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Alone and desperate - in need of support

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Tony-77, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. #1 Tony-77, Dec 3, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
    Dear All,

    I'm Tony, 37 years old, living in EU, middle Europe.
    I've decided to share my feelings and emotions reflecting some recent events of my life.
    As the title says, I'm alone and feeling so desperate.
    Why? Well, because I have to fight hard through everything life brigs along and all this on my own, without any support.
    Some people get married, have children, build a house and live their happy lives.
    This was my dream too; the image of my own happy family kept me alive so many years in orphanages during my childhood. I don't want to think of those times when I was beaten, bullied and hungry all the time. Despite that, I kept dreaming of nice future and I was nearly there when I grew older, nearly as happy as imagined.
    When I was 23 I married a beautiful woman, had a wonderful daughter a year later and a good job too. Our common dream was having a small house, but our income in my country wasn't enough to achieve that. So we decided to go to the UK towards a brighter future. The mission was simple. Go there, earn enough money for the house and return back to build it. We worked hard, often many month without a single free weekend and tried to save as much as possible only to make our dream come true. After 8 years abroad, we decided to come back to our country and start building our dream house. Small one, but our own. Eventually, we moved in after 2 years and enjoyed it so much. Money we had wasn't enough so we had to borrow some more from a bank. But finally there, all so happy in our new house. Wasn't completely finished from outside, but we could live inside without any problems.
    We thought and hoped that this nice time is going to last forever. But everything nice lasts only for short time. Unfortunately.
    I don't even know how it happened, but it happened. My wife and my daughter left me. They went back to the UK, where my wife had a secret relationship and I was so stupid I didn't notice anything. It all started when we lived and worked there. I was working so much that time and had so little time for my family that I couldn't notice. In the end he (her boyfriend) managed to convince her to come back to him. What makes things even worse is the fact that she took my daughter with her. Daughter was actually glad, because she had so many friends at school in the UK. She missed that country and her friends a lot. That was the beginning of my end.
    Since then, everything has fallen apart. We got divorced few months ago, our house is sold and all the money is gone. I spent what left for me on travelling to the UK to see my daughter and try to get my wife back. I was buying expensive presents for them, pretending that I have a new job with much better income and was naive enough to believe that I can have them back. I was wrong. They are happy with their new living, often going for holidays and travelling a lot as that guy is a rich person who can give them everything they think of.
    Now I live with my adoptive parents, they're old and ill, barely able to take care of themselves. Mother is weak and diagnosed with many illnesses, father diagnosed with lung cancer. So in addition to my misery I also need to help them to have a dignified life. My heart is broken, my hope in better life is gone and I know for sure I will never be again the man I used to be before. Strong, confident and a big dreamer. Loving another woman is impossible now, this kind of filling was killed forever after the disappointment I experienced.
    My health condition is far from good, but despite all this I want to live and fight. I want to be useful and find my purpose on this planet. I'm not giving up despite the fact that sometimes I feel like there's no way out of this. Like only death can unbind me from suffering. Despite all this I'm working hard on construction sites, for very low income, but better than nothing. All the money I earn is spent on wellbeing of my adoptiv parents because they deserve it. My childhood was bad but they did their best for me. Also trying to safe some small change for my daughter's birthday present whenever it's possible.
    I realise how selfish I was before, when I was chasing my dreams. I neglected my parents during all those years, lost my friends while abroad, and all this for nothing. Because that's what I have now. Absolutely nothing. Empty soul and empty pockets. What I still have is my strong faith in God and hope that he won't let me suffer like this forever.
    I know I can't fight this on my own any longer. If I want to move forward and get over it I'm going to need some support. Help and support, both mental and material is so much needed right now.
    I know it, that's why I decided to share my life story with you guys. I need your help, I beg for it. Don't let me suffer like this anymore. If you can help with a good advice, encouraging words or anything that helped you in similar situation it will be so highly appreciated. I'm not asking you for donations, for money, because I know how much you need it for your own families. There are many other ways to help. One day, when I manage to get out of this deep agony I will do some social work, helping other people in need. Because I fully realised how much help and support some people need. So dear readers, if there is a way you can help me, please do so. In return I will share what I get with other people in need and try all my best to stand back on my feet again, proud, strong and grateful to those who helped me. And maybe, just maybe, my daughter will be proud of me too one day, I wish this so much. Million thanks in advance and God help our souls.

