Christian dating in the church rarer/harder 2 start than outside church environment?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by spacefox, Jan 28, 2008.

  1. Christian dating in the church rarer/harder 2 start than outside church environment?

    Guys/girls, anyone found that a lot of Christian girls/guys are less open to dating a Christian that church? No matter who the person, looks aside, personality aside, and evident Godly lifestyle and character of that person not even working in favor?

    At my previous church (pentecostal AOG) which I was a member for six years and after asking out a couple of girls and hearing from my mates no girls in the church would want to date anyone regardless of looks and evident Godly character and great personalities and in more or less words the answer would always be no. The same lines being used such as; i'll pray about it, They are waiting for God to send them the "One" and only date that person and marry that person. Crazy stuff... And no one was dating in the church! Full of singles... all waiting for "the one" for God to send to them ... hmm crazy stuff.. Anyone else found that being able to date people within the church is a lot different than dating people in the world!? It shouldn't be that complicated, it's quite simple really.

    I have no problem being able to date non Christian girls, so easy to get a date with a non Christian girl but i could never marry a non Christian girl. This and not wanting to have sex with a girl before marriage is always a hindrance to any non Christian/Christian relationships longevity. The only reason i date non Christian girls is because Christian girls in the church just seem so unavailable or not even wanting to be good friends and if something more than friends is possible it becomes self evident and things would go from there.

    I'm at a point where i only want a Christian girl an amazing beautiful woman of God who i can marry and i don't want to date non Christian girls. No offense to them but no matter how hot they may look if they're not a women of God they are just not what i want and i'm tottaly not interested!. So i feel inside that i don't want to date any non Christian girls and that i will look for/wait for the kind of Christian girl I would want to be with, but that could be a looonng time from my previous experience of Christian dating being rare and just not happening a lot of the time in church. Even in the church i'm in now on both sides of the fence its full of lots of good looking single guys and girls with no one dating.. So strange, so stupid, its not hard lol.

    So now i'm stuck with the choice of not dating a non Christian girl because i know inside i will never marry them, which i would like to get married soon... and the possibilty of rejection from so many Christian girls just waiting to "hear from God" or what ever else, maybe it's just been my bad luck in the churches i've attended lol!! :) I would like to hear girls perspective on this and guys who've had similar circumstances!

    Thanks for reading, God bless!! :)
  2. Trouble could occur dating a non Christian. To easy to be tempted to live the way she lives. I really don't believe in dating or marrying a non Christian. I wouldn't jeopardize my salvation. God Bless. ;)
  3. Good morning Spacefox,

    First of all, do not comprise your walk with God by being tempted to date non Christian girls. If you don't mind me asking , how old are you?

    You say you want to get married soon. You state there is all these single girls waiting for the one to marry. Honestly, I would not say there is nothing wrong with them.

    Take a good look at yourself. What are you doing for the Lord? Are you loving him first and foremost in your life? Are you being obedient and serving his people. Have you studied and read what being married is all about? What are your every day thoughts and actions based on?

    The bottom line I am trying to get to is maybe your time and energy that is spent on wanting to date and such, could be refocused on doing something for God. You will be amazed as we put ourselves in scripture, pray to him with specific prayers ( be careful, because he does answer). and just love people every day and be God's hands and feet, what he will lead us to.. and you just never know.. there just may be that one beautiful princess around that corner..


    PS... It is all in God' timing.. and yes Spacefox.. that is the tough part.. just ask me.. I have been waiting for 46 years...:D:D but the good news is Jesus is alive in my heart and great things are happening in my walk with God!
  4. Spacefox, patience is a virtue. I once was in the same place you are now in the dating scene.

    The best advice I can give is pray about it and wait for God to do his wondrous work. When I was dating I first was in it for the looks. I wasn't in a walk with the Lord where I should have been, but was a beleiver and was from a good loving Christian family who went to church but never found one that was a home church. So I saw lots of available girls but never had the chance to get to know any one of them. One day I was so tierd of worrying about who I was going to marry in the future that I gave it up to God.

    I prayed asking when the day came to get married he would send me a Christian gal that believed as I did. Well God dose work in mysterious ways. Come one day before sophomore homecoming I asked my future wife, who was some one I never really had known before, to the dance. She promptly told me NO!

    Taken back and kind of hurt, I said thanks any way and talk to you later. Not but a week later I get this note from her out of the blue, to which I have to this day. In that note she told me her feelings and that she had been thinking of my offer and would like to know if we could go out some time. I have to say I am not sure what I felt at that time but, YIPPEE.

    Unknown to me at that point that she was a young woman founded in Christ and had a home church that soon I would consider my home church. She has helped me in my walk with the lord in more ways than I can count. I soon became baptized and my walk with the lord started on the right foot for a change.

    Well after three years High School was coming to an end and I was off to Coast Guard Basic Training. I broke it off with her to save her the heartbreak from a long distance relation ship. Well on my home coming from boot camp we hung out, she actually cam to my graduation to see me. Soon I was off to my first unit. One day I came back home for a visit, and found my self spending time with her again. Soon I was holding hands again and soon telling her I loved her again. All this happening and not really thinking about it. Soon I was looking at rings and preparing the speech.

    I soon proposed to her, some 6 years later of that fateful note, most of which we dated. She of course said yes. We have now been married for three wonderful years. Looking back I can see that my prayer was answered. I now have a better walk with the lord, and a deep respect and love for my wife. I have reviled the ghost in my closet to her and she is still with me supporting me even more than before. I can not imagine being with any one else, or even single for that matter.

