Choosing the Partner

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Sampaul, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. Hello All,

    Greetings to you all in the name of Jesus Christ.I have many questions regarding choosing the life partner.
    Recently, I had a crush on a girl and interest in her. I started talking with her and one day I made my proposal to her. But she refused. I couldn't accept this and I was like mad after that for 2 or 3 days. Then I came to conclusion that "let it go" but I couldn't forget her. Daily morning whenever I wake up she is the one who comes in my mind and I didn't know what to do about that? In my prayer most of the time, "Lord am I right or wrong? I couldn't forget her or I couldn't let it go also, please tell me what to do?" . This will be prayer for most of the time. So this is the situation I'm having now. I don't know what to do? I have some questions based on this, please answer for that and please post your suggestion also.
    NOTE: She is not a believer in Christ and place where I'm living in this part of the World will never encourage for a love marriage.

    Q1. What I did is right or wrong ( told about my love on her)?
    Q2. Is it against God to choose a non-believer?
    Q3. I have experienced lot of pains because of this. Why these pains are?
    Q4. I believe whatever happens in our life, God allows it. If so, what would God expect from me out of this situation?
    Q5. Can I pray to God for that girl to be my Life partner?
     
  2. Welcome :)

    If you have not done so as of yet please read CFS forum rules and getting started threads here

    http://www.christianforumsite.com/categories/your-welcome-pack.104/
    And here
    http://www.christianforumsite.com/categories/getting-started-learn-how-to-use-your-account.101/

    Again, Welcome to CFS

    My only comment to your first entry is the scriptures:

    2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (KJV)
    Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. ​
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  3. Blessings brother! Welcome to a very anointed forum!

    In answer to your questions and thoughts, i have to say the biggest thing for you to do is to begin to really seek the Father. Begin to draw close to Him, and develop a very close relationship with Him. As you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, all the things that you are needing and desiring will be added unto you. Matthew 6:33.

    Then begin to think and pray about what kinds of qualities you want in a wife. The first one is she must be of like faith, (as scripturally stated in the above post) and believe the same ways that you do, or very similar. Then as you and God grow closer, and He knows what characteristics and qualities you are looking for trust Him to direct you as to who to approach. Leaning fully on God, especially for a mate is the best thing that you could ever do.

    God loves you and only wants the best for you. HE knows you inside and out...and right at this very moment He is preparing you and your future wife for each other. These things take time. So try to not get impatient. Because when we step out to do things on our own, without Him...they end up like your above testimony.

    I know it is not easy, but it's important for you to build your relationship with God. You will someday be the head of your household and you need to know exactly what it means and what God requires of you as a husband. Find all of the scriptures on marriage and how God desires for things to be. And then study Jesus, because the Word says that you are to love her exactly how Christ loves the church.

    Even though where you live will not encourage a love based relationship...God can intervene and still show you exactly who to ask for her hand in marriage. And when He does show you, as you pray and ask God to show you how to be a good husband, you will certainly be ahead of the game, and will be presenting her with the best you that God has to offer her. And it will become a very loving relationship for both of you, blessed by the Lord Himself.

    The pain that you feel is from the rejection, it happens to us all and is not pleasureable. Give it to God and He will help it to subside. Forgive her and ask God to bless her with the perfect man for her. This will open the doors for God to intervene in your own life.

    Blessings of peace and joy be yours in abundance!
     
  4. Hi Cturtle,

    Well! thanks for your reply. I would like to ask some thing from your reply message ."The first one is she must be of like faith, (as scripturally stated in the above post) and believe the same ways that you do, or very similar", well this is right. I'm accepting it absolutely. Even I had this same desire. But, I never had such feelings on any other girl what I had on this girl, even though there are many beautiful girls in this world. I don't know how I fell for her and why I fell for her.
    1. If our life partner should be of like faith, why that love shouldn't come on a like faith girl?
    2. Again with that same condition from 1, why did God allow this to happen? or out of my own desire?
    I couldn't understand this line, please explain "Even though where you live will not encourage a love based relationship...God can intervene and still show you exactly who to ask for her hand in marriage"

    Rejection doesn't look as a big deal for me. Why Should I forgive her? I didn't get it why you said this, because I told my wish to her and she refused but it is her own wish to accept or refuse. In this case for what should I forgive her.
    Finally,
    Can I ask God as her as my life partner? Here I had a small silly wish for me, Why shouldn't God change her for me ?

    Please don't think bad. I'm not against God. I'm completely for God only. Even I've dedicated my life to God. But, in this case I couldn't let it go. That's why I got so much of questions.

    Thanks.
     
  5. Welcome to CFS my friend; its good to have you here.
     
  6. Thank you!
     
  7. #7 aha, Mar 31, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2015
    Fall in Love?

    Be careful! When you fall, your feet is not on the ground!
    That is, it means your head is spinning and you are not thinking : )

    Seriously....
    Seems you're young, google "Infatuation" or wiki...
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infatuation
    Infatuation is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion or love. Hillman and Phillips describe it as a desire to express the libidinal attraction of addictive love.[1] Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.

    Have a checklist!
    Can cook well (/)
    Into expensive clothing and accessories (X)
    Respect people regardless of their status or background (/)
    Have unhealthy habit such as smoking (X)
    And of course, there are things we believe in that cannot be compromised with….

