Can God Confirm Your Spouse At Very Different Times?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by maria elena, Apr 21, 2013.


Can God confirm your spouse at VERY different times?

  1. yes

    1 vote(s)
  2. no

    0 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. I have been involved with another Christian man for the last four years of my life. He has two children from a previous marriage, and I have a daughter from a previous marriage. I wasn't ready to be involved with him when we first met. Although I had been single for two years, I wasn't ready to love or receive love, because I had been in an emotionally abusive marriage. My boyfriend knew that I wasn't ready, so he ran circles around me, and fearfully loved me, just to keep me. This worked, although uncertainty haunted me and caused me to end the relationship four or more times. Every one of those times, I sought to date other men, even though I was still emotionally attached to my boyfriend. I never actually dated, but he eventually read my text messages and it hurt him very badly every single time. I admit that this was wrong of me as a Christian, because I should have sought the Lord instead. Every time we got back together, my boyfriend would say, "can't you see, that God made us to be together?". I thought he was attempting to manipulate me, but I see now that God had confirmed it in his life SEVERAL times throughout the years.
    The last time we broke up was last July. We had been going to premarital counseling with our pastors, and I started a women's ministry. God was progressing me and growing me RAPIDLY, and my ex wasn't seeking the Lord like I was. He never proposed to me, and I waited for him for over a year (no nagging, just waiting). Finally, I came to the realization that he just wasn't going to propose, and thats why we broke up in July. I realized that we weren't progressing to marriage. Since then, we have both dated and moved on. I kept my sexual integrity, because I desperately want and need God's will to be carried out in my life. He dated somebody and kept his sexual integrity as well - although the entire time he had been dating - he reached out to me on several ocassions how much he loved and missed me. At the time, I felt like he wasn't in acceptance that perhaps, us being together just wasn't God's will.
    After dating other people didn't work out - we saw each other at church in March. I asked him if it was possible for us to be atleast friends, because we were seeing each other without saying hi to each other. He called me that night and told me how much he loved me. How God told him that he was going to make him suffer to be strong for me. He was accountable for not putting God first in our relationship, and he sounded like a different, more dignified, more Godly man. I was accountable as well. There were so many things that i failed to do, to assure him that he could trust me. I broke his trust during our relationship, and I regret it deeply. We began to date, and talk about marriage again. God broke my heart WIDE OPEN FOR HIM. I have been in a state of repentance for a month. Fasting, praying, seeking God's direction and repenting of all of the wrongs and hurts I've caused in this man's life. I want God to change me and mold me into the FEARLESSLY LOVING WIFE, putting pride and fear aside, the woman he wants me to be. This heart preparation is for me, but it is also for my husband.
    NOW I'M BROKEN. My ex told me that he just doesen't have the same feelings for me - but I KNOW he does. He loves me to pieces. He went from talking about marriage and loving me, and two days later, saying that his feelings have changed and he doesn't have peace moving forward. That he doesn't want to interact with me and that he needs more time to see IF THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS, without leading me on, or having FALSE feelings because of the moment. It has been two weeks.
    I feel like I'm dying, and I am, to my old self. And I'm confused because ONLY GOD could have broken my heart open for Himself and my husband. OUT OF NOWHERE, I just want to pour my love all over this man. I want to love him the way I've never loved him, and give him the love he's worthy of. I want to follow him, and go wherever he goes. I have told him the heart change that I'm under going. He's aware of everything.
    Is this relationship beyond reconcile? If God confirms things at different times, does this mean it isn't from God? Why would God break my heart open now? What is your opinion on the situation? Is there still hope?
  2. Two weeks is a short time after his having 4 years of your indecision. I admire your sexual integrity; that makes a heap of difference.

    Perhaps the Lord is teaching you many things about yourself that requires you to be alone. I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that this gent is "yours", but a cat and mouse game (in any man's eyes) even if unintentional is very hard to bear. Perhaps the Lord wants you to feel the indifference your boyfriend may have felt coming from you.

    No matter what, God does have the perfect mate for you, but I have no clue who that could be, however your contrition and deeper walk will open the doors, just don't have any expectations, as He knows better.
    maria elena likes this.
  3. Hi Rusty -
    Jeez thanks for your honesty. Yes, the Lord is pulling so much junk out of me. He's breaking me down, breaking me open, giving me the courage to be vulnerable and weak, giving me the courage to submit to Him. Giving me the courage to HAVE HOPE!!! I'm realizing that I've been too afraid to hope for the best, it was way too risky for me. Isn't that sad? I'm so grateful that during this time, God is showing me these shortcomings that have worked against me and my relationship. It would be SO ARROGANT for me to say, that this is the ONE AND ONLY MAN FOR ME BECAUSE GOD CONFIRMED IT AND THATS THAT. However, God broke my heart open for him in a way that I have no control over, and he has confirmed that this process is for my ex mate. This has been confirmed in my dreams, 5 of them in the last two weeks! He's also giving me hope, and confidence (which isn't natural for me. I'm fighting to keep this hope, my mind automatically goes to assuming the negative). My ex told me that he needs more time to see IF this is what he wants. I assured him that I'm not going anywhere, and that I'm going to let God keep preparing my heart for him (this isn't natural either,normally I'd date and move the heck on). God wants me to do things different - he's changing me. My heart is for my ex, and him only. I accept the fact that there is a chance my ex just won't be able to trust me anymore, and this love that God has given me that is specifically for him will have to be used somewhere else. BUT, it isn't correct or right, but it's something that God can make work through his grace. It's interesting, because for YEARS my ex tried to explain this to me, i just didn't get it. These revelations are coming to me, and I pray that it isn't too late. BUT, until he says those words and lets me know that it is too late, I will stay true to my word and wait, and let God keep working in me. It's hardcore stuff, and Ive never been in waiting. It's very uncomfortable, painful, and challenging. I don't doubt that this is where God wants me to be. Not alot of people have been in this situation, but I'm grateful that I God has put people in my life who understand the process.
    Rusty likes this.
  4. Heart warming report; keep your hand in His!
  5. I'm not satisfied RUSTY - tell me more!! And give me suggestions. Please. You gave me real talk - that God is basically giving me a taste of my own medicine. Well, my medicine tastes like crap!! But I would appreciate any suggestions you have for me. Thank you.
  6. Just keep praying and walking like He wants you to. It won't do any good to chase him, ignore him or anything like that...Just let God show you daily what to do.What you do may change by the day or the week or the month.
    Pray silently for each day's direction about this case and focus on what He says....That means, don't just pray and get up. Try waiting to hear Him, not a voice, but the leading of His Spirit. Perhaps those dreams were just that; I have no idea.

    The Lord lead me to my wonderful wife when I was 44 years old. It was worth every second of that wait.

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