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cellulite and stretch-marks--I am scared!!!

Discussion in 'Sports, Games and Health' started by RegardingSable16, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. cellulite and stretch-marks--I am scared!!!

    Hello, I am Sable. As most of you know, I am 16-years-old, a devout-Believer in the One, True-God, and I am home-schooled.
    I have been battling weight, food, calories, muscle, fat, and cellulite since I was about 13. I have had times where my focus was COMPLETELY on how 'perfect' my body was, and other times where I KNEW my heart needed desperately to be on the Lord. :fish:
    I have had times where I thought I had FINALLY found the balance and, in turn, ruined everything. I am greived and saddened beyond imagination over how my body once looked....... I cannot help but feel I am COMPLETELY at fault for not having kept it my whole life.

    OFCOURSE, it all started when I was 12. I was 12 years-old, compassionate, kind-hearted, dedicated, and diligent, and well.... 4'11" and 89 lbs.(with my scale on zero-pounds, that is..) I HATED my body!!! We were always sent "Limited Too" catalogs in the mail, and I wanted sooooooooo much to be like these beautiful, happy, skinny-girls I saw modeling the clothes. However, I had ABSOLOUTELY NO IDEA how firm and muscular I was, looking back. My mom always said my legs were like 'freakin'-CONCRETE!!!' However, I never thought about muscle in those days, as I do now.
    So, I was 12, and I set out to lose weight and feel great---I went on a leaner program, ate less, and took REALLY, REALLY long-walks. I lost weight, ofcourse, but I ended-up losing TOO MUCH weight!!! I woke-up one morning, and decided to weigh myself---I weighed 79 lbs.!!!!!!!!:eek: Ofcourse, after that is when my eating-disorder began. I began eating little to nothing, being unable to take a walk, being obsessive about weighing myself, looking at my tiny-stomach in the mirror to see if I was 'fat,' and much more stupidity.
    So, I'll skip to the fall/winter that I was 15. I was eating ALOT ALOT ALOT of organic-oatmeal, broiled-salmon, steamed-veggies, and I was positively ADDICTED to my fresh-fruit smoothies!!!!!(that I made with non-fat frozen-yogurt, fresh-fruit, and juice) I started working-out in the gym obsessively, I would stay on the Stair-Climber until I had burnt about 350-500 calories and my face was bright-red. PLUS, in addition to my hour-long work-outs EVERDAY and no days off, I ALSO did regular 60-90 min. walks with my parents. I was 5'3" and 94 lbs. by that time. My body was sooooooooo perfect!!!:cool: I had TONS of lean-muscle, I mean, as firm as POSSIBLE, AND I was really, thin. So, ofcourse, that kind of physical-exersion at that intensity is extremely hard on the body, and I eventually encoutered a spinal-injury. So, I just stuck with the walking and gave-up the Stair-Climber.
    :D So, last spring/summer of 2007, I started to finally eat well and hearty EVERYTHING that was healthy and lean to eat, to try and build some muscle and still be trim and fit. I mean, I thought I was FINALLY finding a balance and maintaining my usual slimness. Well achieved it; I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO amazingly-perfect last summer you wouldn't even have believed it. I was strong, muscular, toned, slim, and I could eat ALOT!! :) I was eating ALOT of and was ADDICTED to and COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT: fruits; blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, peaches, bananas, oranges, apples, grapes, watermelon, cantalope, honey-dew, ect. vegetables; cauliflouer, broccoli, carrots, onions, squash, spinache, red-pepper, asparagus, ect.
    lean-protein; grilled-chicken, grilled turkey, broiled-salmon, baked-cod, almonds, organic-soynuts, ect. fiberous, oat-cereals and oatmeal; Barbara's Organic "Grainshop," Nature's Path Organic-oatmeals, raisin-bran, long-grain wild-rice, ect. low-fat or non-fat dairy; lite activia, dannon, skim-milk, non-fat frozen yogurt, ect.