    With respect,
  2. Tony, I'm sorry you are going through tough times. In your post I noticed you didn't mention Jesus or possibly being a Christian. Are you saved? What I mean by this have you asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior and verbally say that Jesus is God and that he came back to life 3 days after death? If not I believe this is the first thing you must do. Jesus is the only one who can help you in this. If you aren't focused on Him then everything you do to try and fix your situation won't be worth anything. You have tried to fix things through the world and it hasn't fixed anything; seems it has gotten you further away from what your goals were. Jesus can help you with what you need but you must first trust Him and live your life for Him; everything else will fall back into place .
  3. LanceA, thank you for your kind advice, I appreciate it a lot. And yes, I am Christian and I do ask Jesus for help and guidance and believe He can help me. Faith is all I have at the moment.
  4. Sorry bud. Sounds terrible.

    My advice is for you to judge what has transpired, put things right and submit to what God has planned next for your life.

    1. Your wife leaving you = not respecting marriage = not respecting God = you are better off. If God can't be respected, you think you or 'anyone' else stands a chance in her life? I wish nothing bad on her, but it is only logical to foresee a fall for all who throw God out.
    2. You may be guilty of neglecting your wife from working too much, but did you also ignore God? We should talk to Him all day long. Did you harden your heart to Him?

    I want you to try and grasp that Christians are more then overcomers in this world because we focus on Jesus / trust in Jesus / submit to His will for our lives. The moment we stop trying to do things in our own strength / find our life / fix our life and we lose it to Jesus and His will, we find our life Matt 10:39. Those who trust in the Lord are like mount Zion, because they have God with them, they grasp their lives from God's perspective, they grasp the important things in life.

    Call your wife. Forgive her. Don't fake being rich. Get on your knees next to your bed when you pray at night. Pray that God's will is done in your life.

    You / we ALL need to grasp that WE live our lives in heaven. Until we get there.... WE are supposed to be mindful of living our lives to please God, not ourselves. When we do that, God helps us with our family, children, bullies, food etc etc.
  5. Hello KingJ,
    I don't think I ignored God or my wife. I just couldn't be there for work and family at the same time. I thought we both, me and my ex, had the same priority: work hard for our better future, than enjoy good times together, but I was wrong. Now I pay for it very high price. God was always in my heart, no matter what. And yes, I stoped pretending being reach as I'm down to zero money no, therefore I cannot do that at all, even if I wanted to, but I don't want. All I want is get back on my feet and be a good father to my daughter again. Thank you for your opinion and advice, it is much appreciated.
    KingJ likes this.
  6. Hey Tony. I'm so sorry that you aren't as happy as you would like to do. A good tip I can give you is to do a gratitude journal. It's a great exercise to write down a list of the things you are grateful for because it shifts your focus and energy towards what you already have and it changes your whole mood. Also when you start to get on the vibration of gratitude, God gives you more to be grateful for and pretty soon you will have an abundance in every area of your life. I've been doing it for 2 years and now my life is great. When I started I was in rehab and I didn't want to be in that situation. But after a couple years of the gratitude journal I have more than I could've asked for. Just say thank you. Hope this helps

  7. Your ex-wife made a bad choice and, especially if she married her boyfriend, is pretty much gone - that is, there is little likelihood that you would ever get her back (and several Biblical arguments as to why you shouldn't, even if you could). Your daughter, of course, is still your daughter. Stay in contact with her as much as possible, even if she doesn't respond. Stay positive in those interactions, don't speak negatively of your ex, express support and encouragement for your daughter in her activities and dreams. A day will come when she will miss her daddy in a way which goes to the core of her being.

    As for you, you still have a mission and a purpose in life. Right now it is to work diligently to make a living, grow in strength, faith, and wisdom. It is to take good care of yourself and your adoptive parents. It is to let God heal your heart. If you let Him, God is going to build you into a man like you never dreamed you could be. Be a wise and diligent steward of what you have, even if it seems so small. And remember, it is not all up to you. Do what you know to do in humility and obedience, and God will do the heavy lifting.
  8. It could be a good thing that this woman was separated from you. I bet your life has something more peaceful and loving waiting for you. By your own words, one of your gifts shows to be great courage and it seems it doesn't run out easily. Thank our lord for this great gift.
  9. I have not read one thing about God's plan for your life. I read a lot of things about YOUR plans. All your plans failed horribly. Wrong wife, lost the house you worked so hard for, missing your daughter.

