Being A Good Servant

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Bindi, May 2, 2014.

  1. Hi everyone. Im new. And well I need some good christian advice. Im a mother of a three year old and im currently eight months pregnant with our second child. My husband and I have been married for four years on may 7th. Anyway. I try to be a good servant in my household but sometimes I feel im a little underappreciated. I work full time and so does my husband. I know when I get home my husband will be there and hes hungry. Since I plan the meals I guess its my job to cook. I truely dont mind all that but I ask that the first thing in the morning be "my alone time" where I dont have to do anything other than get me and my child ready for work. Its only about a half hour that im asking for. But my husband dosnt think I need this personal time. I feel disrespected cause hes always asking me to do things he is quite capable of doing himself. Today we got into a fight because I wouldnt make him breakfast. I got angry and told him that I dont feel respected and that all im asking is for my time to take care of myself and do my bible study before my three year old has to get up. When im angry I tend to stumble over words and they never come out they way I mean them. Lets say he stormed out of the house saying I got what I wanted and that hes leaveing me. Now I know he isnt serious, but it hurts my feeling that he says those things to me. All in all I cryed for over a hour and now I have a massive headache. Am I being selfish for wanting my own time in the morning? How can I help my husband see that im not a doormat? How can I help him to see that I do love him but I wasnt brought to him to be his maidservant.
    jmilly likes this.
  2. When wife says she needs alone time with God, then I do what I can to give that to her. When she needs a nap, I take care of the daughter and fix this food. This morning she was praying in tongues and studying the Word, so daughter and I made eggs together.

    The wife spending time with God, actually makes my life more easy.

    This should have all been understood before the marriage.

    I set the tone in my house when it comes to the things of God, and anyone that needs to be somewhere for church, or something for God that comes first.

    How saved is this Husband? As a Christian man, his actions don't make sense.

    Still, Kenneth Was mad at Gloria for not making his eggs, and cooped up in her room praying all morning. Kenneth went to God so he could fix his wife and get his eggs when the Lord said to him, "fix your own eggs Kenneth, She is praying for you and the ministry, and don't bother me about this again."

    It could just be a lack of revelation thing.
  3. Hi, welcome to the forum! Is this a common issue for you guys, or is it something that's been going on recently? I ask because I wonder if the pregnancy plays a role?
  4. My husband I
    SparkleEyes likes this.
  5. My husband is saved. He said what ultminently made him made was my responce. When he asked for breakfast I said "my time" instead I should have just said "no" each of us are having difficulty in expressing our needs to each other and communication is definately something we both need to work on. Thanks for your quick reply micheal. I dont think he knew that I was going to do my bible study since I usually do it after he leavesfor work in the morning. Like I said our communication really needs some work. Again I appreciate your responce. And I am feeling a bit better.
  6. Ok, well the worse thing you can do is start to let feelings of being not appreciated get in. These feelings can lead into some very bad things if you allow them in at all. Not just the marriage, but it starts with these thoughts, then it starts with I can do better, then the devil tells you that your pretty and can have a better life than this, and you deserve more.

    Anytime that thought comes, you cast it down and tell the devil your loved and appreciated.

    For me I just adjust to the wife wanting God time, I don't expect anything from her but to take care and be kind to our daughter. We have been married over 20 years though, so it's different.

    If your husband is use to a routine that you have put him in, like get up, get dressed, get the coffee and breakfast you made, read a paper for a bit then head to work. Right or wrong, it best not to break his routine. Being a guy, we don't all care for unexpected changes in our routine. Way back I use to tell the wife, fine........... You won't cook, I won't eat.

    I don't think she cared much that I did not eat, and realized that if I am hungry, then best fix it myself. It took a bit to understand that.

    If you made him dependent on getting out the door in the mornings, then it takes like 10 minutes to make eggs and toast. I am thinking that you have lots of time for God and just let these thoughts in that made you emotional.

    As your spending time with God, then ask God to have him help you out more. You could start by having him put his shirts in the closet, then move to socks in the drawer. You just don't want to change everything in a day, but small things should not kill him.

    There are some things guys just won't do. I never step foot in the laundry room, but I do keep up the dishes and the kitchen. The wife has tried to get me to wash and sort socks, but it's just not in me. I went and bought everyone the same white sock and threw the others out to save time matching and that one did not fly to well with the wife.

    communicate your intention the night before, and slowly ween him off all those small mundane things you have to do.
    Find out the things that are real important to him, and do those. You will find he does not do a lot of things because you just have always taken care of it. I believe he will get use to taking up some of the line.

    There might be some things instilled in him from youth, like Mom always makes the breakfast. Find out those things he believes a wife should be, remove the rest you have just picked up on your own. That should cut a good part of the load on you.
  7. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
    Milena likes this.
  8. Does this mean the OP is not allowed to have a reasonable amount of time to herself?

    It is a red flag when a man uses that quote in isolation. God did not mean for us to use that quote in a twisted fashion and out of context.
  9. It's interesting how all I did was quote scripture without any interpretation, and you accuse me of twisting scripture and taking it out of context.
  10. Truth be told, who was that scripture written to?

    Here is one for us.

    Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

    I would like the one that says..... Husbands, force your wives to submit. I am sure it's somewhere.
  11. There is a saying: “ The way to a man's heart is through his stomach”….

    Am trying to google “his brain in his stomach” but I cannot twist the saying : )

    I mean, if one is hungry, one can really be irrational : )

    Proposed solution: a microwave, cook a bit more, put in the ref, then microwave when needed....

    Am a husband, btw, and we used to fight same with my wife… that is one of the proposed solution, it works for us : )
  12. Yes, I love Eph 5:25. Amen to that.
  13. I have a teaching bible and I really like how it explains Ephesians 5:25.

    "Submitting to another person is often misunderstood concept. It does not mean becoming a doormat. Christ-at whose name "every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth" (Philippians 2:10) -submitting his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is,to ssubordinate our rights to theirs. In a marriage realationship, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband's leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other."
    SparkleEyes likes this.
  14. I didn't mean to make waves. Your response was to remind us that the Bible says wives are to submit to their husbands - with no mention of how a husband is to act. God also asks husbands to take care of his family. The gal requests a little time for herself to regularly be with God: to communicate with Him, read the Bible, and spend time in prayer is perfectly reasonable and is one way a husband takes care of his wife and family. It is a perfectly reasonable and Biblically based desire. She didn't ask for time off to get her nails done, to watch her favorite tv shows......Your reply was one sided.
  15. I've posted tons of scriptures to husbands that relate to husbands. Now I am in a thread where the OP is a wife, so she gets wife scriptures.
    My reply was scripture and only scripture, so are you calling scripture one sided? If me posting scriptures without any interpretation of it makes you angry, maybe you should pray about that. I'll pray with you if you need me to.

    I never said it was wrong for the gal to have time for herself, read her bible, get her nails done, or watch her favorite tv show. You are just making assumptions left and right. LOL

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