Can't Spoil A Baby

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by joshhuntnm, May 29, 2013.

  1. I made an off hand statement I have always been taught was true: you can't spoil a baby. I mean infant -- new born. What I took the statement to mean is once a kid gets about 18 month and their will goes toe to toe with your, you can spoil that child. but, before that, give them all the love and attention you have.

    Someone disagreed with me when I said this. What do you think? Can you spoil a baby?
    christianbacktobasics likes this.
  2. I think the 'spoiling' part has to end when 'independence' is realized; it comes in stages-and I don't think it ends until your dead.

    What I mean is; an infant can't do anything, not even grasp a bottle; but then the baby learns to hold the bottle by themselves and the parent relinquishes that piece of independence to the alien...I mean baby.

    Then the mutant spawn, I mean wonderful child begins to pick up other things in stages becoming more independent and the parent gives up more of the child's independence; like, walking, communicating, eating solid food, etc...

    It is the same with our spiritual growth (tangent relating to the Bible); We are super dependent on God as newborn baby Christians at salvation. We go through stages as Christians learning as we go; but at some point we have to take faith and make it our own-it isn't just the words in a book-but Life and Truth and we have to live it to really experience it.

    Much like our children-they have to 'live it'. BUT when a new stage is reached we must set boundaries for protection-which is what God does for us spiritual; we must do this physically for our children. When they learn to walk-we don't let them walk where ever they want do we? That would be spoiling (and putting them in danger). Like God does with us; He sets up stumbling blocks; opens and closes doors in our 'walk' with Christ.

    So as far as I see; can you 'spoil' an infant? Not really-but you can bread rebellion by not setting up boundaries early in life as they go through stages. In my opinion.

    (I really do love my daughter by the way-but she is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much like her father....) :D
    autumn oddity likes this.
  3. Well, it depends on how "permanent" you consider spoiling. If you answer a baby's cry every time the baby cries, you shouldn't be surprised that your baby will cry often and be harder to placate. I would generally consider that to be spoiled, but it is a matter of perspective to decide how good/bad that is. Generally, people who "spoil" their babies in this way continue to spoil them later, and if they don't, the transition can be pretty harsh.
  4. Babies need a loving and responsive parent but as they grow older, they also need to be allowed to explore other people and places and feel confident, so parenting is a really tricky job :)
  5. No I don't think you can spoil an infant.
  6. Whoever says that doing that to a baby child means spoiling is a rude person who doesn't care about children. Giving love and attention to a baby is not spoiling.
  7. I am trying to figure this out myself right now. Our first son just turned 11 months old, and I keep trying to figure out where to draw the line as he gets older.

    One example--when changing his diaper he is perfectly happy as long as he can rip up toilet paper (this is a trick my wife learned by accident one day). If he doesn't have that, sometimes he screams and squirms the whole time. I have tried replacing it with other toys, but he definitely prefers ripping toilet paper to shreds.

    So is it spoiling if I give him the toilet paper so we're both happy during the changing process? Or is it time to start teaching him that he can't get away with everything and that crying is not the best way to get what he wants? And if not now, when is the magical age to start putting some rules into place?
  8. A warning before I start typing: I used to know everything about parenting. However, the older I get, the less of everything I know.

    When a baby cries, there is a good reason: hunger, need for a diaper change, boredom, the need for love, the need for assurance, illness, etc. Once these needs are met, the baby is usually content. But I would not hold that baby all the time, for fear of spoiling the child by making the baby too dependent, when the baby should be starting to learn the little tidbits of autonomy appropriate for the child's age. My babies, for example, were often content to sit in their "Pumpkin Seat," "Johnny-Jump-Up" (both now outlawed), or in the swing where they could see me while I worked about my house. There were times, however, when I put them in a sling I tied about my body, in my baby-backpack, or just sat and held them. They need all these things.
  9. I spoiled my kids as much as I could. I bought them everything I could. I told them I loved them all the time no matter how old they were. Now that they are all grown up they are spoiling me with more than I need, and I am loving it. If you love your kids and spoil them they will reciprocate. :) Does not our Heavenly Father give us things we do not deserve? He has spoiled us to no end, and he has given all things richly to enjoy. Teach and show love and you will receive love back. Now that I have grand kids my heart has soared even farther then when I had my kids. Spoiling my grand kids is even more fun. :)
  10. Mr. CC, you are such a sweetheart. How dare I disagree? But I will, with a story, if I may. Just a little. A teensy bit. Okay?

    After the age of 8.5 until I got a job, because of familial problems, I had very little, and I learned that I owned nothing: "my" things could and did disappear without notice. So as a young mother, I gave my children everything. One day, I was cleaning up in the children's play room, surrounded by my 4-yr-old daughter's things -- a doll taller than she was, a fabulous metal complete kitchen with running water, her motorized red convertible, etc. I saw one of her toys, broken, lying on the carpet. I asked her, "What happened?"
    "I broke it. You'll just buy me another one," she replied.
    I was silent -- thinking that through, looking at all her beautiful things.
    I answered, "No. I won't." I went into an explanation that she could understand.
    Things changed that day, and my daughter benefited by my lesson learned, as did our tiny son, who did not have to learn as harsh a lesson as our daughter did.

    Admittedly, my very young husband was killed not long after this incident, and our income was cut, but we were fortunate that we had learned this important lesson before this, so the financial lesson, after his passing, was not as severe as it could have been. But we needed this lesson regardless.
  11. I agree with you. One of the best Christmas I had with my young kids was when I was out of work because of the economy that took a dive, so my wife and I went to the dollar tree and bought my kids some cheap toys. When they opened there presents on Christmas all they could do is scream for joy. They had just as much fun with a dollar toy then something costing much more.
    I am sure you would have done anything to make your daughter happy if you could have. Like my kids always said when I was broke, come on dad just write a check! :)
    christianbacktobasics likes this.
  12. Ah! Now, I understand what you intend by your giving them everything you possibly could! Thank you.
  13. Speaking as a man with a 2 year old and a 1 year old, i couldn't agree with you enough. Our 2 year old is very switched on now and does require a bit of discipline here and there but otherwise, we've spoiled our babies every single chance we've got!!! We just looked upon it as this is one of the most important times of there lives, their absolute foundation as an infant and we've hoped to provide a Godly, loving and peaceful environment for them so brother I agree fully. God bless to you and yours.....
  14. Hi there, I feel for you! My son David is 13mths now and he hates having his nappy changed, I get a sinking feeling when it was time to change it, sometimes I even resorted to letting him watch a video on my phone which would keep his focus for a wee while. I have even learnt how to change his nappy while he's standing up! They just don't like to have to be still since they've learnt how to move. I dont believe this is spoiling him. I promise you this is a passing phase they all go through it, my daughter is allmost 2 and a half and she did the same and they eventually just accept that it's going to happen. Take a deep breath, sing a song and keep going till he's changed:D
    TezriLi likes this.

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