    smoothie, and about a half-cup dry oaty-cereal;
    which I usually made with:
    dannon lowfat vanilla-yogurt, half-a-pound of blueberries, 2-3 medium-bananas, bluebunny nonfat frozen-yogurt, and Tropican orange-juice.
    and the cereal was usually raisin-bran and/or Barbara's Organic 'Grainshop'.
    I am not sure what I usually had in between but dinner was ALWAYS: grilled-chicken, or broiled-salmon, steamed-stir-fry vegetables, long-grain and wild-rice, and about a lb. of seedless-grapes for dessert.
    Beyond that, I rode my bike because I LOVED it, I did the treadmill with my mom everyday, we still took regular-walks because we LOVED and NEEDED to, and I had NOOOOOOO trouble whatsoever maintaining my 5'4" 105-110 lb.-frame.
    So, do you want to know WHY I do not look like this anymore???? Because I KNEW how amazing I looked and felt, I did NOT possess the wisdom to take care of it, held on to it for dear-life, DID NOT release it to God for HIS-use, trashed-it, and allowed my emptiness, boredom and deep-seeded, unfelt-anger to be in the driver's-seat of my life. Now, I have since trashed the beauty that I once had, the body that was once mine, and the prosperous-blessings that my Merciful-Lord bestowed upon me!!!!!!!!!!!:mad: Now, I am ugly, and disgraceful, and I have stretch-marks and cellulite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the ugliest and the heaviest that I have ever been in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to enter into ANOTHER SUMMMER for the first time with HORRIBLE-LEGS!!!!! I have-to continue on, and persevere through this Hell that I have created. EVERY TIME I was able to eat plenty, enjoy the exercise which I loved, and lose weight, build strength and tone, I RUINED IT!!! I AM DESTRUCTIVE AND I RUIN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!:mad: I CANNOT STOP WHERE MY LIFE IS HEADED!!!!! I am scared and I do not spend time with God, anymore. I do not want to be seen outside of the house. I have some muscle, and cellulite and stretch-marks that disappear when I start working on it. But I am TIRED!!!! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF WORKING ON THIS!!!!! I HAVE BURNT MYSELF OUT!!!! I am in deep, deep despair, greif and torment over how I once looked, how tired I am, how ugly I am, how sick I am, and how I do not live for Jesus. I have nothing in me for this life!!! I look at other girls with PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT bodies and realize, I use-to look like that too!!!! I am devastated, my heart is heavy, my eyes are weary, and I am fat. Please pray for me to be as balanced as Jesus; I fear I may never get there. I have driven myself, worn myself, and lived for my body WAY WAY too long. I do not know the first step in taking good care of my body, but I cannot continue to take my rage out on myself, anymore. I have sooooooooooo many problems and issues to be sorted-out; I do not know where to begin. Please, please, please pray for me and have compassion :groupray: on me, eventhough I am a disgrace!!!! I have-to start having time with God, and trust Him that He has the answers through this seemingly-impossible trial. By-the-way, I am pretty muscular and I am 5'5-6" and I weigh about 150 lbs, :eek: now. I know what a tradgedy. ***sobs***

    Sincerely Sable

    I have much, much sin in my life---God doesn't prosper sin, I know that. I just want to be healthy, happy and balanced!!! I want to have my heart and eyes on Jesus Christ!!! I want to work-out and eat lean!!! I want to wear my white-blouses an denim-shorts soooooooo badly!!!!!!
  2. I would say I know how you feel...but if you are 5/6 and 150, I seriously think you are being WAY too hard on yourself. That's NOT heavy, fat, flabby, or anything else by any means. I bet there are tons of people reading this that are downright jealous. I'm jealous.

    I will tell you this, self-loathing will not help any. God has a purpose for you, and Satan will do everything he can to undermine that purpose. I've been there...actually, I'm not sure I've ever been anywhere BUT there.

