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Christian After Marriage To Wife Who Does Not Believe...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Apologia, Feb 25, 2014.

  1. I will try and make this as concise as possible without rambling.

    When I got married over 6 years ago, I would have considered myself believing in a supreme being but not the God of the Bible. Since then, I had been drawn closer and closer to the biblical God and eventually accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on Easter of 2013. My wife however, is a non-believer and although I can say that she will ‘never’ believe, I’ll leave it as ‘highly unlikely’. As my spiritual growth and love for God increases, my worldly concerns and the need to fit into what society dictates dramatically decreases; this is not the same for my wife. For her, as society evolves their views as to what is considered the ‘norm’, her views follow suit which is difficult for me to watch. She had a bad experience with the church when she was very young and currently thinks all religions are ridiculous. I’m not even sure she respects my beliefs because it’s difficult to even start a conversation, for example the Bible, without her reverting to “the Bible, Gods word written in a random book, by a random bunch of men, based on their own belief system”.

    It is indeed troublesome and difficult sometimes, especially talking about homosexuality including gay marriage, abortion among other hot button issues. Is there anyone else that was married as a non-believer to a non-believing spouse and now one of them is a Christian while the other remains a non-believer? I think what we (my wife and I) need to do is talk about how my worldly and societal views have changed since becoming a Christian and go from there. Thoughts?
  2. I do not know if my post is going to be helpful in any way :) But I felt like sharing this.. My mom is a believer and dad is not.. I come from India.. My dad is actually a hindu.. But not that much into religion.. My mom saved only when I was conceived.. I have 2 elders brothers and I am the last one.. Until then my parents never had any conflicts.. But things started to change slowly.. Things are very orthodox in India and women don't enjoy equal freedom in married life.. Of course things are different now and we are talking about the status some 30 years ago.. So mom was not allowed to go to Church or participate in any revival meetings.. For a long time my mom did not have Bible..

    My dad is still not saved.. But my mom has full freedom now.. She goes to church, attends all kind of meeting, watches TV programs in front of my dad, reads Bible when he is at home.. She really lived by the verse where Jesus calls us to be light to the world.. Few points she stuck to,

    1 - Never gave up
    2 - Never pointed out anything to my dad showing any kind of superiority that she is on the right path
    3 - Surrendered to my dad completely as long as it was not contradicting Word of God

    Now we have grown up enough to testify to our dad (we still have fear of our dad :D) And my dad knows in his heart deeply that there is nothing he can say against it.. He simply says that is your belief and this is my belief.. But he cannot refuse anything we say..

    Now let me come to the point :) Initially it would be only social issues.. Which both of you will not be really bothered about.. But things will get personal.. You will want to go to Church or some conference and your wife might want to do something else.. Small things will build up.. I am not trying to scare you! Absolutely not.. At the same time, it is not an easy path..

    Trust in God.. Pray for your wife.. Never give up.. And let her see Christ in you.. That is the most important thing..

    I don't know if this answers anything for you.. Sorry if I deviated too much :)
    AllieWi and Apologia say Amen and like this.
  3. Ravindran, I appreciate your insight and no, you did not deviate too much :) I know that it will be a tough path. I used to go to church a while back but my wife never attended with me. I didn't get a whole lot out of church, so I just started reading the Bible and reaching out to others such as you and others on mediums such as this. Thank you for sharing your parent's story!
  4. Try not to let the negatives in but to use this as a chance to grow your love for your wife (and an understanding of unbelievers) as well as your faith. All you can do is put this in God's hands, asking for his help and doing what he says if he gives you direction. I will pray for your wife's heart to soften and for her to come to salvation. May God's love and peace fill your heart and may you cast all your cares on him. God bless you.
    Apologia likes this.
  5. #5 aha, Feb 26, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2014

    As I observe: norm is dependent on the laws of the land.....

    Thus, i found it as "inconsistency on their part" when non-Christians are questioning the “norms” of a society during OT time when it is dependent on the laws of the land at that times…..

    Laws evolve, the written law: but I think the spirit of the law remains as timeless: our search for righteousness….
  6. The bibles gives crystal clear instructions to you, the believing spouse. But what we need to do in difficult situations is try understand God's logic behind the advice. It really does open our eyes!

    Jesus says you must never leave her Mark 10:9 except in the case of sexual immorality / adultery Matt 19:9. Why do you think that is?

    I believe it is simply because there is always hope for them. You are an ambassador for Jesus everyday. She chooses to stay with you / sit next to that fire. There is a degree of indirect acceptance of Jesus by accepting you. If there is no hope for her I firmly believe God gets involved and 'causes' them to leave. Whether it is from their initiation of divorce or adultery.

