Bad Puns by Me 08.25.06 Foreman at a lumber yard: Chairman of the boards. A man once went to see a friend perform at a local bar. The performer put on a good show playing the songs, Night Moves, Old Time Rock and Roll, Against the Wind, Hollywood Nights, We’ve Got Tonight and Katmandu. When asked if his set would convince anyone in the audience that he was the man who originally recorded those songs his friend replied: Close but so Seger. A baby owl flapped his wings for the first time. He jumped out of his nest in the barn and landed softly on the hay where he fainted from all the excitement. He was owl tyke alight. How often do cows plant flowers? Once in a moo bloom. A man advertised that he could perform a Gilbert and Sullivan musical about the British Royal Navy exclusively for an audience of those under the age of two. The name of his business: A Pinafore your tots. I wrote a book about moving my head from facing forwards to a motion that was a first for me, placing my chin above my right shoulder. The book is 1,000 pages long. You don’t have to read it all but you might be interested in leafing over a new turn. The eighteenth green on the golf course is the easiest because it is 27 feet in circumference. It’s the nine yards hole. Our minister mentioned last Sunday that someone had scratched up the benches with a small device normally used to open car doors. So from now on, I’ll mind my keys and pews. I am an expert at getting in a canoe and then being rejected by beautiful women. Yes, I row the nopes. An army of ghosts have been causing revolutions in Eastern Europe. Fortunately they stopped at the capital of Romania: Boo-coup-rest.