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Cannot Figure Out What To Do

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by naomanos, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. My wife and I need counseling and in a hurry. However, everything that I have looked at is too expensive for us. With us only surviving off of my wife's disability, what we can afford doesn't come close to what these places want.

    Our last hope was someplace that has services for low income people, but because we have medicaid share-of-cost, they have to charge us full price, not a lower fee because we are low income. The first visit is $160.00. Then $73.00 thereafter, and we have to travel over 20 miles for the sessions in old beat-up cars, that get horrible gas mileage.

    I called my parish, but they referred me to Catholic charities and Catholic charities, at least in my neck of the woods has shut down their counseling program. All the other churches in the area all charge way too much for counseling. They want at least $75.00 an hour.

    What we have are communication issues that we cannot seem to resolve on our own. We have had communication issues pretty much all 4 years that we have been married and they are just getting worse.

    I believe we are on the verge of divorce.

    I have heard of retrouvaille, but they are over $100 and the closest ones to us are all over 50 miles away. If we only had to go once it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is six weeks after the initial weekend. They are just too far away.

    I was able to find counseling online for $18 a month, but she turned it down saying she wanted it to in-person.
  2. I happen to agree with your wife. It's better to meet with someone face to face, that way, they can see your emotions and better understand what you're going through. I say pray to The Lord and see what He has to say about this. God bless you, and I hope your marriage gets better, not worse.
  3. Prayer is something that I have done constantly, as has my wife, and He is silent.
  4. Hmmm... I don't think I could recommend a counselor. But I would say one of the best things anyone can do is apply Christlike attributes to their lives. The Savior set the perfect example for us by the way He lived. He taught some very important things like: Faith: in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.
    Hope: or an abiding trust in the Lord.
    Charity: which is the pure love of Christ.
    Love: Loving kindness to everyone.
    Virtue: a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards.
    Knowledge: Through study and prayer, seek help for you specific questions, challenges and opportunities.
    Patience: the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated or anxious.
    Humility: is willingness to submit to the will of the Lord and to give the Lord the honor for what is accomplished.
    Diligence: is steady, consistent, earnest, and energetic effort in doing the Lord's work.
    Obedience: is the first law of Heaven. All blessings rely on obedience to God's commandments.

    I don't know exactly how you feel. But Jesus Christ does. He is there to help. So is our Heavenly Father. He always answers prayers, not in our time or our way, but He always answers.

    I know that God lives and wants each of us to be happy. I have seen in my own life that as I apply these Christlike attributes, I see how much I change, and how much happier I can be.

    Also, there is a document about the family if you'd be interested :)
  5. Free consoling and download. Has helped a lot of marriages keep it together. Something to get started on while you believe God for money to pay someone. Wife and I tried paid counseling but this is scripture only and only thing that got us both to see things according to the Word. Counseling normally turns into a He said or She said, wanting the Pastor to agree with either Party making one spouse right and the other wrong. As a Pastor that has also been my experience with couples, they want to use me to dump all their issues on about all the wrongs of the spouse and it's not right.

    Free and worth hearing about Marriage. You can download or call and request the Hard copy free of charge shipping paid for.


    Kurt75 and KingJ say Amen and like this.

  6. I will give it a try, but considering we have heard sermon son marriage many times, and I have read scriptures dealing with marriage many times, as has my wife, it hasn't really helped much.

    What we need is practical tools that we can use. We also need a mediator who sees the issues from both sides and works with us to solve those communication difficulties. They can give us those practical tools that we can use.
  7. I understand your frustrations. That teaching is straight word though and a bit different than what your use to.

    As a Pastor who has talked with couples in trouble, I found that the only issues on both sides is both couples not doing what the Word says do. The problem was digging through all the back pain and emotional hurt enough to try to get one or both people focused on Jesus again and treating each other as we are instructed.

    1Pe_3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

    An example scripture where as a man I don't want my prayers hindered, so I would rather have power in prayer than to yell or get upset at the wife, even if she is doing dumb things. My prayer time needs to be more important than any wrongs or evils I need to point out about the wife.

    There are also trigger issue I avoid. Triggers are things I know will cause her to get mad or hurt her feelings. We know what these things are but tend to use them on each other and it's not right.

    The other issue I have had is couples don't seem to think they are the ones with the issue, it's always the other spouse. If I can just get one spouse to get in line with scripture we have a victory. Getting in line means you would rather please God than be right and hurt your spouse.

    This takes maturity in the Lord and you can get that by biting your tongue and practicing it.

    Way back in 1997 my wife went off with another man. I want you to stay encouraged because if you focus on the Word, God can fix it. It just takes one to submit to the Word and believe. I still have that same wife today and the marriage is great, but it was not always that way and in a complete mess. Nothing is impossible, but someone has to do what the Word says do.

    Do what the teaching says do. There are lots of testimonies of fixed marriages from that CD.