    About 3 months ago, I weighed 250 lbs. I was hopelessly stuck in a rut, and was straying pretty far away from God. But He brought me back. I just had to be willing to hand it all over to Him and not try to hold onto anything. I began walking every day for about 15-20 minutes, and slowly worked that up over the past months. Walking faster, then running, and eventually adding in weight training and swimming. Right now, I'm at about 180, and I've lost over 10 inches around my waist. You need to feel good about YOU first. You need to learn to love who you are and the things that you do like about yourself. Because if you can't love yourself at 150, you won't love yourself at 100.

    And you can talk about how you ruin things all you want, but it's hard for me to see. I've made a grand mess of a lot of things in my life. I literally TRIED to destroy my life at one point. But, in the ruins, I've found a new life. I miss my family because I lost everything, but I'm a much better person and have grown a lot since then. I can never regain what I've lost, but I can hope for a new, more Godly future.
  3. There is a lot to be said for getting in shape. You feel better and it boosts your confidence level.
    Before I was so beat up I used to alternate resistance training(weights) and aerobics (bike riding or running) and the weight would simply melt off. One important thing to remember is that God loves you right now (and so do we in Jesus Name). If you want to loose the weight that is a good and healthy choice but you are unique and special just as you are.
  4. Don't do anything stupid like atkins or starve yourself. Certain "diets" lack certain things you need, and especially if you're workign out, your body will eventually decide it's starvign, even though it's just deprived of a certain thing or two, and so youll eat and eat and won't be satisfied, but will gain weight.

    Exercise and workout is best too. IT's hard to start out, but gets much easier and fun. You could easily start out say your pushups, you can do 10 and its hard, but after doing them for a while and pushign yourself you'll be doing 30 easy and feeling good about it. And you'll start feeling and looking better quicker than you might think.

    I've been losing weight lately and working out, but I see now that it's going to be much easier while walking close with God. You don't have to concentrate on it you concentrate on what God says and it comes naturally.

    This reminds me I need to weigh myself but we don't have a scale. I have no idea what I weigh now

    Are those stretchmark scars permanent?
  5. It is sad that we have developed a culture where body image is idolized, measuring one's worth by the standard of a "graven image" of idealized physical perfection. The truth is, we have a body for our use in this short span of temporal life. Age, injury, disease, wear and tear, etc. all take their toll and in the end, we die. Then, we are given the body which is the perfect expression of who we are in Jesus. This body will last forever, never aging or deteriorating; always the reflecting the glory of God's creative beauty.

    Until that day, of course, it is well to take good care of our bodies so as to optimize our ability to live for Him, here. But we should keep in mind that these bodies are temporary, given for our use, not for our worship. To serve, not to be served.

