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Blonde jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by cly, Mar 2, 2006.

  1. Blonde jokes

    My step-mom sent these to me in e-mail. No offense to any blondes out there, by the way.

    *****

    Blonde Jokes for 2006


    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and
    one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........
    Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooo, can you see Florida ...???"

    CAR TROUBLE
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,
    "What's the story?"
    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

    SPEEDING TICKET
    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
    could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
    yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it
    to you!"

    RIVER WALK
    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
    blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the
    other side?"
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
    "You ARE on the other side."


    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
    body hurt wherever she touched it.
    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then
    she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and
    screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
    touched made her scream.
    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
    "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

    KNITTING
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
    Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
    wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
    and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
    yelled, "PULL OVER!"
    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

    BLONDE ON THE SUN
    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
    said, "We were the first in space!"
    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
    night!"

    IN A VACUUM
    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
    the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are
    in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

    FINALLY,
    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
    asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
    was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

    Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
    "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
     
  2. Cly,
    I loved the jokes , but I have very sore ribs after having a bad cold and coughing so much. After reading these I think I may have broken a few. :lol: I have to tell my daughter -in-law these , shes blonde , I dearly love her and I like to get her with these kind of jokes :lol: Thank goodness she has a great sence of humor 8-[
     
  3. I'm glad you like them, greyfeather. I think they're funny too, but don't hurt yourself laughing....and they say laughing's good for you. ;)

    Anyway, live, laugh, love - and get to feeling better! I hope your daughter-in-law enjoys them! 8)

    In Christ,

    CLY
     
  4. :shock: :lol:
     
  5. Mail Check

    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive, but blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

    A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid computer keeps saying', "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
     
  6. :lol: Good one!
     
  7. I can see it now,...I'm gonna go upstairs to bed thinkin about this joke,and I'm going to end up waking my husband!!!


    :smt043
     
  8. I read these to my wife, she liked them.

    There good!
     
  9. A blonde was driving down a country road. While driving she spotted another blonde in the middle of a hay field sitting in a row boat moving the oars as if she were rowing on a lake. Angered by this, the blonde motorist immediately stops. She then gets out of her car and begins to shout at the blonde in the row boat. "You know, she said, that is just the kinda stupidity that gives us blondes a bad reputation." "If I could swim I'd come out there and set you straight!!!"
     
  10. LOL :D Those are cute :cool:
     
  11. I think everyone has a blond moment from time to time. I have red hair, but my boyfriend would say I have blond.
     

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