Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by violet, Jun 1, 2007.
Before the Kiss
All about courtship~
Thanks for clarifying this missunderstood issue Violet !
Oh, wow... :sad01_anim:
You don't like that, NoDoubt?
In my opinion, the entire idea of "courtship" is a lot harder to apply in our modern world. The process of courtship is extremely traditional.
For instance, it has a lot of involvement with parents. However, if the parents aren't Christian, this throws a lot of that out.
It talks about if the two are ready for marriage. However, as people are getting married older and older, the parents might not be around, or they may just be out of the picture.
On top of requiring the parents to be Christians, it requires them to approve. While this is usually a good thing with good parents, a future spouse might have a different view than the parents.
The requirement to meet before as friends and get to know each other in public situations is also pretty hard to do. In an increasingly busy world, some people don't have the free time to socialize as much as is required for courting. And while I think it's a good idea to be friends first, this can often be a HUGE problem if you don't start being friends with the intent on courting. If you start being friends just to be friends, your views of each other can be confused and the entire process can be prolonged from what it was originally intended.
While there are some good tips, I think that they are already stated in dating. Serious dating means that both of you are seeking God's will and praying. Serious dating includes the parents (when possible) as well as friends. In serious dating, every person you date is a candidate for marriage.
The idea of courtship sounds pretty good, but I think it's just too sublime for our culture. While I don't agree with a lot of definitions that society has put along with dating, I prefer to fix these definitions rather than to force the culture to readopt a practice that has been abandoned for over 100 years.
It sounds good and all, but it just makes it seem that much less likely I'll find a great woman. It just sounds unfeasible in todays society to find a family like that.
The only girl I ever met that had a family like that, the girl was a firm believer... But also terribly troubled. She was convinced all men were evil, and though I never wronged her in any way, she HATED me! She hated me simply for being a man! She had a lot of issues, and that was very discouraging, to find a moral woman, then find she is quite emotionally distraught.
I really appreciate this, Violet. Would be great if it was promoted more.
Some people say it can't work in today's society, but that is not true. Courtship is a Biblical principal approved of by our Lord (Mat. 19:5) and the Bible is relevant for all peoples for all times.
I think the real problem with courtship is getting the youth on board with the idea. When they are for it, then it is easy to implement, even if all the elements are not implemented, such as Christian parents, etc. I have seen varied forms of courtship work, where there were no parents or where the parent were not Christian.
Here in El Salvador there is a huge difference. The youth outside of church are very promiscuous, but inside the church there are lots of courtship principles. Even couples that have been engage for over 5 years never permit themselves to be alone with each other. Often, they choose not to even sit together in church, but choose to sit with parents or friends. It is really a blessing to see.
It really comes down to accountability and avoiding temptation. What could be wrong with that?
Thanks again, I really appreciate this kind of information.
Blessings in Christ,
I believe with all my heart that as Christian man and women we should be guided by the Lord in our decision of whom to marry and I also believe in waiting for intimate encounters untill after we say "I do"! Having said all this, let me add, oh my goodness!! I think there is such a thing as taking things too far! Of course the parents should be involved and we should be sure to teach our children about the importance and the reasons why God has set up boundries that shouldn't be crossed when it comes to dating, courtship and marriage, but please, let's not forget love and passion!! If anyone needs proof of how God feels about passion and physical attraction, let them read the Songs of Solomon! As always, only my opinion...
Courtship is to protect the love and passion and save that for the marriage. Song of Solomon warns "Do not stir up nor awaken love
Until it pleases." (2:7; 3:5, 8:4) Courtship allows an opportunity for a young couple to get to know each other, seek the Lord's will in their lives, and serve the the Lord before passion is stirred.
I am not legalistic about this. We have 3 sons, the oldest chose not to follow this, the other 2 did. As for me, I wish someone had encourage my wife and I to approach our relationship this way.
Just my view.
Just to clarify, I was reffering to passion and love inside marriage, not outside of it, and I do agree with all this, but the people who are writing in this "Before the Kiss" site just seem to think of courtship and love more like a business affair rather then a heart affair. Not everything is so cut and dry and I believe that, just like God tailors everything to fit the individual person, so should we try to be a little less concerned about "form" and following a template and just go, as parents of children who are courting or as the people involved in the courtship, with what we feel God is telling the specific individual about the specific situation.
I absolutely agree, it is presented in a somewhat legalistic light.
Good to talk to you and very nice to meet you!
Thank you, you too.