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Boyfriend And I Broke Up: I'm Down And He's Less Than Christian-like To Me

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by DawnGodsChild, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. Hello All,

    My boyfriend and I of two years called it quits 2 months ago. We were trying to get back together since then, but because of the emotional abuse I have been subjected to and his anger management issues, when my mother found out, she was furious. And hasn't given her blessings for us to get back together or get married. He had apologized many times and tried to be kinder, nicer, gentler, by giving me flowers trying to be my friend, but it has just recently fallen apart. I made some recent mistakes such as forgetting to invite him to a get-together at someone's place, because he told me he had a previous commitment. But he got mad about it 2 weeks later. Then 2 nights ago, he told me, he is tired of me waiting to make a decision on whether to get back together again. I tried to make him understand, I need my parents' blessings...as it is in the 10 Commandments to Honor Thy Mother and Father so your days on the earth will be long...This keeps playing in my head. My father is sick with Leukemia and eye problems, and my mother is ill herself. I don't want to do something that makes them even more worried than they already are. I couldn't forgive myself. What has kept me delaying on making a decision is his back and fourth-ness. Sometimes I feel he loves me, and others i feel he despises me. he has told me, he'll always love me.

    So 2 nights ago, he told me he is over. He is tired of waiting. He has moved on with his life. He doesn't care or isn't worried about my stuff anymore. He only cares about himself, and when I asked about going to teh church he goes to, cause the Pastor there asked about me,and if he was comfortable with me going with him, he said, "I guess. I can't tell you not to, since I'm not a member of the church." So in other words, he would exclude me from going to God's church if he was a member?! I feel really down. I know I have made mistakes...stupid mindless ones. I never meant to hurt him. It wasn't like I was sitting and plotting. Things he has done to hurt me many times has been intentional. He told me, I shouldn't be concerned if he sleeps with other girls at this point. He also said, about his anger,, it is him, it isn't going to change soon, so I have to learn to deal with it. He also has done such things as lying to me about cheating, telling me not to tell him about the Bible, when we were arguing and I tried to quote scripture to tell him to control his anger. When I told him that we shouldn't sleep together, he gave me a hard time about that too. I told him, I am trying to do what God has instructed us to do. He has taken his frustrations out on me, when he was being abused or mistreated at work, and telling me I should deal with it. He once told me, you have to be willing to suffer for someone you love. This is true. He says I haven't suffered, in terms on not having modern conveniences. But I have suffered emotional scars which I still am doing now. I'm low depressed, losing weight, forgetful, unable to focus, low self-worth, no apetite, not able to sleep well. Is it too much to have someone love you the Godly kind of love? Or is that impossible to find? Are my expectations (according to my ex) unrealistic? Is this kind of life all I have to look forward to? Is this as good as it gets?!

    He is a good guy when he wants to be...but he has his own issues that he is dealing with. So I have been confused...I have forgiven him for all of this, and tried to see the good he has done. But can I choose a man over my mother, who has given me everything and sacrificed so much to make me happy and comfortable? The spirit has spoken to her when she prays. This is not something I can ignore. Even if I wanted to go back to this relationship with this guy, there is nothing to go back to. He has stopped caring. Yes, I shouldn't have kept him waiting...but I prayed for God to tell me yes or no. To help me to make the decision because I couldn't with all this pressure. I still love the guy....not sure if he loves me or not....not sure if this is my fault or his....I don't know anymore.

    But was I doing the right thing by waiting for my mother's blessings and trying to see if this guy's anger would change by taking a break and just being friends for a while?
  2. He's a good guy? By your own testimony:

    Did i miss anything? Raise your standards to a godly level and let your ex's sins be on his head.

    Yes you can do better. Why would you consider sex before marriage okay as a Christian? You are giving away what rightfully belongs to your future husband and defiling the temple of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Thank you for your comment Dirtyrottensinner. I have made peace with God on the sex before marriage issue. I've asked for forgiveness for past wrongs...and have stayed far from that for a very long time now. This is one of the issues we fought over. Cause I wanted to stick to not doing anything else before marriage. I didn't want to sin again. And I will not do that until I get married. That is behind me now.
  4. Amen...God honors repentance, obedience and sacrifice. It will be well worth the blessings one day.

    Worship, read your Bible, meditate on the Word, fast when necessary, fellowship with Bible believing Christians, seek good cousel and repeat.
  5. Look for someone with fruits of the spirit :

    Galatians 5:22-26

    Better yet ; let God point him out! ;)
    DawnGodsChild likes this.
  6. Cheese cake fixes everything, just save a piece for me.
  7. Even the most wicked of men can be "good when they want to be". In fact I would say that on average, people are good more often than they are evil. Even murderers and rapists have the ability to be "good" for the vast majority of their lives, with just a few dozen moments of extreme wickedness. I wouldn't consider that "good". Good isn't the actions we perform when we are trying to be our best, but the moments when we aren't really paying attention. It is that moment when you are rushed, and aggravated, and annoyed, and tired, and your children are screaming in the back seat while stuck in traffic. What comes out of you naturally is a pretty good measure of what is inside. I often compare this to the statement "Sure he beats his wife mercilessly, but he a great father". Such a person isn't righteous.
    DawnGodsChild likes this.
  8. The good thing that came of your waiting was that your ex's true and consistent nature was clearly revealed. Unless you desire to be emotionally manipulated the rest of your life, you are well rid of him. In time, if you surround yourself with healthy people, you will come to see this clearly.

    Take time to do your grieving and work through your emotions, but take comfort in knowing that you have avoided what would likely have been a long, tangled path of thorns and thistles.
    DawnGodsChild likes this.
  9. There are lots of scriptures that tell us to stay away from bad company and to leave people who call themselfs brothers or sisters if they continue to live in sin. If you think this person is one of those people the bible warns you about, then do what the bible says and forget everything else.
    wegs likes this.
  10. When someone shows you who they are the FIRST time, believe them. ;)
    As christians, we try to give people chance after chance. That's not necessarily a bad quality. But, when someone shows us that he/she doesn't respect us, etc...then, it's time to move on.

    Jesus tells us to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't extend to allowing someone abusive or controlling into your life. It means to let this man go, wish him well...and forgive. Hopefully, you learned some good lessons. Every experience carries with it, a good lesson to glean from it.

    I know it hurts though. Break ups hurt. Hugs and prayers for you!
    DawnGodsChild likes this.
  11. haha, will do!

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