    You must continue attending church, prayer and fellowship meetings. Constantly inviting and trying to take her with. Kids going to church is a must! You are the husband, you have every right to enforce that and be the spiritual leader.
    AllieWi and Apologia say Amen and like this.
  7. This is awesome! Thank you!
  8. Brian I have faith that God will open her eyes!! God bless you for being an awesome example to other men:)

    I will pray for you guys!
    Apologia likes this.
  9. Brian,

    It sounds like our situations are similar.

    I joined a church during my high school years and was eventually baptized. During college I grew apart from God and just did my own thing. I married my college girlfriend who, I believe, was indifferent to God. Her parents were regular church goers. My parents are divided; mom believes but not active with any church and my dad believes religion is for the weak-minded. Anyway, our marriage didn't last long and soon I was living by myself and really enjoying a worldly life.

    Eventually, after many years I met and married my current wife. At this point neither one of us had a strong conviction towards God in any way. We had a son and soon after that my wife's attitude changed significantly and I felt alone. We both tended to our son but not to each other. My wife continued to push me away and I reciprocated with like behavior. I found companionship with alcohol. It wasn't until I discovered that she started a serious friendship with another man that my life started to make a turn. The thought of not seeing my son everyday sobered me up. I reached out to marriage counseling but I was frantic and that wasn't moving fast enough for me. At rock bottom I remembered God!

    I prayed and read various faith-based marriage books, I did everything I could to find the answers I was looking for. And they came! God helped me stop drinking cold turkey, He gave me the willpower to exercise and get my body back, and restored my affection for my wife. A body, mind and spirit regeneration. This turn-around started in 2009 and has not lapsed one bit! I look back only to be thankful of where I am today.

    Unfortunately, my wife still does not believe and she tries to ignore the changes God has made in me and discredit my faith at every chance, which limits how much I can share my relationship with God to her. She doesn't understand my approach to certain situations that I've given over to God to deal with. She interprets it as just not caring when in actuality it's quite the opposite. Our relationship is better than it was but we obviously have a long way to go.

    Some important things I've concluded:
    • God has to soften my wife's heart. There's nothing I can do myself but to be the best example of Christ as I can be. Easy, right? ;)
    • God may want my wife sink to her lowest in order to bring her around. I need to recognize this and then wait.... I can't intervene and risk thwarting His plan... and then listen in case He wants to use me to help her back up. (Maybe that's why He's continuing to strengthen my faith now??)
    • I can't let my marriage with my wife supersede my relationship with God. Although I'm concerned to restore our marriage I can't put it absolute first in my life.
    • Patience and prayer.
    • God didn't forget me even when I rebelled. He continued to protect and provide for me during that time. Why would he give up on me now?
    AllieWi likes this.
  10. Your words bring me comfort, thank you. As a newer christian, my changes from living a worldly life to a spiritual one are still in the works. It is extremely difficult at times to unlearn and relearn things you have been taught your entire life, only to find out that when you have the Holy Spirit in you, the vast majority of them are to live according to the world. Although subtle, I have changed quite a bit, unrecognized by my wife however. You're quite right about God having to soften other's hearts. I am obviously not God so if I tried to soften her heart myself it would only push her farther away from God (if that's possible for a non-believer :D). I think prayer, patients and continuing to walk in the spirit is definitely needed so that my wife may eventually come around. I think she is too comfortable living a worldly life though, which I can totally understand, it hard to turn your back on...but when you get to know Christ, is it really that hard?! ;)
  11. 1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

    Walk the walk, Obey the scripture. Never mention a thing to her anti-Word. NEVER. Just walk the walk.

    do what God says do, watch what happens. Faith looks past circumstances and has hope for the blessed end.
    Apologia likes this.
  12. That's the thing, she has such disdain for Christianity or anything to do with God, yet I never say anything about her being a non-believer. The only urge I get is when she bashes Christianity by calling it a good 'story' or a cult. Even then the only thing I want to say is "I don't say anything negative about your non-belief so why is it so offensive when I talk about/relate things back to God?". I don't hold her non-belief against her, I used to be there. I just need the patience, prayer, humility and love so she can truly start to see Christ through me as I walk in the Spirit.
  13. I hear you, Brian. My wife loves the opportunity to say, "A lot of good your religion does you." I try to remember to remain calm and say, "Don't judge my God based on my weaknesses."

    My take on this is that Satan is trying really hard to distract me from my walk. He's trying to get me to return evil with evil and every other little trick he can come up with. Satan knows how important my family is and he knows it's a soft spot for me so of course he's going to attack it. I've been trying really hard lately to live by Ephesians 5:25 - love your wife as Christ loved the church. I don't take that to mean only if she's Christian too. It reminds me to have the patience Christ has with His church - we're not perfect... yet.

