of when seeking counsel about my current situation.

    I have been in a relationship for about 4 months now, though we've been talking since April. We were set up by two separate friends, whom did not know each other. I was not interested until I found out he was raised Catholic and that his parents are very involved in their Catholicism. He pursued me hard and I gave into the relationship because he is an amazing guy. I spelled out very clearly that I am "waiting" until marriage (though I caved-but have since ceased as much as possible intimacy and "sleep overs"), and that my faith is not only important, but has to be just as important to my partner. He went along and said that he was a Christian (he was the chaplain of his fraternity in college) and would go to church with me.

    Moving forward, I have found out along the way that he believes in abortion, sex before marriage, and is OK with homosexual relationships. He truly believes in Christ from what he tells me and I do believe him, but I doubt his spiritual maturity and have consistent doubts.

    I was going to break up with him a few weeks ago when I felt he was making excuses not to go to church. He begged that I give him a chance to "prove" to me how Christian he is. He has now expressed joining a ministry with me and is now consistently going to church with me. However, I still feel something is missing. I can't talk to him about Christ the way I can with someone more spiritually mature. This is a huge aspect of the relationship that is missing, but with his effort, I am hoping he will come around.

    My question is, do I continue in this relationship given that he and I are both dating in the hopes of marriage and seeing that he is a great guy who truly respects my boundaries (physical and mental) and is making an effort to be involved in the church? Or do I end this because of my nagging doubts that he might just be doing this for me? He consistently says he is doing this for him.

    Thank you in advance.

    PS: I am non denom, not catholic.
  2. Welcome back....Glad to know you are doing well and getting involved in the ministry.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  3. Hi Life, missed you!

    Sorry to hear :(:(, it sux!!

    But at the same time it is good that this was revealed now and not later.

    Scripture is crystal clear on not being unevenly yoked Life, you know that ;). God did not send Him to you, your friends did.

    1. Forgiveable as many Christians have not applied their minds to it properly. 2. Becomes blurred as mistakes are so easy, but a good Christian will always recognise it as sin and repent. 3. Well this has caused a split amongst all Christians. Its fine for Christians to have homosexual contacts who are unsaved and they are trying to win them over, but to approve of it....eish.

    I am sure he is a good guy. But he does not love, respect and fear God. That is not something that he can change for you or in a jiffy. Best case scenario, he gets truly saved and changes. You still cannot trust it unless you are out of a relationship with him. So if you really like him, break things off and wait a while to see how / if he changes.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  4. Hi KingJ:cool:! Missed you and everyone else too! :):D

    I'm still really conflicted on this issue still because I think it depends on what others see as unevenly yolked. I see him as a Christian who simply isn't always following the Word. Then again, I think we all have a tendency to do such things from time to time. You seemed to have an explanation on all of his beliefs that appear to go against the bible so now I'm even more confused :(. I believe that God knows everyone who will enter our lives and knew that my boyfriend would.

    Now you're saying I should break things off. Kind of hard when we're going to NY in two weeks! Anyhow, what would this accomplish and what would be the appropriate thing to say to him since he IS making a concerted effort in attending church and showing interest in ministries? How could I explain breaking up with him now that he's been trying to "prove it"?

    Hope this makes sense...
  5. Muchas gracias Mike :) Glad to be back.
  6. Him going to church is for you, not God. Hence he draws closer to you, not God. There is nothing to ''prove''. He either lives in respect / love / fear and trembling of God or he doesn't. Evenly yoked is as simple as you love Jesus sincerely, be with someone who does too.

    I know its easier said then done. The best general advice is thus that you do nothing foolish until the puppy love phase is gone. When its gone remember you marry for kids to grow up in a God fearing house and you don't date anyone you can't see yourself marrying.

    Good luck, praying for you.
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  7. End it. Now. Do not hesitate.

    Most women do not want to be the spiritual leader in the home because that's the way God made you. The head of the wife is her husband, and the head of the husband is Christ (1 Corinthians 11:3). A man without Christ as his head is rudderless. You want a man who will be the spiritual leader in the home. You, as the woman, and being the "weaker vessel" (1 Peter 3:7) should not be burdened with dragging your husband along in your family's spiritual walk. Real men lead. That's what we do. If you have to coax him along now, he will be valueless during your engagement and a dangerous misfit in marriage.
    Lifeasweknowit and Mr. Darby say Amen and like this.
  8. He shouldn't have to prove anything. If he has to prove anything, he's faking it. ANYONE can fake it for the short term. The vilest of men can pretend to be good while being watched, but a true man of God will be good when he thinks nobody is watching and his actions won't matter. If it was real, it would already be evident. Remember the parable of the sheep and goats. The sheep didn't even realize they were doing anything out of the ordinary. It was natural for them to do good, and so when they were reminded of their deeds, they were surprised. The goats THOUGHT they did all the right things, because they committed the right actions, but never really lived it in their hearts.

    How important all that is to you, only you can decide. Just remember, marriage is designed by God to be for life, but even failing that, our relationship with Christ is eternal and not something we should ever risk placing in the back seat for anyone or anything.
    Lifeasweknowit, Kurt75 and Mr. Darby says Amen and like this.
  9. When I was single, years ago, I tried the unequally yoked thing once. It was a mistake. Usually, it will not be you bringing him up, but rather him dragging you away from your spiritual life. I told myself that I would influence her; but in the end, she almost changed me.
    Lifeasweknowit and Kurt75 say Amen and like this.
  10. I believe many could echo that sentiment Mr. Darby. Far too many, myself included. I was just thinking about my first girlfriend the other day. She pretended to be a good Christian, was raised in the Church, and after I met her, she was quite committed. After we broke up, her true level of commitment started to show. Sadly, because I thought she was a good person, I allowed her to change my ideals just enough to compromise myself. It isn't the wolves growling at the gates we need fear, but those that peacefully enter the flock, befriend the sheep, and then betray the trust they've been given. Betrayal never comes from an enemy, but from a friend.
    Lifeasweknowit and Mr. Darby say Amen and like this.

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