    When a potter begins his work, he is not focused on the dumpy, lumpy clump of clay on his wheel, he is envisioning the lovely vessel it will become as he kneads it and spins it and shapes it and puts it in the fire. God sees the vessel He intends for you to be. Entrust yourself to His capable hands, and He will mold you into a unique expression of His glorious perfection.
  6. I suspect youre far more critical of yourself than you ought to be, though most people often are.
    I could call myself fat if i wanted to as well, though i know very few people would agree. A few years ago i was far heavier, but one day i decided i had had enough. So i cut down on the amount i ate, and increased my level of activity. Lost about 40lbs as a result, bringing me down to about 170 on a 5'10" medium build frame. Once or twice i went 20lbs up again, but mostly ive stayed leveled off at that 170 whether im active or not. I know i could still burn off another 10 or 15lbs, and i often think about how proud id be to look that ripped. But, despite those few extra pounds, i know i still look good. Sure, i see the perfect bodies and long to have that, but i know the happiness that would accompany that would be mainly superficial. True happiness comes from within and works its way outward. Ive spent the last few years working on finding that happiness within myself, as i used to be very insecure in my younger years. It starts with the decision to start being happy with yourself. It takes time, but its worth it. I know ive made great progress over the years, and i couldnt be happier to have made that decision. Theres still work to be done, but i cant imagine what my life would be like if i was still carrying around those extra insecurities.
  7. Thank you, VERY much for your kind-words, and NO stretch-marks (ESPECIALLY since I DO have some muscle and I work-out) are NOT permanent. They go when you lose weight.
    It's not a problem of 'knowing or 'not knowing' how to lose weight---I think it has to do more with the spiritual 'attitude' that I take to it. I do not see myself (or ANYONE else) through God's-eyes, like I should. You see, I have been VERY fit ALL MY LIFE up until a few months ago, so when I just put even a little effort into it, I go down. I do not know exactly what this struggle (in my case) is all about---I feel very confused and lost and ashamed over how dumb my struggle is! I feel stupid praying over it. I mean, I want to be fit, active, eat moderately, and be as balanced as Christ is for HIS Glory and not for mine. I just wish I could figure out why I AM so self-destructive. I idolize body-image; I do not wake-up for Christ, I wake-up for myself, my happiness, and the hope that someday I will have a super-fit, toned-body to be happy about.
    OFCOURSE, I look at these things SOOOOOO badly, but it's where I am, presently. Will you please pray for me?? Me and my mom have prayed soooooooo many times together over this issue alone, but I don't think it helped much.
    You know, I think THAT is what it is---it's not my body that's in error, it's the way I see myself and food, and body-image. I think it's a problem of not putting Christ on throne of my life, and then not seeing weight-loss, muscle, food, ect. clearly.
  8. Amen Jesus should reign in every area of our thought life.

    Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
  9. Hey Regarding!:)

    I remember some of the things that were important to me when I was your age: Was Wham! really going to break up? What if I flunked my driver's test, how long would I have to wait before I could try again? I had a big crush on so-and-so and to be with them would be all I needed to be truly happy!

    Today those things don't matter anymore, heh. Thank my Lord.:eek:

    It's good to eat healthy and exercise! I'm proud of you! You're taking care of your body, and you're going to reap the benefits down the road. However, be careful as to why you're doing this.

    If you're doing this for other people, it's wrong. If you're doing this to look like someone else that you see all the time on TV, it's wrong. If you're doing this to be sexy for the boys, it's wrong. If you're doing this just because your doctor told you to, then it's wrong.

    Do it for yourself, my Friend. You deserve that, you're such a good person! Do this for your Lord God! He deserves it as well, and He will even help you and guide you when He sees that you're doing this for Him. Nobody else should matter - boyfriends, superstars on TV, American Idol, Barbie, doctors, tabloid reporters...nobody. Just God and you. Concentrate on that, put it into your mind.

    When I was 300 pounds, I knew that I was in trouble. I began eating just enough to stay alive while spending hours in my gym at home. I dropped weight fast! Whooo!

    But I realized that I wasn't doing it for the right reason. I began getting compliments from my friends and family. Suddenly, I noticed a big difference on how people were reacting to me in public. I was getting smiles! Winks! That fed my ambition!;)

    I was doing it for everybody else in the world but for me. But for God. I realized that was wrong, and so I had to reset myself.

    You're an important person, a child of God. You are His creation. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine. Do it for Him above all others, and then do it for yourself. Nevermind other people. Work on this shell that God gave you, and give Him all of the glory in the end.

    About stretchmarks...go to the store and buy a little bottle of vitamin E capsules. They're squishy with a liquid center. You can pop these or pierce the end. Rub the liquid where you might be noticing stretchmarks.

    Bodybuilders do this with their arms and thighs after they work out, because biceps and quads can grow so large that the skin no longer fits around them and begins stretching. They even sell vitamin E in a roll-on like antiperspirant...but it's the same stuff as the liquid inside the capsules.

    Don't stop doing good for God! You're on the right path!:D

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