Boyfriend who is also Bestfriend just broke up with me Advice, Help, Healing

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Ephesians, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Hi I am a college student on summer break my boyfriend just met with me yesterday and had planned to break up with me early this week I had no idea until he started acting weird.

    Background: We have known each other for 2 and half years and are best friends, he put off dating for a year and half and were kind of pseudo dating doing stuff like dating hanging out minus all romantic stuff. We were approaching 8 month on June 20. We had the same christian group on campus thats also how we got to know each other better he encouraged me to go and the same church. I will be a senior next year in college he just graduated this last year and we live far away so it is not like we will run into each other it would have to be planned.

    I have been hurting for awhile but I loved him so much he was the only person who I really felt most comfortable telling that I love him. Right now I am hurting a lot and just want to tell him that I love him hug him and kiss him we never kissed unfortunately he would have been my first kiss.

    He wouldn't reciprocate my love languages or make effort I felt like I was pulling almost the whole relationship. He was crying and told me I deserve better when he broke up with me and wrote it in a letter to me from him which was kind of awkward I have only ever seen him cry once before so I know he was showing very strong emotions. We still will be very close best friends its just very difficult. I had thought that I would marry him, his main reason was I don't think we would make a happy married couple.

    Any scriptures, songs, advice would be very helpful right now thank you. I appreciate it so very much
    CoffeeDrinker likes this.
  2. #2 godbe4me, Jun 18, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2017 at 1:08 AM
    Hello Ephesians,

    I would suggest you take this situation to the Lord in prayer. For only He can heal the broken heart. You will find that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season and not a lifetime. The problem comes when we expect for seasonal people to stay for a lifetime. It hurts I know it does but God has plans for You. And, maybe this separation is not permanent but a short time apart so that God can work with the both of you separately before he brings you back together. Maybe, this man is not meant to be in your life and God is telling you he wants you to keep moving until you meet the one God has planned for you. I really don't know. But what I do know is that God is in Control and He knows you are hurting. But He is there with you comforting you and loving you as he always has been doing. Below are some scriptures for you to meditate on. We tend to focus so much on our situation that we don't see God working on our behalf. I will keep you lifted in prayer.

    Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

    Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

    Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

    John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
  3. Did you try to reciprocate his love languages. To attend to him, and not expect him to always attend to you?

    Maybe he is not sure of how to love you the way you want to be loved, but only knows how to love you his way. And by your always pulling things out of him... it sounds like your not very accepting of his love, unless its your way.

    Love takes 2 people to work together. And it's our job to figure out how to love the other. If we feel like our needs are not being met, we should take it to God in prayer. Thanking Him for meeting all our needs according to His riches in glory. Trusting our needs to be met by Him. And as we cheerfully give love to our mate... God will make sure we get in return (Ephesians 6:8).

    But in all reality if we are walking according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7... then we are doing the giving and not really being concerned about receiving, because we are trusting in God to take care of us, and our needs. We are not responsible for how others love us (meaning we have no right to complain to God about how our mates love us or what they do or don't do) but how we love others.

    Truthfrees, Via dolarossa and Fish Catcher Jim says Amen and like this.
  4. Sounds like you shared some close and touching moments which you'll cherish during your lifetime even if it really is time to say good-bye. If you have agreed to stay friends and keep in touch it could grow into something more; but it doesn't sound like you want it to which could be a strong indication to move on in your separate directions as you thank God for the experience.
    CoffeeDrinker, Via dolarossa, Cturtle and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  5. Greetings Ephesians
    The best thing I could even say to you is.
    Use this time to seek God and build your relationship with Him.

    Focus on Him. He knows how you feel and you don't need to keep telling Him about the breakup and so forth.
    Use this time to grow in Him.

    Fill that hurt with Him.
    Go after The Father with more excitement then you would if your friend called you to come hang out.

    Matthew 6:33
    But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

    CoffeeDrinker, Truthfrees, Via dolarossa and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  6. I am sorry that you have to go through this emotional pain right now. Reading your account of your relationship with this young man one thing stands out to me quite plainly - he was not ready at this time in his life for a deeper commitment. In time, you will both be thankful for his courage to be able to terminate the romantic part of the relationship - marriage is forever and as you know both parties need to be absolutely certain that they are marrying the right person. For whatever reason, he does not feel that you two will ultimately be compatible with each other over the course of a lifetime. I think that this young man is thoughtful and wise - it was obviously very hard for him to tell you this.

    As you heal from this, know that the Lord always works in your best interests. An unhappy marriage is truly a living nightmare - inescapable, 24/7. The pain that you are feeling now is much smaller to the pain of a marriage gone wrong - of finding out that as a couple you and your partner are incompatible. Consider all of this a valuable learning experience and that the Lord has most certainly helped you dodge a bullet. Allow yourself to sit daily with the pain during quiet prayer with God, and He will mend Your emotional wounds. Amazingly enough, I have often witnessed situations such as yours, where later on the couple reconnect, and go on to have a terrific marriage. It does happen.

    Right now, you are very young, and there are many other things that you can be doing to both grow emotionally and intellectually. Your young man may also have been feeling that he was not ready to take on the responsibilities of being a husband and possibly a father - that he needed more education and life experience. Hopefully, your friendship will endure this episode, as he sounds like he is a valuable person to have in one's life in terms of someone to just talk to or correspond with. You also mentioned the long distance relationship issue - it takes a very firm and strong and sure love to endure long distance relationships. It seems that he must have taken a honest inventory of his own feelings and realized that this just wasn't going to work for him.

    Please know that the Lord with with you at all times. If you seek His counsel, He will guide your heart, thoughts, and feelings to a positive place, and He will move your life into the special plan that He has for you and you alone.

    I have a little something special for you from the Celtic Daily Prayer Book One. This is called "A Prayer in brokenness", and I have found it to be of great comfort:

    " O God, I cannot undo the past, or make it never have happened. .... I ask you, humbly, and from the bottom of my heart; Please God, would You write straight with my crooked lines? Out of the serious mistakes of my life will You make something beautiful for You? Teach me to live at peace with You, to make peace with others and even with myself. Give me fresh vision. Let me experience Your love so deeply that I am free to face the future with a steady eye, forgiven, and strong in hope."

    May God's blessings mend your wounded heart. Focus on God, and all things will begin to heal in the way He has planned for you.


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