Boyfriend's Female Friend Asks Him To Spend The Night

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by spunkycat08, Mar 23, 2014.

  1. Question:

    You are in a committed relationship. A female friend of your boyfriend whom he has known for 20 years asks him to spend the night at her place because she wants him to hang some stuff from her ceiling. She wants to cook dinner for him, watch a movie or a tv show with him, have him hang some stuff from her ceiling, have him sleep on her couch while she sleeps in her bedroom, and then go out for breakfast in the morning. She is aware that he is involved in a committed relationship. She has met his significant other. She along with a male friend of hers has gone out with the 2 of you at least 3 times before asking him to spend the night at her place.

    How would you feel about this?
  2. That would not be acceptable to me. Nor would I be dating someone who was ok with this. It's completely unnecessary.
    God calls me Olivia likes this.
  3. If I wasn't married to the person I wouldn't care. It would actually be a good thing, because I would easily be able to cross them off the marriage list.

    Also, if the person is acting like a a Jezebel, chances are they're not a Christian, and that's a whole different situation. IMHO.
    God calls me Olivia likes this.
  4. I think it depends. I mean if the people are married then a husband certainly has to take into consideration his wife's feelings. However boyfriend and girlfriend vs a 20 year friendship is a slippery slope particularly if the two grew up like brother and sister. I have a friend that is more like family, she had older parents and my grandfather and her father were good friends in Jamaica that's basically family to me. She even calls to check on my wife and children more then me because they built a relationship.
  5. #5 spunkycat08, Mar 23, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2014
    My boyfriend *now husband* did not go over to her place after all. This entire situation happened while we were dating. I did let him know how I felt about the entire situation. I was fine with his going over to her place on an afternoon, hanging stuff from her ceiling, going out for lunch to a restaurant and then going home, but not his spending the night. But... she insisted that the entire situation was not a date.

    This particular female friend has also stayed over at an ex-boyfriend's place while dating another guy.

    According to her, she goes to church on Sunday's with her mom.

    She is in her early forties. She has told us that she wants to find a guy to settle down with.

    I just do not understand this type of behavior.

    I wonder how a guy her age would feel about her behavior while dating him.
  6. He's your boyfriend that just became your husband?

    Well if that's your husband then no sleep overs, unless you are invited too. If she is a Christian then she should completely understand that, your husband should understand that, everybody should understand that. It's pretty simple. IMHO
    AllieWi likes this.
  7. Yup. ^
  8. Your boyfriend is now your husband I am kind of confused. Was he invited as your boyfriend then you got married and it came to your attention? Or do you feel like your boyfriend is your husband? I was just wondering because based on the level of commitment determines the level of consideration.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  9. Are you worried about a situation that happened before you married? Is this carrying over into your marriage today?

    It's inappropriate for your husband to sleep at a female's home. Sounds like he doesn't get that.
  10. If he's a Christian, he gets it. He's testing the limits, and you have to set the rules now. Don't wait until it's too late, 10 years later trying to figure out why you guys have trust issues and need counseling.

    But I'm only making assumptions based on the information given. There is still a lot of questions to this whole thread. Like did this happen while you guys were married? Or was it before you were married? How did we go from boyfriend to husband? Have they ever dated? Are they just friends, or also cousins?
  11. #11 Sweet Pea, Mar 24, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2014
    Yeah, you definitely don't want this to go on for ten years. Why would anyone DO that?!

    I think they could have been friends that then started dating, so he became her boyfriend, and is now her husband. I don't get the sense they are cousins, but if they were, that's probably for a different thread. We could discuss whether or not that's biblical.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  12. I think if they are friends and cousins, then it would be okay for him to spend the night whether he is married or not. Unless he is tempted by his cousin, then yes that's a whole different discussion.
  13. Yes, if he wants to sleep at his cousins house, I don't have a problem with that. Although, wouldn't she (the wife or girlfriend) be invited? Or is the the wife/girlfriend his cousin? I'm so confused.
  14. What if the ex-girlfriend and the new girlfriend (now wife) are both his cousins? He wants to continue being friend cousins with his first cousin, as in the one he dated first (because I think they are both his first cousins), but his second first cousin is jealous of the relationship with his first-first cousin. What a mess they wove!
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  15. To clarify what happened...

    This happened when my husband was my boyfriend.

    No, he did not go over to her place after all.

    I married my husband in March 2013. The last time both of us saw his female friend was a couple of months after we got married. At that time she mentioned that she was dating a guy, but she mentioned that it was not your usual dating relationship. She would also spend the night at an ex-boyfriend's place during this time. Last year she sent my husband a text stating that she would like us to come over to her place at some point and hang out. Since his work schedule varies, it would be difficult to do that, and so my husband let her know that. Neither one of us has heard from her since then.

    I got to wondering what has happened in her life, and this incident came back to me. I had put it in the past, but it came back to me after wondering what has happened in her life.

    I was just curious as to how others would feel about her behavior... especially since she is in her early forties, wants to settle down a guy, goes to church on Sunday's with her mom, yet spends time with an ex-boyfriend.

    How would a male, who is interested in her, react to all of this?
  16. Sorry to be blunt.. But is that really our business? If you are really burdened that as a friend of your husband, she is straying off, then the response should be prayers! If you know for certain something is wrong and she is openly committing sin, then may be discuss.. But with little information, we cannot judge anyone..

    And to the OP, certainly your husband did the right thing.. There is a saying in my native language.. The meaning of that is - if you keep cotton and fire close, it 'will' catch fire.. The intention of the fire might not be to burn cotton.. But that is the nature of fire :)
  17. If I was in this situation I would immediately reach out to her myself. Sometimes women are intimidated it uncomfortable with other women. A warm offering of a shoulder and a place to vent goes a long way. :)
  18. I don't see why it matters. Your husband didn't go when you weren't married, she isn't doing this during your marriage, you haven't heard from her in a year? I don't see the problem unless there is continual contact. Don't borrow trouble!

    Why are you even thinking about his ex? I don't get it. What am I missing?
  19. Hmm. If she's dating one guy, but still spending time with her ex-boyfriend, I would call that games. And if she plays games, she should expect to get played herself, and not wonder why she's single in her 40's.

    If I were you, I would keep a close eye on this lady, while she is around your husband. IMHO
  20. I totally agree, but I don't think either of them have heard from her since sometimes last year.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.

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