I always wanted to be a veterinarian. I never dreamed I would end up on the other side of the world... I am a veterinary student at an AVMA accredited university in New Zealand. I'm from the United States and I am approaching the end of my fourth year and going into my final year (it's a five year program over here), and I'm utterly miserable. I'm not really sure what to do about it- I come from a poor single parent household and I've had to take out loans to pay for this- I owe over $200,000US now and I'm not even done. I started out liking veterinary medicine- I wanted to be a vet since I was four years old, I volunteered at the local zoo in junior high and high school, I volunteered at a veterinary clinic at a zoo near the university where I did my undergraduate degree for 3 years, I volunteered at an animal shelter for one year- I've had lots of experiences that most people only dream of. But over the last two years, I've started hating the profession. I'm not sure if it's the profession itself that I hate or just the school and the country, but I hate it and it's an effort to get out of bed to go to class in the morning. I hate that I'm isolated and lonely all the time, I hate that I'm stressed all the time, I hate that I have to time for anything, not even my own emotions, and so I feel dead most of the time. I hate that I have no close friends- I have no time for them. I'm starting to feel like I don't even like animals anymore- I would rather work with children. I worked in a preschool part time when I was doing my undergraduate degree and I loved it- I'm not sure if God is planting this in my heart or if it's just something I've thought up on my own, but it's frustrating because I can't hear Him. It's like He's not there. I sit in my room all the time, miserable, in tears, lonely, crying out to God and begging for Him to either give me joy with this career or put me into a new one and give me peace over it and open up some time for me so I can have some friends- I'm pathetic- I check my phone hourly in hopes of getting a text and check my emails 20 times a day just so I can hear from people who never keep in touch. I feel trapped because my debt is so high that I really can't afford not to have a well paying job to take care of my student loans and I certainly can't afford to drop out and start a new program and rack up 4 more years of debt. My faith is very, very weak right now. My friends don't understand what I'm going through- they keep telling me to hang in there. I told one lady I was lonely and she said she would pray that God would be my constant companion until the doors opened up for me to have some more time to spend with people, but that's just it- they won't open as long as I'm here and i will continue to be lonely. I thought God created us for companionship. I am utterly, completely miserable and not sure what to do. I think coming over here was the worst decision of my life. I am not sure I can last another year, let alone the rest of this semester.