Breaking Up Due To Respect Issues? What About Conformity?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Ms.Angela, May 4, 2013.


Do you think true love can be based by loving also his/her faith?

  1. No, because love and religion is a different thing

    0 vote(s)
  2. Yes, because as Partners in Christ you both have to grow serving one Master

    2 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. please help.. I'm 21 years old on the verge of loosing my first love.

    I met him during college years and we became best of friends. Courted me for two years and though we are not officially as a couple, we had a mutual understanding for two years.. I am a believer and I have the passion to serve God with excellence in music and children's ministry. and I can see he's opening his heart to accept him and attended Christian church. we do bible studies, pray together and I am happy that we decided to grow together with the Lord.

    until we graduated college and everything seems to change..

    back then he's telling me that he's worried for the salvation of his parents, he's wondering of the persecution he encountered with his mother. until I was soooo shocked..

    he told me that he will no longer go further if I cannot accept his decision to attend the Catholic church and attend singles for Christ. I think perhaps from the counsel from his uncle saying If the girl loves you she will respect you for who you are.

    he loves me very much I know that, but he's telling me that we shouldn't be fighting for this thing because we both love each other. we just have to RESPECT our difference. it was heart wrecking.. as the man, I was hoping that he will grow more spiritually because he will be the head of the family.. I know that I can't do that, because I am setting my standards low for Christ which I feel just isn't right.

    But he's a different one, he doesn't believe in worshiping the saints. however, he listens at pope and belived that Roman Catholic is the original church.. and now I kept telling him that he may have different views, he may still be having conformity (but he's telling he's still weighing and exploring things between Catholic and Christians ) while I want him to serve with full obedience.

    I just feel soo sad because we decided beck then to grow together :(. I even imagined that we will be attending the same church, loving the fire as we dedicate ourselves in the ministry and do bible studies. he was may first love and I thought my true love :( he's such a gentleman with no vices, but I think his heart is closed to understand the truth..

    for the male readers, please help.. I have this kind of perception and please correct me kindly if I get this wrong..

    If he really loves me, this will not be a hindrance and he will try to know God deeper,understand and love my God.

    Do you think as a Christian, it is good to respect this, go on with our relationship?
    (I know that I shouldn't lower my standards, but now he's blaming me that I'm letting go JUST because of protecting my faith)

    he's telling me to respect what he wants and we will still give it another chance. Yes, as friends I can do that but if we'll be going in a relationship, I really want him to be one of mind.

    will that be okay? try to understand him believing he's still a baby Christian and because I love him should I bear more patience and still guide him still praying that as his love to God grows will take the veil out from him and decide to live as to be set apart, to serve without conformity.

    (but Im scared for another heart ache if this will continue)

    or should I really have to let go and Let God :(.. when our lives crosses again and when he truly understands me. (But I cant imagine her having a catholic new girl who will understand him completely than I)

    I felt that he left me hanging, and he doesn't really loves me because he cant fight me and my perception about Christ for it.

    God speed
  2. Maybe letting go of the man will bring you closer to Christ which should be our priority anyway....

    Maybe getting closer to Christ will open the eyes of the man....

    Live for Christ first-you can't go wrong.

    Don't be 'unequally yoked' in anything, ESPECIALLY faith. You set the precedent for the relationship at the beginning, as God set the precedent for the family unit at the foundation of the earth. If you two can't agree in faith-this will cause immediate and strong spiritual contention forever in the relationship; or at least until someone gives up OR the Lord moves in your hearts.You don't want to be in a relationship where you constantly feel defeated. If you marry him, you will be subject under his spiritual leadership.

    Let the Lord do the work BEFORE you get into a situation where you are 'stuck' Take it from someone who is currently 'stuck'. Make sure you marry someone you are comfortable in supporting in MOST ways. There will always be differences of opinions but that's why we have to learn how to compliment each other. There is no such thing as a "Hollywood Romance"; ALL relationships require WORK-including the one between you and Christ.

    He could be the Golden Boy of the millennium-but if your 'faiths' don't jive-it is all for not...
    KingJ and Mr. Darby say Amen and like this.

  3. thank you soo much, that's what he's been saying that I should at least give-up and understand him.. while I have been praying that God will touch his heart. and I don't want to be the spiritual leader all the time, I've seen that before from my mother. You were right, I should have looked more closely.. I thought he has an open heart that is why I've just fallen for him so bad. I just feel so sad from the separation, I can't imagine him having someone new.. while I'm terribly worried at his spiritual life as he continue to do which he thinks that HE KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS. :(

    as for you, I also pray for your situation.. everything really comes in his perfect time. your partner will eventually see the testimony of bearing the name of Christ. thank you for your advice, perhaps I don't want to get stuck like yours because I don't think I am that spiritually mature to conquer. God bless you and may you be spirit filled every day. :)
  4. I was considering your survey question: I don't think 'love' can be removed from 'faith'.

    The Bible teaches all "Good" things are of God-therefore 'love' is from God directly. The problem we face is distinguishing 'love' from 'lust' when it comes to physical relationships. Physical aspects of the relationship should be secondary-our flesh twists it around and makes us think that 'love' is a warm gooing feeling when it is opposite of what the Lord intents.

    A husband and wife SHOULD lust after one another in an appropriate fashion (sex as a Christian doesn't have to be 'boring'). BUT what we humans do is usually put the physical first and ignore the spiritual aspects which in turn creates all the 'drama' of today's boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.

    That's why the Bible teaches marriage first-sex later. The world has turned it around and look at the mess we create?