    You can make it :)

  8. I, myself, don't care for counseling professionals as they are usually driven by other motives.

    What I prefer to do is find counseling at a church that wouldn't be asking for money. That would be a business.

    One thing I try is sitting, face to face, with no distractions, no tv on, and looking eye to eye with each other, and genuinely talking. And intently listening to each other. Putting each other in the others position.

    Just my thoughts on the matter.
  9. We have tried that, the eye to eye thing, and it quickly devolved into an argument where she walked out and didn't come home that night, but rather stayed at her mom's house.

    She wants a mediator, that much I am certain of and I am trying to please her by finding one.
  10. Roger dodger. Then my next suggestion would be, change it up. All to often relationships get ordinary. Try something new maybe. Also, don't be a needy whimp. Try being funny and a little cocky.

    If a woman see's you a weak, IMO, it's all over then.

    Just my input, I'm not there, and filter my comments through your spirit. And continue to pray. I'll pray right now for you, and my best wishes to you naomanos and your lady.
  11. Thank you very much for your advice and prayers.
    dUmPsTeR likes this.
  12. Do you have a Salvation Army nearby? I don't know about other places, but here in Australia, many Salvos offer free Christian counseling to families, and if they don't have their own counseling service, Salvos churches/centers are really good at being informed of local services they can refer people to.
  13. I do yes, I will give them a call.
  14. Unfortunately I don't have any advice or ideas, but I'll certainly offer my prayers.
  15. Our Pastor will do counseling for the tithing members of our Church at no additional cost; of course he says 'you get the best counseling you need Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday evening.'
  16. I am not saying you musn't get counseling. But, as the man you can counsel and lead your wife into truth.

    Truth = You both love Jesus. Therefore there is ALWAYS real anointing that will draw you both closer if you just 'hang in there'!!!!!

    You should both desire to submit to Him and put His will above your own! DESPITE anything!!!!! The ONLY grounds for divorce is if there is adultery. As that shows that you have no heart left for your wife! No heart = 100% disrespect = physical and mental abuse. No adultery = phase of suffering = come out stronger on the other end if you both hang in there! If she leaves for any other reason she is defiling God. That has to sink in first and foremost in both your minds!

    Divorcing for any grounds other then adultery is an extreme sin. Staying divorced whilst there was no adultery is staying in an extreme sin. For a Christian to stay in an extreme sin when they know the truth = grieve the Holy Spirit = hell.

    Marriage is not to be taken likely by anyone! I say if she does and leaves you after you have told her the truth and offered to put your MUTUAL effort in, then let her go. The sooner she reveals no depth of love for the truth / Jesus, the better off you are. God has someone else. Christianity and our love for the truth cannot be faked. Desire to please God is either > our selfish desires (heaven) or it isn't (hell). Many will be in hell. This must stop surprising us. God puts us through rough times to see if we love the truth / Him, duh. Even God is not sure. It pleases Him to give us free will and it pleases Him to test us with it. Remind your wife of Job as well. Except that in hers and your case the test from God are sticking at marriage.

    Praying for you!
    MichaelH likes this.
  17. I will tell you what she has told me. She does not care if divorce is sin, she only cares about her happiness. She knows that divorce is not the unforgivable sin and that she can divorce me and ask for forgiveness and God will grant it to her. When I tell her that is false, she tells me that she doesn't care and that God wants her happy.

    She does care for me to lead her into anything. She does not believe that I am at a point in my walk where I can lead her into any truth. This is why I don't read the Bible with her, because time and time again she will argue with me about what we read. That her understanding is superior to mine. So I study the Bible on my own.

    I have reminded her of Job, she doesn't care.
  18. hi naomanos, nice of you to care enough
    about what's happening to your marriage to ask for advise.
    that's a good start.....:)
    i had some friends yrs ago who where having problems in their marriage.
    they were advised to sit down, face to face, with no distractions,
    and communicate each day. this session was preceded by a prayer.
    another thing, i once heard that helps is to enter a writing relationship.
    this was yrs ago, and people wrote letters then.
    now we have wonderful email options.
    if you and she likes to write, this might help to work thru some issues.
    when writing, one thinks first, then writes. (there's always edit).
    when speaking, the thinking part is not always first......:(
    God be with you nao.........i know where you are.......:)
  19. Sorry for late reply, I meant to tell you about someone I knew. She said and thought almost exactly like your wife. She did leave her husband but temporarily. She came back to the Lord inside and returned to her husband.

    God brought you two together. If she walks out, she walks out on God too. God will do His best to draw her back to Him and you in the process. She is not thinking right at the moment. You know this and God knows this. God is very gentle, but rest assured if she does something silly, He will remind her clearly of the truth and His will. Just you, don't do anything silly! Stay a good God fearing husband. She will come to her senses!

  20. Thank you KingJ for the encouraging words.

    I do my best each day, but I do fail at times, but I know God is there to pick me back up again and He always tells me to keeping looking forward and up.

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