    So the moral of this long story is spaceghost hang in there, pray and ask God for a wife that believes as you do and will be some one that you can spend a lifetime with. He answers prayers with out you knowing it. I know he answered mine. Best of luck, and be patient, your day is coming.

    God Bless
  5. There is hope for everyone, including non-Christians. They can accept Jesus.

    See: 1 Corinthians 7:12-14
  6. I agree with Excessum.

    If God wants you to date/marry a non-Christian, wouldn't you go along with His will?

    A lot of times, I see it as compatability. While religion can matter, can you get along with this person? Two personalities don't always go together. Not only is it religion, but looks, money, politics, etc. that cause people to get divorced because they don't think "Do we get along?"

  7. With courtship making a comeback, seems dating is even harder.
  8. there is nothing crazy about asking God.:p
  9. Whats wrong with being friends with those gals and leaving it up to God to lead you and the mate chosen to be with you together with you eventually? I've heard more excuses given for people to try and see if compatible with a potential mate thru dating and more.

    Lame excuses to swing the choice who you want away from God over to you. And if do, it will fall thru. even with the mate God has chosen for someone it will still see trials and work to help you both become "one flesh" in all aspects, but it will come out successful if both stay inline with God's leading as the mate they are in the marriage.

    God Bless!!
  10. Nearer, God doesn't want this, HIS word tells us not to become unequally yoked - meaning, not to marry someone who is not of the same belief as us.
  11. Courting has seemed to making a comeback, my boyfriend and I consider ourselves to be courting. It is hard to date within the church because sometimes there is a limited amount of singles, who are your type or your are theirs. I don't think the problem lies in Christian girls not wanting to date or anything like that. For me, I was waiting for the right time. I knew I wasn't ready to be dating someone especially when I believe in "date your mate" theory.

    I think with Christian women we want to make sure men have a honorable intentions, not saying you don't, but at the same time, they may only see you as a friend and not someone they could date, again not saying your not dateable. but I Think we look for more in a man than Non-Christian women who may sometimes date for dating sake.
  12. What's the difference between dating and courting?
  13. I am knew here but I would like to interject something.
    I not for the most part everyone aswerd the second portion of spacefox's post.
    What about the first part.

    I noticed that some of the people in my church, mainly the ladies since I talk with them more, seem to expect God to just drop someone in thier arms without them looking. I know I use to think that, I just can't put it into pratice yet. Infact some seem to me, waiting to marry God or Jesus, that is how high they set thier standereds. I have had in intersting email back and forth with a friend, will share if anyone wants to know.

    So any
  14. It is a good thing to spend time with the opposite gender as activity partners in groups and also alone with them as friends.

    It is important to learn how the opposite gender is. This is especially important santified environments where everyone is on their best behavior. Here we can learn falsely that they are angelic ladies on a pedestal. This will create difficulties later on if we do not have experience that they are real people with flaws and character just like we do. Through meeting each other and prayer most people can learn more about the opposite gender, and how to handle a relationship and love one another. If we avoid each other we will not learn how to love each other.

    It seems to me that your church is putting undue emphasis on long term commitment when it comes to interacting with the opposite gender. Young people need to mix and have fun together. They are putting too much emphasis on the yoke of marriage and not non-committal dating. Dating is not betrothal, it is a opportunity to have fun and learn about ourselves and each other. In such a overly serious church dating has been oppressed by the yoke of expectation. No, save the yoke for marriage and spare the young people of its burden.

    It is also important to keep close to the Lord in prayer while hanging out with the opposite gender as opportunity to develop a sexually intimate relationship without marriage can take us away from prayer and intimacy with the Lord.

    Additionally another reason they might not be dating is if most of these women are virgins they probably don't want to risk losing that status.
  15. That is part of the culture of passivity. We can be active partners with God going out into life, and asking for his guidance as we actively live life. God gives us the desires of our heart. It appears to me that these women are not overly concerned with the work in this world of finding a potential mate. However I feel that working and praying over this is much more important then even what college we go to.

  16. Lyrics from 'Fishy' by Philmore:
    , ... 'And I know my father
    Has scoped out the water
    And picked out a fishy for me
    Jesus has a girl for me
    I know he does because he told me
    In his word, the Bible
    The desires of my heart he'd give me
    Every good and perfect gift,
    We know is from above
    But there is one gift that I haven't got
    And that's the gift of love,
    ***Now I know Jesus loves me
    And I am so in love with Him
    But that's a different kind of love, love, love,
    That I've been thinking of ***
    I want a girl with big, brown eyes
    And smile so sweet,
    Where is the girl who loves Jesus as much as me?
    I want a girl, I want a girl,
    With big brown eyes and smile so sweet
    Where is the girl? Where is the girl
    Who loves Jesus....Just as much as me?

    My humble opinion, I definitely think and wholeheartedly believe that God's love is more than sufficient for us as individuals.
    Colossians 1V.18
    However, to deny as many followers do that we have an innate desire to pair up as men and women is at best naive and cynical.

    God created us to love and that love isn't completed and fulfilled only in the 'friendzone' of today's church dating culture.
    Now I'm not advocating at all to adopt the worldly standpoint of dating and "intimacy".

    However to deny that we are human, leaves plenty of room for the enemy to "slither" in and cause us to stumble.

    Now a little background about myself, I'm a 25+ year "waiter", I am a youth leader leader and ministry partner with a megachurch here in the US.
    And were currently navigating a teaching series about this exact topic as a church body.

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