Can this marriage be saved? Sorry- this got pretty long, though I’ve tried to be as brief and concise as I can... I don’t expect to ever have a blissful marriage- I know I’m paying for the consequences of my own dumb, sinful decisions, though my wife is a very kind, unassuming, and mostly selfless woman. Through bad judgment and a series of poor decisions, 14 years ago I married a woman who I am sure is not the mate the Lord had in mind for me, and we had little in common. We were both in our late 30’s, and neither of us had been married before. We have a wonderful son in 6th grade. At the time we were married, I was a believer, but definitely not walking with God. My wife was not and (by her own reluctant admission) still isn’t a believer. I’m basically a type A who needs to talk openly and freely about feelings- if there’s a problem, concern or disagreement, I need to get it out in the open, talk about it, and try to achieve a fair resolution that works for both sides. My wife however, is very much afraid of her own emotions. She seems to see any subject with potential emotional weight as threatening and ‘runs away’ emotionally. It’s as though she’s afraid she might give something away if she shows (or feels?) disagreement, disappointment or, God forbid, anger. She clams up and refuses to talk about it, and if I try to pursue the subject, no matter how gently or tactfully, she breaks into tears. When this happens, she’s crying and I feel like an ogre. I also feel angry and deeply hurt- like she’s walled off a big part of herself from me. As might be expected, this situation puts most serious personal communication off limits for us. I would so like to know exactly what she believes about God, sin, eternity, salvation etc, but this is just one of many places where we just don’t go. The bottom line is, I feel extremely frustrated, hurt, and angry most of the time. I’m worn out from trying to push these feelings down for our son’s sake and for the sake of a normal home life. I do try to be genuinely affirming- she truly has many fine qualities. She however, seems oblivious to any possible need I may have for affirmation or affection. She’s pretty much a day-to-day person who apparently doesn’t seem to think much beyond what to fix for dinner. In 18 months of counseling with a Christian psychologist we talked at length about her fear of expressing emotions and my hurt, frustration and need for honest, open communication. From our talks at the time, it seemed like she got it, but nothing really changed. There is no infidelity involved. I absolutely hate myself for it, but the truth is, I don’t know if I ever really loved her, and as much as I want to, I don’t know if I ever can- I can’t just generate love, especially with the relationship so corroded by hurt and anger. I feel even worse because at heart she really is a very kind and gentle woman. Even as I type this I feel rotten with guilt like I’m being self centered and judgmental. I can’t leave- God hates divorce and He commands us to love our wives. Besides, I promised ‘for better or for worse’. I’m saved solely by Jesus’ shed blood, but still, I know that God expects and commands much, much better from me than this. . I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know how long I can go on like this.