    A big zero. Lots of Hard Word and Planing, and NOTHING!!!!!!!

    The Good news!

    Your in a good place. Do what I say do, and things will turn around.

    Hag 1:2-7 kjva 2 Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, This people say, The time is not come, the time that the LORD'S house should be built. 3 Then came the word of the LORD by Haggai the prophet, saying, 4 Is it time for you, O ye, to dwell in your cieled houses, and this house lie waste? 5 Now therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways. 6 Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes. 7 Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways.

    God describes Why His people have poverty and things just don't work. They were so intent on building their things first, their houses with Ceilings (Guess that was a treat in them days) and the Lord's temple laid in ruins.

    Their plans first, get established first, then God gets his things done.

    No matter what they did, how hard they worked, they ended up with nothing to show for it. They made money, but it was like putting it in a bag with holes.

    We don't marry without asking the Lord if it's OK.
    We don't build houses without the Lord saying go build.
    We don't move, don't change churches, not a thing unless the Lord says God.

    If the Lord is not first in all our plans, then we have no right to expect those plans to work out. No right to get sad when they crumble.

    God's Plan, God's Word, Must be first place. Above family, above our jobs, above what we want to do. If we don't give measure to God's word and just live our life day in and day out as we plan, Jesus said this.

    Mar 4:24-25 kjva 24 And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given. 25 For he that hath,(Ears to hear) to him shall be given: and he that hath not, (Ears to hear) from him shall be taken even that which he hath.

    Its no wonder Jesus said if we don't stay close and abide in him. We can do nothing. (John 15:5)

    There is a big differene between just being saved, and waking up every morning saying Glory to God, what are we doing today Father. I am all ears, at all times. I hear you perfectly, and I always do what you tell me to do.

    Lots of saved folks who live in Poverty, and it's not because it's God's will. It's because they are not putting the Kingdom of God first.

    Isa 1:19 kjva If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:

    Job 36:11 kjva If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.

    Now a lot of folk don't like it that simple, but Number ONE reason things are in poverty, and not working out. Those two scriptures above. Nobody has servered God, gave God their best first, put God first and been broke, or unhappy.

    NOBODY!!! God's Word is perfect, those scriptures are correct. 100%

    Jesus said........... Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else is added unto you. Seek God and his Righteousness, seek the Kingdom first. (God's things first) and God adds all you need, and it's in abundance. This has proved true in my own life over and over. (Matt 6:33)

    More Good news!!!

    Joe 2:25 kjva And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

    God said those things that have been eaten up, wasted, and all that hard work that came to nothing. GOD WILL RESTORE THOSE YEARS!!!!!!!

    Before I got saved, I wasted my whole life, all my hard work for nothing. When I saw that scripture, I came out of my chair saying Glory to God. I can get it all back, everything that was wasted. Praise God!!!!

    Everything the devil took from Job, God gave back double... yea!!!!!

    Here is what you do:

    Write down the scriptures I gave. God is going to restore back. Go to God and say.

    Lord, I have done my own things, and they have not worked. I lost my house, my wife, my daughter. My way is not Working Lord. This day forward, I endevor to only follow and do your plan, your will for my life. I am done making my own plans. If I want something Lord, I'll ask you about it first.

    Show me Lord clearly my next step, and the steps after. Teach me how to hear you and follow your direction. I want to do all you have called me to do, and finish every plan you have for my life. I thank you Lord for saying you will restore all those things eaten up in my life, I believe you will.

    Every day Lord, I am putting you first. Not my way, your way. If it's in my heart to do, I'll step out and do it. Thank you Lord for turning things around for me. Wealth and riches shall be in my house, make me a blessing to many Lord.

    In Jesus name.

    Now I have free teachings if interested. Be set free.
  10. Here is some objective advice:

    Join a support group. Rediscover your passions and hobbies and mingle with others who share them. Cultivate serious friendships and discard troublesome ones. You will want to befriend mature people—people who long ago despoiled themselves of infantile false-dichotomies about life and embraced that this comprises countless, subtle shades of gray. Humans have evolved as social animals; you see it in a tiny baby's ability to quickly pick up language and make eye contact. Make the most out of your life; you are still very young.
  11. That's a harsh one. But maybe just need to realize that someone's ill choices don't have to affect you.

    Find yourself 200000 % in God. The rest will be history. I promise you cause am a living example of this. He won't abandon you.

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