Allowing Your Children To Marry Someone Who Is Much Older?

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by 福井舞, May 19, 2014.

  1. let say if you kids bring home this girl/guy and she/he turn out to be 19+ older than your child, would you be approve, why and why not?

    what would you do if your child insist on continue the relationship despite your objection?

    and would it make a difference if it is your daughter who brought home a much older man rather than your son bring home a much older woman? and why?
  2. How old is my kid in this what if story. I might think differently if my daughter is 35, vs if she's 15.. :)
    Annie likes this.
  3. LOL...

    yes, I know exactly what you mean, if my 15 year old daughter brought home a 40 years old man, I suspect he probably wont leave my house in one piece ( and I am SO NOT violent kind of person).

    so does that mean if your child is an adult, you wont be bothered by the age difference then?
    Annie likes this.
  4. If I have a 30 year old daughter, and she wants to marry a 50 year old man I will respect her decision. I would need to meet the guy first and get a feel for what type of guy he is.
    Annie likes this.
  5. so what if it is your 30 year old son bring home a 50 year old woman?

    I know society usually have double standard when it comes to this kind of things.
    Annie likes this.
  6. I don't see how my opinion would effect her decision. My parents didn't want me marrying my wife and I did it anyway.

    I actually don't see an issue either way. I would be fine with it, I guess.
  7. If he wanted to marry a 50 year old woman, umm…. sure.
  8. you both are extremely open minded.....
  9. Thank you :)

    My wife is three years older than me and I feel we do fine. Obviously three years isn't a huge difference but it feels like it when you're young. Age differences can cause issues but everyone will have issues in marriage. The way I see it almost anything can be worked through if the two love each other enough to work through it.
  10. I married a man that is 10 years older than me. I do not think that once you get to a certain age, age matters. My mom was 17 years younger than my dad. Love is love and age does not matter.
    Annie and Where is the Messiah say Amen and like this.
  11. I agree

    but from what I know, things could be much more difficult if it is the other way round.....
    Annie likes this.
  12. What do you mean? If the man was younger than the lady?
  13. yes.

    don't get me, I do think love is love

    but researches consistently shows men are biologically wired differently than women.

    for example, research consistently shows men placed much more emphasize on their partners youthfulness and looks where as women placed more emphasize on their partners stability and ability to provide.

    in fact, I came across this interesting research once ( I don't if I can locate it again) that shows while both men and women are attracted by good looks, women can look past this department if that guy they met has other attractive qualities such as personality, where it is much much more difficult for men.

    that is why you probably noticed there is much less pairing of younger men and much older women

    Also I think older women younger men tend to face more stigma from those around them, and that contributes to the stress of the relationship as well.

    obviously older woman younger man pair could work as well, but I do think they do face a more uphill battle compare with older man younger woman pair.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  14. Depends on if you are facing a statistical son/daughter situation. In the real world, as a 20 year old male, bringing home a 10 year old girlfriend/ intended fiancée, I guess I would be called a rock spider or similar. At age 30, bringing home the same girl, now 20 years old I would be called lucky. At 70, bringing home that same girl now aged 60 I would not expect to cause any comment. At age 70, bringing home a 20 year old girlfriend, I think gullible would be the most appropriate adjective to use. Mind you, at age 70, I doubt parents would be able to tell the age difference anyway.......they'd just be exited at the prospect of me finally moving out:(.
    福井舞 likes this.
  15. very true.

    mind you, it is possible for a really young woman to fall in love with a much older man

    Morgan Freeman and his "former" step grand daughter come to mind.

    a bit creepy if you ask me, but it could happen.
  16. If my child were over the age of 18, then there really isn't anything I could do about it. I could "forbid" the relationship, but my child is going to do what they want regardless of my approval... then that could result in me not having a relationship with my child. As long as he/she is happy and is treated right, then I need to respect their choice, even if it is not my own.

    Now, this would not hinder me from talking to my child about it, just so I could get their stance on the matter. I want my child to be happy, but I want to make sure they understand circumstances that may arise being with someone that much older.

    I've known a few women in specific, who have dated and married younger men.... and the outcomes haven't been that great for them. Not to mention, one woman I know in particular has the hardest time accepting her age difference, yet chose to marry someone 15 years younger than her. She is so insecure that he is always looking at younger women (women his age)... why do that to yourself? Unless you can fully adapt to all aspects of dating someone much older, I think it's a choice that needs to be thought about.

    So again, i will always support my child, I just would want to make sure they understood all aspects
  17. My son is dating an older woman. Everyone we know thought I was going to get mad at him and really protest the entire relationship.
    At first I was furious and then after I prayed and prayed, I know I heard the HS tell me to stay out of it and just love my son, which is what I did. I have seen a lot of growth in my son and this woman has brought out the best in my son. However, I agree that an older woman / younger man can create more problems down the road as she ages.

    I do stay out of their business and I do like this woman. However, when the appropriate time arises I do give my son my opinions. I keep them simple and encouraging and factual and I pray a lot about the outcome of their relationship.

    I do always remind my son that this relationship is not just about him. She is 50% involved as well. I do not want to see her hurt anymore than I want to see my own son hurt. I remind him all the time that he needs to do what is right by both of them.

    A relationship is about 2 people and sometimes the parents only see the side of their child. Even though they are both adults I want the best for both of them and I do not want to see either one of them hurt. I pray almost daily for their relationship. If it's not right, then I pray that the Lord will help my son to see the reality of the situation and to help him make the right decisions in ending their relationship. If they truly love each other, then I pray the Lord will strengthen them and keep them together no matter what comes at them as they age. I also pray for her. If she does not truly love my son, then I pray the Lord will reveal all of this to both of them. I want her to be happy, too.

    Over all, you pray and guide them, and then leave them to the Lord for Him to take care. Some times its hard to do that, though, but we need to do it anyway.
    Annie and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  18. Well said... that's really all we CAN do.
    Annie, CoffeeDrinker and Cturtle says Amen and like this.

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