    ... hmmm, of course, a checklist is not assuring anything or of a blissful marriage.... Love takes work...
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  8. Wow Sampaul. Great questions! And thanks for asking me to explain. I'll use another color and respond after your questions below. Blessings!

    QUOTE="Sampaul, post: 396771, member: 15876" Hi Cturtle,

    Well! thanks for your reply. I would like to ask some thing from your reply message ."The first one is she must be of like faith, (as scripturally stated in the above post) and believe the same ways that you do, or very similar", well this is right. I'm accepting it absolutely. Even I had this same desire. But, I never had such feelings on any other girl what I had on this girl, even though there are many beautiful girls in this world. I don't know how I fell for her and why I fell for her. My suggestion then is to ask God to show you, what the right answer would be. Most of the time, it is the flesh or natural desire that is reacting....unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the feelings are from God.
    1. If our life partner should be of like faith, why that love shouldn't come on a like faith girl? No reason why it shouldn't
    2. Again with that same condition from 1, why did God allow this to happen? or out of my own desire. This really is something that you need to ask God. And as you spend time with Him, He can show you what His plan is for your life. (Matthew 6:33 and Jeremiah 29:11)
    I couldn't understand this line, please explain "Even though where you live will not encourage a love based relationship...God can intervene and still show you exactly who to ask for her hand in marriage" I took this from what you said in your post, about *****NOTE: She is not a believer in Christ and place where I'm living in this part of the World will never encourage for a love marriage.******

    Rejection doesn't look as a big deal for me. Why Should I forgive her? I didn't get it why you said this, because I told my wish to her and she refused but it is her own wish to accept or refuse. In this case for what should I forgive her. My assumption of why you were angry must have been wrong then. I thought that the reason why you were angry was because she turned you down. So i guess you will have to figure out why you were angry for 2-3 days.
    Finally,
    Can I ask God as her as my life partner? Here I had a small silly wish for me, Why shouldn't God change her for me ? If this is truly the one for you, then God can do a mighty work in her life to bring her to salvation. You can ask God if she is to be the one, certainly. But this may not be the one that He has planned for you. So commit your plans unto the Lord, and He will cause your thoughts to line up with His Word/Will so that all of your plans will be established and succeed proverbs 16:3 Amplified Bible.

    Please don't think bad. I'm not against God. I'm completely for God only. Even I've dedicated my life to God. But, in this case I couldn't let it go. That's why I got so much of questions.
    Be at peace Sampaul. I have no aught against you and do not think you are bad. The questions that you have are very good ones and very valid. You will get many opinions when you seek guidance from others, but if you really want to know what God has to say....He is the one for you to ask, and seek. Only in seeking Him and His Word and ways will you find the right path for you. And if He tells you something that you don't want to hear and you do things your own way then, your life will not be filled with His blessings and peace. This i have experienced.

    God loves you so very much and only wants the very best for His child, but we have to be willing to put Him and His will above all of our thoughts, plans and desires. And as we seek first His Kingdom and His ways of doing things and being right (or righteousness) then all the things that we desire will be added unto us. Matthew 6:33.

    God bless you brother! And i pray that the Lord will bless you in ways that are greater than you could ever imagine! Peace and joy, be yours in abundance!

    Thanks.
     
    Sampaul likes this.

  9. Well Thanks for your reply Cturtle. Anyway there could be many many options and choices but only God's plan and choices are the best. Thank You!!
     
    Cturtle likes this.
  10. Well Thanks for your reply Cturtle. Anyway there could be many many options and choices but only God's plan and choices are the best. Thank You!!
     
  11. Hi Again,
    I couldn't forget her. I could't let her go. I couldn't forget her. She is still standing in my eyes. Please help me on this. It is really a challenging one.
    thanks.
     
  12. #12 aha, Apr 2, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2015
    Imagine she does not like to cook, you arrive from work and you are very hungry and no food to eat…

    Or imagine, she is smoking heavily inside the house, it stinks with it carcinogenic fumes….

    Or imagine all she do is shopping, buying expensive clothing and accessories, just to impress her friends…

    Or she is scolding the waiter or restaurant manager for something she does not like, while you are dining…

    Or you like to talk about faith, about salvation, or about a song about steadfast love never ceases, and she is not interested on what you are talking about….

    Just imagine….. if one did not prepare the checklist properly : )
     
  13. Keep your head up, and keep on moving. I know it's hard, and I know your heart wants to be with her, but man's heart is deceptive.
    If you were to marry somebody who isn't saved. It would greatly discourage you, and cause a ton of conflict, especially since you are the man. If you are leading a household with Christ in mind, and living by faith, she wouldn't understand. She would get mad, convince you not to walk by faith and be a stumbling block.

    If you are lonely without her, you'd be lonely with her. We are always seeking satisfaction in people, be it by their opinion, their acceptance or their love. Yet we are never satisfied and the acceptance from man will never make us feel whole. That's because we must be satisfied with God, and God alone. Pursue him in your time of loneliness, I promise it is unimaginably more satisfying than any love a human can give.
     
    Cturtle and Sampaul say Amen and like this.
  14. thanks fr d reply.. let me try.
     

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