    One little side note. Part of me wonders if at least some of this marital struggle isn't my price for going off on my own and marrying a non-Christian.
    Apologia likes this.
  14. I experience the same things with my unbelieving friends. It's offensive because of how much we love Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross. But, as Jesus said, turn the other cheek. They are hostile toward Christianity over other religions because it is the truth and light. Darkness hates the light! Only God can overcome darkness.

    God will continue to strengthen you in this, Brian!
    Apologia likes this.

  15. Perspective!!!

    Anyone that does not accept Jesus is "Spiritually" dumb as rocks. Jesus is right there, arms wide open.

    You and I at one time was no smarter spiritually than a rock.

    Now, there are many different levels of Dumb (Ignorant of things) As we grow in the Lord and increase we move further and further away from the Spiritual IQ of our common Rock.

    You got saved so your further away from your rock than your wife is from hers. Spiritual things don't make sense to her, or the moral's and values, anymore than they make sense to a rock.

    You are understanding more, so you have left your rock on the Spiritual IQ scale.

    My question is........ Since I was right by my rock and in the same boat. How far away from my Rock is far enough to mention back to someone my dissatisfaction that they comment on my belief? At one time I thought Jesus was foolish and Christians were weak, I said the same things. Best to just zip it and smile. Like the Movie Madagascar. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

    I get in trouble when I think I left my rock so far behind that I no longer understand someone else darkness or condition. I start to carry this standard of excellence that others can't meet. This spills over into doctrine I don't agree with and people more closer to their rock than me to my rock.

    This might be all well and good, until God shows up and ask me to compare my distance from the Rock, from His distance from His rock. Come to find out, God never had a rock. All of a sudden my rock is far closer to me than I thought in my head.


    My Wife!!

    My wife always went to church, I was a unsaved, evil, dumb as a rock devil. Compared to me, my wife was a saint, had angel wings.

    I accepted Jesus right before going to prison. I grew and grew, and was in my Word all day, every day. My wife went off with another man so I did not hear from her for a year and a half.

    Filled with the Holy Spirit, Spoke in tongues, Laid hands on the sick, I just kept learning and walking in the power of God.

    My wife broke it off with that guy because the Lord had warned her and after a year 1/2 she came to visit me. She was going to church and she brought my 2 sons with her. My youngest had a fever but she came anyway.

    Brother................. for her being in church all her life, she was Spiritually stupid, and real close to her rock. She told me that my son had a fever and I told her He won't leave with one, give him to me. She had ZERO concept of anything Jesus did for us.

    Now I had forgiven and was believing God for her but....................... after visiting her in the visitor prison room, I told God that I did not really want her back. I was looking at her from a much further distance from my rock than where I use to look at her from.

    I just smiled and waved though, and my sons fever stopped when they started back home.

    When I got out of prison, I just kept quite and walked in love. It was not long the devil attacked my son with terminal cancer. She was clueless but I just told her to be quite and let me take care of it. I had to step up as spiritual head of my family though the wife was just totally not even close to being on the same page as me. When she would say things like I don't want our son to die, I would just smile and tell her that would be impossible, the devil is not big enough to kill him.

    Never say a word back to the wife about anything, even if she does rub you the wrong way or makes comments.


    Go from having to deal with a unsaved wife to receiving a saved one now.

    In prison, I always said..... I have a saved wife that prays in tongues and loves God. My answer to everyone that asked how my wife was doing. In reality she was sleeping with someone else and not acting very saved. I never changed my answer though to anyone.

    Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
    (Mar 11:24-25)

    If you believe something is already done and yours, you no longer fret about it.

    I also Prayed what Paul prayed over her.

    I thank you Lord, making mention of my wife in my prayers. That by the prayer of the Holy Spirit given to Paul your eternal word, works mighty and effective in the life of my loved ones, especially my wife whom I stand for.

    I speak right now by Your Word Father that the eyes of my wife's understanding is being enlightened every single day. Things get more and more clear to her in a loving way that blesses her. My wife will see that she has a hope and a calling for her life, and great riches in a awesome inheritance she will partake in. The reality of this will get more clear and apparent to her. My wife will understand what is your great power father toward them that will believe according to the working of your great power.

    I receive a Saved wife that Loves Jesus and will follow him all the days of her life. He will be her strength and source of love. I will never say she is not saved again, nor say anything that is not in line with your Word father. As the Centurion told Jesus, "Just speak the Word only and my servant shall be healed." Good enough for the centurion, good enough for me. I speak what you said, and receive what you said. I thank you for it in Jesus mighty name, the King of Kings.

    Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers; That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,
    (Eph 1:16-19)

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