    Love is of God-your Faith should be in "love" with Christ before a spouse is ever to be considered. So Faith through Love (Grace) can guide you to make wise relationship decisions.....
    Ms.Angela likes this.
  5. Hello my brother in Christ! due to hectic schedule I failed to check my emails. I appreciate your wisdom inspired by Bible. I Agree at your proposition, however these days.. People tend to forget the fundamental motive why husband and wife exists. They tend to set aside love an religion. When they thnk it could save them but rather It is their relationship with Christ that we are justified. Now I'm fully decided to let him go and pray for him. I believe partial obedience is not obedience at all when there are things that you still cant surrender like Ur will to him and living on compromises. But God always gave us grace to give us the things that we need. :) I pray that he will soon realize how it feels to live radically and soo inlove with him! God bless you brother and may we continue to grow more on his words.good day!
  6. I'll truly think you are having boundary issues here. As I grow in my walk I've learned that boundaries are what keeps us protective of the gifts and love God has given us and to better allow God to do his work in others. The main thing is I learned I am NOT responsible for what others do, say, think or feel. I am only responsible for my own feelings, thoughts, words, actions and such.

    To me it sounds like you are taking responsibility for him and truly his walk with God is just that. His walk with God. I understand this to be distressing but you cannot force anybody to believe exactly what you believe. You must respect he is own person and that his walk will be different than yours. I agree I would find it difficult as well if I were in your position.

    If his choice to be Catholic or Christian will make the relationship strained and you feel you cannot work through the challenges of that, then truly your better off breaking up and moving on. I stayed for 4 1/2 years with someone whose core values were NOT the same as mine and whose walk with God was more akin to hatred than love. And the next guy was only for a year but while he claimed his core values to be the same, his walk with God was so different than mine that I made the best decision and broke up with him. It was really really hard but I knew it was what was best for me.

    What this all boils down to, is you need to ask yourself is this guy and this situation for your walk with God? Your relationship with God is more important than anything this world has to offer that includes a love relationship. If your first love has taken priority over God that's a problem. If you don't feel this is the case then you also have to consider what is best for your walk with God. When you pray do you feel comforted and know God cares very much? Sometimes what God wants best for us is not what we think is best. If you feel you can work through this and you feel this is part of your walk with God then I say you need to have open communication with your man about this concern and to make a honest inventory of the reality of your relationship and to seek out counsel perhaps even.

    I hope this may help to provide you with more perspective. This is only my thoughts and no reflection or judgement upon you and I hope I haven't done so at any point. I pray for what is best for you and care.
  7. I am not a male, but I have one question for you: What is the most important thing to you right now in your life?

    If you and I are on the same page, we know the immediate answer to be: God. Therefore, if you know in your heart that God is telling you to not move forward with someone who is of Catholic denomination. I'm not quite sure why this is an issue, but for some reason it is and perhaps it's a sign from God that he's not the right person for you. He wants to attend a singles event...are you able to attend it with him? Unfortunately, I'm a little confused about why you two separated, it seems to just have to do with an event and the church he wants to go to, but nevertheless, if God wants a man in your life, I can guarantee you, that man will be there. Without a doubt.

    I broke up with someone recently and feel terrible about it, because I didn't want to. At the same time, I had been praying for weeks to the Holy Spirit as to if this man was right for me. I never felt at peace with the situation and always felt as if something was off. It came down to lack of communication, lack of discussions about God, lack of prayers, and lack of deepness. Ultimately, I was partially at fault, trying to be the rock I am, when deep down I'm dealing with stuff I didn't let him know about. Albeit, so is he. Point is, that the specifics don't matter. I prayed, I did what I thought was right and if the guy is meant for me, we will be together one day. I have to trust in God and so do you. Hey...we ALL do. It sucks though, doesn't it? We are so selfish and want things on our time, when God is trying to teach us patience...

    Perhaps right now, God knows the two of you need to strengthen the walk you both have with the Lord, and after that, you two will be brought back together. You don't know the reasoning behind why you two split. Correction, you don't know God's reasoning, but you will one day and I can guarantee you that it will all make sense to you at that point. I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. I promise that in time you will get through it.

    Read Ecclesiastes 3.
  8. Hello Sis, thank For the wisdom and Has confirmed my standing. Yes, because love him I became responsible for him which I realized is wrong, you cant force people to change but only by God's grace. What we can do is to plant a seed of God's word and God will nurture it. Aft the past two months of this issue and by prayers, I realized that I have to let him go. At first I thought we could work through this and I will stay with him as long as he will agree with my request to attend a full gospel church. As long he will be attending that church, attending Catholic bible studies will be fine (because I thought he enjoyed the socialization) but what we was always telling me is to ACCEPT that he wont change, and by going further in our relationship will make him feel OBLIGATEd to come with my church, join me in the ministries.

    I feel sad because I opt for a United family committed to serve the Lord. What I see in his proposition is that he wants me to accept him while he wont sacrifice anything for this to work out. I have been a product of a broken family, I pray for unity. But I can see spiritual situation when this will continue, and he is the head of the family. How can a woman follow if he has different way of leading a family

    I told him to atleast seek counsel so he would understand my stand. But he told me I love my belief more than him. He knows everything that he needs that's why he's staying on that denomination while im sooo terribly worried at him.

    Thank you Sis for your time to drop a message.:) I did everything, I was hurt at him being stubborn, he doesnt want to do anything about it but for me to accept it. That's why it's been 1 week that I refrained communicating with him. But he's always on my prayers, I thank the Lord for the comfort.. Finally I can control my tears from crying.God bless!
  9. Hi! thank you for your time dropping a message. It has given me spiritual encouragement and support when I hear insights from others having similar situation. Yes, God has helped me bear with the pain. I Know that God matters first and I am surrendering the pain and my relationship to him. I Refuse to give in with the sorrow by constantly looking on the positive side and reading his words. His plans are greater than ours. Lesson learned, and next time by God's wisdom,prayers and his perfect time he will give us the right partner. God bless :)
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.

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