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ALTERNATE USES - Holiday Fruit Cake

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Pastor Gary, Dec 24, 2007.

  1. ALTERNATE USES - Holiday Fruit Cake

    Most of us have had the unpleasant experience of receiving a Holiday Fruit Cake from a well meaning relative, friend or employer, just to throw it away for various reasons. If you receive one this year, instead of throwing it out, take a few suggestions from the persons who will add to this thread regarding alternate uses for Holiday Fruit Cake... ( not to be confused with the other type of 'fruitcake')... :D

    Boat Anchor...

    Paper Weight...

    Wheel chocks for a parked aircraft...

    (please add your suggestions...)
     
  2. Pot hole repair for city streets!:D
     
  3. When you save up enough of them, You can stack them together into a column, to shore-up a sagging porch, or a sagging basement truss.:D
     
  4. I'd eat it!!!
    :D:D:D
     
  5. What!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: Eat the Post-Supports, I just erected, using fruitcake(s):eek:!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Stick one on each end of a broomstick and y'all have a great weight lifting set. The older they get, the heavier they get.

    How about a door stop...

    Speedbumps...

    or just save it for next July's Garage Sale - it'll still be OK...
     
  7. I heard tell the military was planning on dropping them on insurgents but then it was deamed to cruel.
     
  8. I guess I was sheltered from this, but what is the origin of the Holiday Fruit Cake?:confused:
     
  9. The original is probibly still around somewhere. All kidding aside good fruit cake is deilcious and bad fruitcake is just plain bad.
    It is a cake mixed with loads of candied fruits and nuts- usually fairly heavy and slightly dry. A bad fruitcake is usually hard enough to use in lieu of brick and mortar in a construction job!
     
  10. Not unless someone can explain where they are supposed to get those cubes of fake fruit, which look like they were made by union-carbide, or dow chemical -----and which taste like different flavored cough medicines, each and every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:
     
  11. I saw an evolutionsist trying to figure the origins of life of a piece. He seem to think the different layers of fruit evolved at different times in history only to be replaced by smaller more suphisticated pieces as time went by-:eek::eek::p:):D:cool::israel:
     
  12. if you give a fruit cake to a scientist he would work out the properties of all ingredients ,but miss the cook who made it.:)
     
  13. I'd still eat it
     
  14. So true Mike- merry Christmas brother!!!
     
  15. Some fruitcake makes excellent ramps for your truck when you're working on your tranny.

    You can also pack fruitcake solid into dents in your car, sand off the excess, and primer and paint it. Makes even better bondo than bondo.

    Got a wobbly kitchen table? Stick a hunk of fruitcake under there and your problems are solved for years on end!

    Pound fruitcake into knotholes in plywood. Warning: this one's permanent!

    Fruitcake can be used to chip shale into the desired shapes when you're building your own walkway.

    If you go away from home for any extended period of time, rig up your front door like the old bucket-of-water over the door gag...but instead of water, use a fruitcake. It'll konk out the thieves cold until you can get home.

    Drill a hole into some fruitcakes, anchor them to the bottom of your washing machine, and never ever ever have to re-center your clothes again!:eek:

    Happy new year, everybody!
     
  16. You guys just haven't had the really moist, good tasting stuff!

    Am I ruining this for you?


    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
     
  17. Mail them to NASA with a Merry Christmas card.

    I read that fruitcakes were what NASA actually glues to the bottom of the space shuttle to prevent it from burning up on re-entry.
     
  18. Just got some possibilities from family members -


    Bilge ballast for cargo ships.

    Demolition ball weights for taking buildings down.

    Levie construction material in New Orleans.

    Bridge supports in Minneapolis on I-35.

    Use to build the illegal alien border fence in Texas.
     
  19. Building material for the proposed bridge across the Bering straight.

    Mail it to your enemies.

    Patch up the "hole" in the Ozone layer.

    Give it to JWs that knock on your door.
     
  20. But they might never come back!!!
    :D:D:D
     

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